Last Podcast On The Outside

Henry: Oh, so you’re comparing nurses and doctors to this, the idea that nurses do all the work.

Ben: Yes, because what does the witch doctor actually do, and we need to start fucking thanking our witches out there, because during this pandemic they have been putting some hexes on people, and I know for a fact they killed a couple of evil ones.

Henry: Yeah, you’re right.

It’s been a while since I posted, I know I’m lazy and need to update here more, but a couple days ago I sent the Last Podcast Network email with a suggestion for a video, and I just got a response writing (this is directly quoted from the email):

“Hey there, appreciated the suggestion, we’ll be sure to look into it! Hail yourself!”

Now, that doesn’t mean they’re definitely gonna do it, maybe it’s an automated response, and whether or not it is I shouldn’t get my hopes up...

But on the off-chance that it wasn’t automated, I would be over the moon if my suggestion became an episode.

What was my suggestion, you might be asking? I shall keep it a secret for now, and reveal it if they make an episode or after a long time has passed without one. I’ll just say that it’s a topic that only got out of obscurity recently and an anniversary for it is coming up soon. I highly doubt I was the first to suggest this through email, but I think I did put in a lot of details that others might not have.

Henry: We need these moments!

Ben: I don’t know what today is. I’m not even sure what this show is anymore.

Marcus: Actually, technically, Ben, we’re regressing right now.

Ben: Oh, that’s what we’re doing.

Marcus: Yeah, we’re regressing all the way back ten years sliding back to Episode 107, 108. We’re pulling it back in, we’re pulling the guts back into the body.

Henry: Yeah, man, it shows we never really did change, did we boys?

Marcus: That’s right.

Henry: We may look a little older and I let my hair go, but we as a triad are stronger than ever.

Henry: People love rats!

Ben: People love rats.

Marcus: They’re disgusting creatures out in the wild.

Henry: Sure.

Marcus: Regularly feeding on our garbage and our dead.

Henry: But that’s just called influencers.

Henry: Yeah, he was fucking Big Bird talking in that stupid voice-

Ben: I just don’t understand!

Henry: Teaching me about letters, I know about letters, I learned to read early, so you’re sitting here babbling and you’ve got a fuckin’ imaginary elephant you speak to all day, and can you imagine the puppeteer of Big Bird driving to work that day and getting T-boned and fuckin’ murdered!

Ben: A six year old doesn’t think it’s a puppet, they think they’re killing Big Bird, and you just killed a person.

Henry: Mission. Accomplished.

Ben: Not really, cause somebody else can be Big Bird.

Henry: Woah!

Ben: Yeah, you didn’t kill the idea, you killed an actor.

Henry: Oh my God, I can’t kill an idea!

Henry: That’s huge!

Ben: Can you imagine...

Henry: ... the AMOUNT of shit.

...

Henry: I love it. Vatican’s Janitor is actually a really funny show, Kiefer Sunderland’s gonna be in it.

Ben: But the thing is, he looks just like the Pope, we find out the Pope had sex with a bunch of kids, we gotta get rid of him, we gotta switch Popes!

Henry: The Vatican’s Janitor secretly the Pope’s son...

Ben and Marcus: oooohhhh...

Ben: Don’t give these ideas away! Quibi is gonna pick it up.

Marcus: Yeah. I barely had time to write this, did not have time to learn Portuguese.

Ben: That’s fine, I think that’s just great, uh, it’s like Canadian vs American. It’s kind of like Spanish but it’s Portugueeeeeese.

Marcus: It’s more English and German, I think.

Ben: English and German...

Henry: Yeah, it’s two different languages. In Canada, they speak English, they speak the same language except they say “aboot” and they’re passive aggressive.

Ben: You can’t apologize if you speak real English.

I’m gonna make a post that’ll have links to the Google Docs that I make for each episode that will be edited every time I make a new one, and put a link in my bio to the post for easy access.

Maybe in my spare time I could write out transcripts in a similar format to what I do here but in more detail with stuff like parentheticals. To be sure, it would be hard work and something I would do when I’m not doing school work, but I think it would be a nice thing to do.

Thing is, I’ve never done anything like this before, so I’m not sure how I would go about making it available to people. I’m thinking it would probably be a Google doc or something for people to download? Also, if I make multiple transcripts, how would I go about organizing them so that people can access them easily?

Instead, this is a theory of the kind of uncaring, universal chaos that we all have to face every day of our lives. And maybe, it’s difficult for us to accept that a man of John F. Kennedy’s stature is just as vulnerable to a stupid accident as you or me.”

Marcus Parks, The Last Podcast on the Left Episode 405: JFK Part VI

Marcus: Yeah.

Ben: I know you like to call me that, which is very insulting to the tall people.

Henry: You’re a goon! You need to have a goon in a group, especially if you’re tiny, you need to have a FUCKIN’... a big GOON to protect you.

Ben: That’s Bebop and Rocksteady. They’re PIGS.

Marcus: You can’t just have two goons.

Ben: What do you mean “you can’t just have two goons”?

Marcus: You need two regular-sized goons and one gigantic goon. See me, I would be one of the regular goons.

Ben: You’re the goon who licks the knife.

Marcus: Yeah, I’m Crazy-Goon.

Henry: You’re Sting from Dune.

Ben and Marcus: Yeah.

Henry: Introverts are scary.

Ben: Oh my God...

Henry: Introverts, all they do is sit there and PLOT

Ben: All day.

Henry: and PLOT, I’ve seen them sitting back there at parties and they like to think like I don’t know what’s going on.

Henry: Yeah he just collapsed, because it’s not INSIDE the house, you know what I mean?

Ben: What’d you do?

Henry: We buried him in the backyard, no - we hacked him up with a bunch of - we separated all the ligaments and we boiled his teeth, we did everything we needed to do. No, he just got picked up by the ambulance.

Henry: It’s fiction.

Ben: What are you doing down there?

Henry: It’s not a documentary, you know that, right?

Ben: I - I don’t know, I saw it and it was definitely real to me.

Henry: Or you get shot!

Ben: -It’s hard to get out.