“you just want an excuse to buy things,” you reply.

dazai gasps softly. “that accusation is correct.”

the store is full of bright colors and dangerously overpriced swimwear.

dazai immediately becomes unhelpful.

every swimsuit you hold up gets the same reaction.

“beautiful.”

“that one too.”

“wear all of them.”

“osamu, that’s not how clothes work.”

he shrugs. “you’d figure it out.”

tsukki sits in the stroller quietly chewing on the edge of his toy while dazai trails behind you like a lovesick ghost.

then you pick up the two-piece.

simple. pretty.

definitely more revealing than what you normally wear.

you glance at it for barely two seconds before dazai immediately notices.

“Oh,” he says. “that one.”

you raise a brow. “yeah?”

he takes the swimsuit from your hands dramatically like he’s examining rare artwork.

“…respectfully,” he says, “you would destroy lives in this.”

you snort.

“that’s dramatic.”

“i’m serious. buy it immediately.”

the mistake happens because you trust him.

which is unfortunate.

because two days later you’re standing on a beach wearing the swimsuit while dazai visibly reconsiders every decision he’s ever made.

tsukki is strapped to his chest in a tiny sunhat while dazai stares at you in complete silence.

you notice instantly.

“…what.”

he blinks slowly.

“…nothing.”

“osamu.”

“…i understand fear now.”

you laugh loudly enough that nearby people glance over.

which unfortunately proves his point.

because now other people are also looking.

dazai notices immediately.

his expression changes.

“absolutely not.”

before you can react, he grabs the nearest towel and drapes it dramatically around your shoulders.

you stare at him.

“…did you just blanket me.”

“for public safety.”

“osamu.”

“there are men here.”

“there are women here too.”

“exactly. everyone is looking at you.”

you cross your arms. “whose fault is that.”

dazai pauses.

“…mine.”

“correct.”

the debate escalates quickly.

“you encouraged me to buy this.”

“I was blinded by love.”

“you literally said, and i quote ‘destroy lives.’”

“and now i realize those lives include mine.”

you try walking toward the water.

he follows immediately, holding the towel closed around you like you’re escaping paparazzi.

“you are being insane.”

“i’m being protective.”

“possessive.”

“that too.”

tsukki blinks between both of you from his baby carrier like he’s watching a tennis match.

eventually you stop walking and turn toward him fully.

“osamu.”

he narrows his eyes suspiciously. “what.”

“be honest. are you actually upset or are you just dramatic.”

he opens his mouth immediately.

then closes it again.

because unfortunately, you’re right.

he’s not angry, he’s obsessed.

there’s a difference.

he sighs dramatically.

“…you just look really good.”

your expression softens slightly.

“and?”

“and i don’t enjoy strangers perceiving that fact.”

you laugh softly despite yourself.

“that sounds like a personal problem.”

“It is.”

then an older woman walking past suddenly stops beside dazai.

looks at you.

then at him.

and smiles knowingly.

“You’re holding the towel because you’re jealous, huh?”

dazai freezes.

you immediately start laughing.

the woman points at him. “my husband used to do that too.”

“I’m not jealous,” dazai lies.

the woman looks unconvinced.

“…sure, sweetheart.”

then she walks away.

you are now fully crying laughing.

dazai looks betrayed.

“i’ve been publicly humbled.”

“good.”

eventually you peel the towel off yourself entirely.

dazai watches helplessly.

“be strong,” you tell him.

“I’m trying.”

“you literally picked this swimsuit.”

“I didn’t think the consequences through.”

you grin before taking tsukki from him carefully.

the second tsukki settles into your arms, his tiny head resting against your chest sleepily, dazai’s entire expression softens against his will.

because now you somehow look worse.

warm sunlight.

ocean breeze.

holding your sleepy son while wearing the swimsuit he encouraged you to buy.

he stares for a full ten seconds.

“…this is emotional warfare.”

you laugh softly.

later, after swimming and snacks and tsukki splashing seawater directly into dazai’s face, you return to your spot on the sand to find something suspicious.

a hole.

a very large hole.

you narrow your eyes immediately.

“…what happened.”

dazai looks entirely too calm sitting beside it.

“i lost an argument.”

“correct.”

“and now i’m being punished for being too devoted to my wife.”

“correct.”

ten minutes later, he is buried in sand up to his chest.

completely immobilized.

wearing sunglasses.

looking deeply offended.

you sit beside him holding a now-sleeping tsukki in your arms while waves crash softly nearby.

dazai sighs dramatically.

