Just A Dude

I’m in your town & I keep seeing your ghost in every corner with eyes full of sorrow while mines are filled with regret. I still see your eyes when I close mines.

Do I have a place I can call a home?

I must say that not once in my life I would think to find comfort in nightmares; I lay here haunted by you in every waking and unconscious moment of my life.

I have come to a standstill with myself after I bumped into a mirror in the haunted halls of my mind that are stained by the grief I so desperately carry around in my hands; while I feel it slip through my fingers and stain my shoes leaving behind wet footprints on the carpets of this place i’ve built to keep you alive in my mind.

Put me down please, for I am restless and harsh. I’m a rabid dog who bites the hand of anyone who shows me love or affection. I don’t want to be violent anymore, I just want to be loved while being able to accept it.

I stand here amongst everyone a naked man covered with nothing but sin, I stand here guilty of existing. I wanna be clean but I will never be that; I was sculpted out of sin and all things shameful. I scrub at my body as rough as I can when I shower hoping to find out I’m made of marble so I could be made into a beautiful art piece that will be admired by all. I will be better someday. Or so I hope.

I feel like when it’s my time to go, heaven has no choice but to cry tears of blood and start another revolution; not because I have passed but because I was another failed son of their so called father who promised a better tomorrow.

I have kissed lips that didn’t belong to me. With it came the dreams and aspirations of their lover; I’ve stolen someone else’s life. I have kissed lips that didn’t belong to me and now I suffer a future where I won’t caress them again for they aren’t mines to hold dear. I have kissed lips that didn’t belong to me.

I’ve been flirting with death so much that it feels like I’m cheating everytime I get into a relationship and don’t cut it off; sad to say I find no guilt in this adultery I’m committing.

You make my feelings/emotions brew up as if a storm is coming and it frightens me but maybe just maybe I would want to dance in the rain with you.

I took some pills to ease myself but I’m still able to feel. Am I a living soul inside a dead body that sleeps but never rests? Am I feeling grief for myself, even though I am still here amongst the living. Am I the only one feeling this cold state? Like a betrayed moth that is in the light but no warmth.