I can't put the right words on how trauma can ruin a life. At the very least it feels nothing but helpless when your mind tries to remember and realize things all of a sudden when you least expect it. I was successful to bury it in the deepest most hidden and unreachable part of my head for years until one day when nothing makes sense anymore, when the universe in your brain demands answers, when there is nothing else to point your finger to, your past trauma suddenly presents itself as a gift waiting to be unwrapped all shiny and polished as if it was prepared and manufactured for a brand new but familiar purpose...to ruin you all over again.
One thing I learned in the TV series Lucifer is the power of guilt and how it can bring you to hell no matter how good you were on earth. But having experience it while living brings a taste of what hell feels like...painfully empty.
I think I need a shrink.