“I defended your honor and this is how i’m treated.”

“You wrapped me in a towel like a Victorian woman.”

“You’re welcome.”

you laugh quietly.

tsukki sleeps peacefully against your chest, tiny fist curled against your swimsuit strap.

dazai notices immediately and melts again.

“…he’s cute,” he murmurs softly.

“he drooled on me thirty seconds ago.”

“still cute.”

he looks between you and tsukki quietly for a moment.

then smiles faintly.

soft. genuine.

the kind that only really appears around his family.

“…okay,” he admits quietly. “maybe i overreacted a little.”

you raise a brow. “a little?”

“…moderately.”

you laugh again.

then lean over and kiss his forehead gently despite the sand situation.

dazai immediately brightens.

“she still loves me.”

“unfortunately.”

“tsukki,” dazai whispers dramatically to your sleeping son, “your mother wounds me.”

tsukki snores softly.

“thank you for your support,” dazai says solemnly.

you roll your eyes fondly while adjusting tsukki a little higher against your shoulder.

the sun is warm.

the ocean is loud.

your husband is trapped in sand because he couldn’t handle seeing you look hot in public.

and honestly?

this might be the most relaxed summer day you’ve had in months.

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you glance over at him, completely relaxed, sunglasses on, skin already warm-toned from the sun.

“…you’re fine.”

“i am not fine. i am becoming a raisin.”

you snort.

he rolls onto his back like he’s fainting. “tell my tragic story. tell them I was beautiful once.”

“you still are beautiful.”

he pauses.

then peeks at you through one eye.

“…say it again.”

you flick his forehead lightly.

he immediately melts back into the towel.

twenty minutes later, dazai has moved exactly four times to escape the sun.

he is currently under your arm, under a towel, under a parasol, complaining.

meanwhile you are still sitting fully in direct sunlight.

not a single burn in sight.

he stares at you like you’ve betrayed physics.

“why are you not suffering.”

“because I have melanin and peace.”

“this is discrimination.”

you laugh while applying sunscreen to your shoulders. “you need this.”

“I don’t believe in sunscreen.”

“that’s not a belief system.”

he sighs dramatically but leans in anyway when you start applying it to his face.

“…if I survive this, I want compensation.”

you pause. “what kind?”

he grins slightly. “kisses.”

you roll your eyes but press one to his cheek anyway.

he looks emotionally healed instantly.

by the time you both try going into the ocean, dazai is already pink.

like. visibly.

“you’re burning,” you say, squinting at him.

“I am glowing,” he corrects weakly.

“you are a lobster.”

he gasps. “how cruel. my own lover, attacking my appearance.”

you drag him deeper into the shade.

he does not resist, because he is suffering.

and also because your hand is holding his, so he accepts death.

꒰ chuuya nakahara ꒱

chuuya was confident.

this was his first mistake.

“you’re telling me,” he says slowly, sitting under the umbrella while glaring at the ocean, “that you are fine… and i am turning red.”

you glance over at him.

perfectly fine.

glowing, even.

then back at him.

already sunburnt across the nose.

“…yeah.”

he clicks his tongue. “unbelievable.”

ten minutes earlier, he had refused sunscreen.

“I don’t need it.”

you had looked at him.

he had looked at you.

then immediately gotten burned by the concept of sunlight itself.

now he is sitting very still.

very red. very offended.

you lean over slightly. “do you want sunscreen now?”

“…no.”

you squint. “chuuya.”

“…yes.”

you smile.

he does not.

you gently apply sunscreen to his face and he grabs your wrist halfway through.

“don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.”

you are, in fact, laughing.

“you’re burning like my pancakes this morning,” you mumble.

he stares at you.

“…I hate you.”

“no you don’t.”

“…I don’t.”

he leans slightly into your touch anyway when you fix the sunscreen on his cheeks.

very quietly.

like he didn’t just threaten your life five seconds ago.

later, when you finally go into the water, chuuya insists on staying close.

not because of affection.

“just in case I get attacked by the sun again,” he says.

you hum. “sure.”

but he still holds your hand the entire time.

and when you lean up to kiss him in the shallow waves?

he pretends to complain.

but he doesn’t let go.

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you snort softly while adjusting your sunglasses. “satoru, i literally bought you shaved ice five minutes ago.”

“pity purchase.”

“you picked the flavor.”

“exactly. she knows me so well,” he says sadly, already eating it.

suguru sighs beside him.

“you’re exhausting.”

“and yet you love me.”

