Manoel

I could tell you didn't love me by the way you looked at me and the way I looked at you. Everyone in the room could sense the magnitude, I was head over heels for you and it wasn't that hard to tell. I looked for you in every room, and I had a strange pull towards you, it was like no matter what I was doing, I craved your presence with me. I didn't think it was love until I stopped noticing everyone else, until I couldn't go on dates anymore, and how I wanted to talk to you when I was sad, and that was strange for me cause I was never the type to speak when I was upset but you made it so damn easy. I could tell you weren't in love with me in any of the same ways that I was in love with you but I couldn't grasp why you weren't. I still can't understand that part of it all. Because we shared something that I thought was special. We opened up to one another and I know no one else has the same place in your life that I held. We stayed up talking in your car for hours, I still remember that day I was so drunk you took me home and took care of me until I was sober enough to go home. You didn't even do it to get anything. I remember laying on your chest listening to your heartbeat and wanting to stay like that forever.. I wonder if you think back to that night and ever crave that closeness we felt.  because I do it all the damn time. I wish I could just feel your arms around me holding me close, when everything feels like its falling apart but we are not in love.. and you can't be that person for me but I wish you were, I wanted you so badly to be even when you didn't think you could be. I still can't let go of the idea that we are supposed to end up together, even though I know deep down that we aren't going to ever be together in that way. It all breaks my heart in different ways. Sometimes I wish I never got to know your heart like that, because now I can't see myself with anyone but you, and you will never want me.

You, big lady, were the only Disney character who ever looked like me. And while you may not have had the waistline of a princess, I’ll be goddamned if you didn’t have the swagger of a queen.