I haven't posted on forever. Tons of reasons. But I want to get something out. Part of being a transwoman is coming to terms with male privilege and dismantling misogynistic behaviors and thoughts. I've done this a lot. I love doing it. In any situation I'm in if I offend someone or even have an argument I try to evaluate all that I did that could be wrong first so I can understand the other. I think most of the world's problems would be solved if we all did this. But one thing I can't grasp. And its ghosting or not responding. And nothing better captures my experience of this than 4 people asking to buy records I'm selling for super cheap and saying they'll message me later and not doing so. It's been two days. This is my experience of it when a transaction has already been agreed upon. How so suppose to feel when a crush of mine initiates multiple kisses the last time I saw them and says they want to hang out then doesn't respond? Or my last date that ended with making out and them wanted to see me again soon and ghosting? They should do what they want. I don't want to pressure them or be aggressive or demanding. But I'm being involved in this. And because I'm spending time imagining what to ask them to do with me because I'm really shy and reaching out to anyone is difficult I'm not spending time being with friends or other romantic interests. I don't understand why. And because I don't understand why I keep trying to imagine what else I did wrong. I don't think others owe me romance or sex. I've fought to overcome the thoughts I learned while I was a man. Just how do I fight for myself and demand respect in these situations. Because they aren't fair. And they're cruel. And it makes me sad, yes, for myself, but also because people I have feelings for, no matter how small, become disappointing for adding misery to an already miserable world.