“…unfortunately.”

despite the complaining, gojo is having the time of his life.

he’s stretched out dramatically across your beach towel wearing black swim shorts and an unbuttoned tropical shirt that absolutely nobody asked him to buy.

meanwhile suguru sits beside you looking unfairly pretty in dark swim trunks and loose black sunglasses, hair tied back while ocean wind moves softly around him.

honestly?

it feels illegal how attractive they both are.

which unfortunately means other people are staring.

mostly at gojo.

because of course they are.

you notice a small group whispering nearby while glancing toward him again.

your eyes narrow slightly.

suguru notices immediately.

without saying a word, he reaches over and hooks an arm loosely around your waist before pulling you comfortably against his side.

calm. possessive.

completely deliberate.

“ignore them,” he murmurs softly near your ear.

you huff quietly. “i am ignoring them.”

gojo lifts his sunglasses slightly from where he’s laying. “you’re doing the face.”

“what face?”

“the ‘that’s my boyfriend’ face.”

“boyfriends,” Suguru corrects mildly.

Gojo grins instantly. “see? suguru gets it.”

you roll your eyes while both of them look entirely too pleased with themselves.

eventually gojo decides relaxing is “boring.”

which means trouble.

“beach volleyball,” he announces.

“absolutely not,” Suguru replies instantly.

“coward.”

“realistic.”

gojo ignores him before grabbing your wrist dramatically. “c’mon, baby, it’ll be fun.”

“last time you spiked the ball into someone’s lunch.”

“It was collateral damage.”

suguru closes his book with a sigh. “…i hate both of you.”

yet somehow he still follows.

because neither of you ever leave him out for long.

later, after volleyball disasters and nearly getting dragged into the ocean by gojo “for enrichment,” all three of you end up waist-deep in the water while sunset paints everything gold.

the waves roll lazily around your bodies.

warm. slow.

peaceful for once.

gojo wraps himself around your back immediately, chin resting dramatically on your shoulder while suguru stands in front of you both.

“you know,” gojo says thoughtfully, “if we lived on a beach, I’d become even hotter.”

suguru deadpans, “impossible. your ego physically cannot grow more.”

“wow. jealousy is ugly on you.”

“says the man clinging to her like a koala.”

“because she loves me.”

suguru’s mouth twitches faintly before his gaze shifts toward you.

“do you?”

you blink innocently. “maybe.”

gojo gasps loudly. “betrayal.”

before you can answer, another wave crashes against all three of you.

you laugh immediately as gojo tightens his grip around your waist dramatically.

suguru reaches out automatically to steady you too, hand warm against your arm.

for a moment it’s quiet.

just waves. saltwater.

and sunset reflecting across all three of you.

then gojo suddenly squints.

“…suguru.”

“what.”

“she definitely likes me more.”

suguru sighs deeply. “we are not restarting this conversation.”

you laugh so hard you nearly lose your balance again.

which only results in both of them grabbing you at the same time.

gojo from behind.

suguru from the front.

protective instinct kicking in instantly for both of them.

the realization makes warmth spread through your chest.

and judging by the way they’re both looking at you now, soft.

completely gone for you, they feel it too.

gojo leans down first to steal a quick salty kiss from your cheek.

suguru follows a second later, gentler, pressing one against your forehead while ocean water moves softly around all three of you beneath the fading summer sky.

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which is exactly why he starts making friends immediately.

it starts when another stay-at-home dad notices tsukki while walking past with his own baby balanced against his shoulder.

“how old?” the man asks with a tired smile.

“seven months,” dazai replies proudly.

tsukki blinks slowly at the stranger with the same expression dazai uses when he’s mentally judging people.

the man laughs. “he’s already got attitude.”

“genetics,” dazai says calmly.

soon enough, more dads slowly drift over.

apparently exhausted husbands with babies gravitate toward each other like magnets.

within minutes there’s a small group gathered near the shallow end.

all holding babies. all wearing expensive resort clothes. all looking equally sleep-deprived.

one baby is chewing on sunglasses. another is trying to eat a pool towel.

tsukki is simply staring at everyone like he’s evaluating their life choices.

the conversation immediately turns into tired-parent chaos.

“mine screamed for forty minutes because i peeled a banana wrong.”

“my daughter cried because i wouldn’t let her drink pool water.”

“tsukki wakes up offended by existence sometimes.”

one of the men snorts. “yeah, that sounds about right.”

another adjusts his baby carrier before glancing at dazai again.

“…so what does your wife do?”

that question changes everything.

because dazai smiles, that dangerous smile.

