Out of Context Professors

“The followers of Satan are politicians.”

“He loves Snickers, not in the same way he loves his wife-- no one could ever love a wife as much as a Snickers bar--”

“I will donate my brain before anyone else; I want a robotic exoskeleton. You know why? Because it’s easier than working out or going low-carb or whatever.”

“I have face blindness and name amnesia. It’s a terrible condition. I can’t remember my wife. I wake up next to her every morning like ‘oh, you seem nice.’“

“So he goes jogging, and he’s sad, which is how you should feel when you’re jogging.”

“Let’s say you chop your hand off -- this is gonna be a gruesome class today.”

“Anything I didn’t state clearly in the lecture? Anything I stated too clearly and could say in a more confusing way?”

“Is that-- do you wanna fistfight me there?!?”

Student: (starts talking really fast/unintelligibly)

“It was not a damn apple!! No apples. Forget about apples!”

“Yes, I stole. I told you that I stole it! I just didn’t tell you who I stole it from.”

“The midterm will require you to remember stuff from a couple weeks ago, so. Sleep in fear.”

“The ukulele is a very noble instrument.”

“Despite everything to the contrary, I am still laboring under the illusion that you guys do the reading and watch the lectures.”

Philosophy professor: “I don’t think anyone knows what Plato actually believed.”

Media Professor: “[Student 1], like [student 2], is just smarter than the rest of us.”

Student: “I used to like jelly, and I no longer like jelly.”