ACTUALLY, MAD RESPECT HE WAS A MACHINE.
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@outofcharacterproductions
ACTUALLY, MAD RESPECT HE WAS A MACHINE.

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"senator lindsey graham dies at 71 after 'brief and sudden illness'" 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
in absence of any other details i'm gonna go ahead and state definitively and for the record that lindsey graham died because his ditzy fairy ass forgot the rule about not taking poppers on viagra and had what is known to medical science as a "Faggot's Stroke" and if his estate wants to correct that information so i can giggle about the real reason then they're welcome to call my office
Ok there is an actual funnier option
i didn't know that about poppers and viagra thats really important information
oh yeah no poppers + viagra can cause fatal fluctuations in blood pressure, stay safe girls
i think its cool humans horses and dogs can all use their eyewhites to communicate with each other
its like we advanced enough together that we need to be able to say emotions are running the show rn and not consciousness
“im freaking out right now larry”
i mean i guess all animals communicate choices with each other just in their own species? “pardon me, fellow mole rat, may i pass?” like a deer doesnt have a ton to say to a wolf that action doesnt
is communication just all negotiation? and as our negotiation needs developed we became social creatures? that makes dogs and horses something less than relatives but more than family
im high btw
Hey everyone, looks like the “cat summoned for jury duty” was ai generated - even has the ai symbol at the top. Thanks for the heads up, @cannot-all-throw-inkpots . My apologies- I did not realize when I shared it.
Aww dangit. Guess that makes sense, but it was so believable because I can 100% see that kind of goofup happening
Some positive news: There really WAS a cat summoned for jury duty back in 2010. Turns out the error was quickly corrected and the cat did NOT actually have to travel to the courthouse. But at least we can enjoy the fact that a papereork glitch did once try to give a cat jury duty XD
THE LAST DAUGHTER OF KRYPTON
supergirl 2026 / supergirl: woman of tomorrow / escape pod by paris paloma

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its a mystery
Save me hyperpop
*shaking head* lets stop pretending okay. none of you really understand her like I do. *starts drawing her nine months pregnant*
t shirt that says i've misunderstood many social interactions
on the back: please tell me whats going on in a clear and concise manner
booty shorts that ask: are you mad at me ?
A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.
#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus
I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious
A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)
Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.

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almost didnt post it cus i hated how it turned out but fuck it we ball lmao
Couldn't stop thinking about that tweet, I love the idea of a god promoting his faith.
Look if he's getting Wi-fi or Reception out there in the ass-end of nowhere, that's a straight-up miracle. I'm sold.
tfw she wants to be your only one (in fighting games)
oh wait hang on that's not normal
my evil chalice came in but its so fucking small. goddamnit. they're going to make fun of me at the wizards circle tonight
loser
FUUUUUUUCK !!
if you lose interest in a trans woman when you find out she has a vagina then die
we're not sex toys we're people 👍
oh noooo you can't fit her into the "tranny shemale futanari dickgirl" sexual archetype OR the "pure, Natural cis woman crafted by god" sexual archetype? you have to respect her as a person rather than as a sex object? fuuuuck that must be really hard for you I'm sorry
it's funny that both trans and cis women alike are reduced to our genitals, but with trans women it's especially extreme. transness is thought of as infinitely worse than cisness in every way, so why would you ever desire a trans woman if not to play with her one unique feature? and if she doesn't, or can't, put out, what's the point of her? what value does she even have?

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[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]
Whoever sends out GOP instructions to various politicians and media figures: "Okay, we need to cover this Mitch thing up so, why don't a few of you say you spoke to him? Throw in a few political topics, make it sound like he's been keeping up. Nothing too crazy though, he's in the hospital still, so don't say it was for an hour or even a full half hour. Maybe 20 or less? Keep it around there, champs." That guy after three politicians say the 20 minutes part specifically and literally everyone online clocks it: