Katto's Collection of Critters

can't be bothered to finish this

After a hearty yet hasty breakfast, Wizard, Chef and Scientist all meet with Tutoro on their porch.

“I greatly appreciate you three for arriving on such short notice. I've called you heroes here because the local town, Xue(Shreh), is under threat of an unlawful invasion following the previous fall of another town DiYi(Dee E.). I trust your group can take care of this case.”

“Sure, we can help them out.”

“Can do!”

“It is well within the realm of our capabilities.”

3 affirmations. The crew took a trip to their intersection to get their equipment. Scientist retreated to her shut-in home while Chef went to grab his satchel of equipment. Wizard awkwardly stood around on the sidewalk, thinking he should really get some preparation but failed to think of anything important to bring. Wizard decided to go fetch a basic “anima” elemental spell tome and a modest power augment ring. When he emerged from his front door to see Chef with a heavier bulkier looking satchel and Scientist with a new weapon that appeared to be a cane, he couldn't help but feel naked.

“Fortunately, this mission will be very much closer to home. Future missions that incite far from home may prove to be a bigger issue.” Everyone hummed and muttered in agreement. “I’ll figure out a means of transport, in the meantime you three can pursue the case in Xue. Good luck heroes.”

Wizard glanced at a couple of slimes hopping along the path splitting the fields of golden grass apart, headed to where they came from. Such simple docile creatures, adorable even. He deduced that the bluer hue of the slime’s constitution meant that a change of scenery was imminent. Otherwise these little guys would've changed color already. 

As the grass around them changed from gold to green, Chef’s satchel of cooking utensils clanged loudly, making a ruckus as he walked. Scientist eyed the bag with disdain.

“You know if you're truly planning on conducting warfare, it is best you pick up a weapon that is actually built for it.”

“Built for it? Sister (spoken in the same manner one would say “bro,” to clarify. They are not blood related), you brought along a cane. What're you gonna do with that? Lecture the enemies to sleep with your four eyes?”

“A- you have four eyes too! We all have four eyes!”

Wizard zoned back in from watching another party of slimes hop by, “Eh?”

“Besides, this cane has more functionalities than what first meets the eye. Hold your frying pan out”

The pair stopped in their tracks as Chef took out his Saucepan from his bag with scarily quick speed for how disorganized it looked and held it in front of him like a shield. Scientist held the cane up as pink light emitted from the top before a thick bolt of lightning splashed against Chef's pan. He stumbled backwards. His hands shook.

“That. . . Is what this ‘cane’ is capable of.” Chef shoved the pan back into his bag as Scientist adjusted her glasses. 

“Besides it's easier to carry around-” She taps the bottom of her cane against Chef’s bag. “It's stylish-” flicking Chef’s glasses with her finger. “-and it doesn't look like I belong in a padded cell.”

Chef snickers. “Yeah well a thing like this-” brandishing a spatula, “has its benefits too. Y'know, using it gives me a pretty good intuition on what does and doesn't make a good makeshift weapon in the heat of battle. You and your cane splitting apart means it's curtains for you.”

Scientist exhaled with amusement. “Maybe you just have an instinct for finding the most effective ways to beat someone to death.”

Chef stood up sharply as if he smelled something foul. “You literally built–*designed* a death ray killing machine. Talk about violent instinct”

“It's not a death ray or a killing machine!”

“Ehh potayto potawto.”

“That's not–!” Scientist exhaled with tiredness.

“Yo Wiz! You reckon we should take a break?”

Wizard who had not been paying attention at all snapped back to attention. “Huh? Oh yeah sure we can.” Xue was in sight anywho, it wouldn't hurt to fill up on energy and rest a bit before taking on the big threat.

“Now that we’re here, um, there’s actually a specific something I’m looking for here.” Wizard begins to sweat. Chef shifts his weight around, his body language for “I’m listening.” Scientist remains unmoved. When Wizard was born, knowledge was divined to him from an individual with horns and purple coat and glasses. When the previous wizard dies, all the past knowledge, including things from beyond their time, is focused into a maggot-like creature and if he can find it, he can inherit that knowledge and power. What stressed him out the most was that the maggot can only wait a finite amount of time. If it takes too long, the maggot starts to feed off of the knowledge it holds for sustenance. It starts with benign things, things that the new wizard will likely already know like basic breathing and eating functions and things like common language and arithmetic. Wizard fretted over his childhood that he would take too long and by the time he was finally free to pursue it, the maggot will already have eaten up crucial knowledge. Wizard’s early years trudged by slowly and agonizingly.

“See, I’m. . . I’m looking for a bug-it’s for like some magic thing-magic enhancing thing.” Wizard stammered

“What’re you – gonna grind it up into a pill and pop it?” Chef joked

“Haha. . . nah I just. . . I just need to find it real quick.”

“Are there any distinctive features of this bug?”

“It umm, it should just look like white, like a maggot but almost larger and has a special kind of shininess to it?”

“Can do!”

“We should. . . probably fan out.”

The gang wanders around the caverns of scrap metal with their eyes peeled. “So, the hero business. How’re you feeling about it?” Wizard breaks into a sweat. Chef tries to lift up a heavy piece of ceiling but every angle he tries to grab it at, a protrusion of rubble keeps poking him. “I think you got what it takes to lead us, just like with them school projects, remember?”

Scientist picked up some rod. “Chef, you’re the reason why the teacher introduced independent grading for each group member.” She places the rod in her satchel.

“Awe, it’s not about the grade it’s about the memories and fun times!” Chef lifts the debris to find no grub.

“Is that the line of reasoning for why you don’t have a job yet?”

“The block guy’s group of heroes has me covered,” Chef looks over to her and puts his hands behind his head; relaxed.

“As if clobbering people is hero work-” Scientist retorted

“Ok I don’t *always* resort to violence y’know.”

Scientist looks back at him with a wince of mild disgust. “You gave Robbie a botched chiropractor treatment-”

“Well if he didn’t want to go there he shouldn’t have-”

“And put him in the hospital for 9 months. Besides, what wage is this ‘hero work’ putting you on.”

Wizard tries to chime in. “Guys. . .”

“Ay y’know heroes don’t always do stuff for money.”

“Your gas bills will beg to differ.”

“If all we’re chasing is the bread then yeah. We’d be no better than the henchmen sapping up some civ for striding down the wrong side of the street. Blunt trauma diplomacy. But we won't be! Besides, you’re joining too right?”

“Well yeah, but I’ll have an actual job while I’m doing it.” Scientist resumes looking for bits of technology.

Chef paused for a moment, a gap in the armor. “. . . Which is. . .”

Scientist became flustered “it’s. . . it’s more than what you’re doing right now-”

“Working the griddle at-”

“Whatever! I’m still contributing to society.” Her composure slips.

Chef stands back up straight with hands to his chest with mock offense and a goofy grin “I contribute plenty to society!”

“Your cooking only feeds your friends.”

“Well y’know what they say, the blood of the covenant runs thicker than the water. . . of the. . . well.”

“It’s actually ‘womb,’ you know. Family.”

“Awe don’t go talking about ‘wombs’ and ‘family,’ we know what your cousin does for a living and it’s more ‘stealing’ from society, quite literally.”

Scientist exhales sharply, “It doesn’t matter, my current situation is just a stepping stone. I’m headed for great opportunities.” She pauses to examine a miraculously intact bottle of elixir before stashing it in her satchel. “I am not looking for a job; the job is looking for me. This hero thing will get my name out there.”

“How can you get your name out there when you can’t even get your inventions out of your cellar?”

“We’re done here!” Scientist shouts. Chef snickers

Chef and Wizard enter the main chamber, the epicenter of the explosion. Ash and soot char every inch of the room. Corpses strewn about the room. It was an ugly sight, the remains of a death trap. The one closest to the pit reduced to a skeleton with their flesh melted away. Unnerving. “You uh. . . you really think your magic grub survived *this*?”

Wizard gulped, hesitating. “Yes I’m sure. I can fee- I mean no-yeah yeah they can like. . .” The two pass by the dead body of the head researcher, the past wizard, lifeless. He was sitting on a pile of debris, face twisted in horror and skin grey and shriveled, but his body in otherwise fine condition compared to the others. Chef turned away sharply, Wizard doffed his hat and put it over his chest. It almost seemed like deep within the old man, something pulsated, something twisted. Wizard and Chef moved past, shaken.

Chef overturns another chunk of broken wall and waves happily at a purple centipede as it darts away. Wizard called from across the room, “Did you find the grub yet?”

“No I didn’t. Would be a miracle for anything to survive in here. You sure you didn’t pirate a cracked version of whatever ‘Cup and Ball tricks for dummies’ book?”

“I’m sure.” Wizard runs his hand along a wall. Suddenly it began to rumble.

“HEADS UP!” Chef tackled Wizard out of the way and the rubble cascaded down. Clouds of dust kicked up all around leaving both in a coughing fit

“Ahem hem–Close one huh.” Chef got up from Wizard and looked at the pile

“Thanks for that one.”

“Anything for you ya clutz,” Chef looks around the room. “We’ve been looking for a while though. . .” He suddenly stops.