“Oh,” he says casually, “my wife’s terrifying.”

the group blinks.

“…terrifying?”

“She’s the breadwinner,” dazai explains proudly. “Very successful. Very intimidating. I’m basically a kept man.”

the men stare at him.

one finally laughs. “no way.”

“Yes way,” dazai says. “I live a luxurious life of emotional support and folded laundry.”

another dad points at him accusingly. “what do you even do all day?”

“I raise our son. I cook. I clean. I look beautiful near windows.”

the group bursts out laughing.

tsukki drools slightly against dazai’s chest.

one of the men wipes tears from his eyes. “nah seriously though, how rich is your wife?”

dazai glances toward your lounge chair across the pool.

you’re stretched beneath a large umbrella wearing sunglasses, completely relaxed while scrolling through your phone like you belong in a luxury magazine ad.

then he looks back at them.

“…watch this.”

immediately every single man leans forward because clearly something ridiculous is about to happen.

dazai walks across the pool deck carrying tsukki like a tiny assistant manager.

he stops beside your chair dramatically.

“darling,” he says sweetly.

you don’t even look up yet. “what.”

“I require financial assistance.”

now you lower your sunglasses slightly.

“…for what.”

“poolside survival.”

you stare at him for a long moment.

the dads across the pool are openly watching now.

then calmly, without a single word, you reach beneath the oversized sunhat sitting beside you.

and pull out a thick wad of cash.

actual cash. folded neatly.

completely unreasonable.

the men near the pool go dead silent.

you hand it to dazai casually like this is a completely normal interaction between married people.

“there,” you say calmly. “don’t spend it all in one place.”

dazai looks genuinely emotional.

“you’re so attractive,” he whispers.

“go away.”

he grins immediately before kissing your cheek and walking back toward the group still holding the money proudly in his hand.

the silence when he returns is devastating.

one of the dads finally speaks.

“…what the hell.”

another points directly at him. “is she your sugar mommy?”

dazai considers it seriously. “technically i think i’m her trophy husband.”

“HOW DID YOU PULL HER?”

dazai places one hand dramatically over his chest.

“through perseverance, charm, and mental illness.”

the group loses composure instantly.

one of the men nearly wakes his baby laughing.

another still looks stunned. “she just carries around stacks of cash?”

“she frightens me a little,” dazai says proudly.

“BRO.”

from that point onward, dazai becomes absolutely unbearable.

he lounges back in his chair with tsukki asleep against his chest while casually sipping a drink like he didn’t just emotionally damage every husband present.

“she bought this vacation,” he says lightly.

one of the dads groans immediately. “please stop talking.”

“she also booked first class.”

“i’m gonna throw you in the pool.”

“she told me my only responsibility this weekend was to relax and look pretty.”

“OH MY GOD.”

dazai smiles peacefully behind his sunglasses. “i know.”

eventually one of the wives walks over carrying drinks.

she takes one look at the group and immediately notices the energy.

“…what happened.”

her husband points directly at dazai. “his wife handed him a stack of money like a mafia boss.”

the woman blinks once.

then follows dazai’s gaze toward you sitting beneath the umbrella.

you haven’t even noticed the conversation happening yet.

she pauses.

“…oh.”

another husband notices instantly. “what.”

“…okay no, i understand now.”

“UNDERSTAND WHAT?”

she gestures vaguely toward you.

“…i’d also hand her my paycheck.”

the entire group erupts again.

dazai looks unbearably smug.

“thank you,” he says politely. “i agree.”

later, you finally wander over toward the pool with your sandals dangling from one hand.

the second dazai notices you, he sits up straighter automatically.

tsukki is asleep against his chest, tiny hand gripping his shirt.

you stop beside his chair. “you telling strangers about my finances?”

dazai smiles innocently. “networking.”

one of the dads immediately points at him. “he’s been flexing you for an hour.”

you sigh deeply.

“…that sounds right.”

dazai wraps one arm loosely around your waist as you stand beside him.

comfortable. casual. completely in love.

“You know,” one of the husbands says carefully, “he talks about you like you hung the moon.”

dazai doesn’t even hesitate.

“…because she did.”

you look down at him for a second before laughing softly despite yourself.

“you’re ridiculous.”

“and yet,” he says while tilting his head against your side, “you’re still obsessed with me.”

you roll your eyes.

but your fingers are already sliding into his hair while tsukki sleeps peacefully between you both.

and honestly?

dazai looks entirely too proud of himself for someone wearing baby sunscreen and carrying pool toys.

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