"gendering" sadness

The video game Gris follows the stylized adventures of a young woman who traverses a fantasy land after the death of her mother, returning color to the landscape. Each new section she uncovers symbolizes a different stage of grief, showing her progression and growth through this fractured land.

Kahan, though he performs a similar kind of music, is treated incredibly differently by both fans and media. Instead of becoming the "black hole" that Mitski's music was described as, his works are treated more as a way to inject a sense of community and togetherness into the sadness that comes with changing seasons. While Mitski's music is seen as a void to throw negative emotions into, Kahan's music, though similarly melancholy, is called an "antidote."

This is not to say that Kahan's music cannot be seen as "sad girl" music. His music has similar themes and even a style that is not all that different from Mitski's. He has gathered some notice and following for creating a different style of music than many masculine artists.

The intention in this example, however, is to focus on how gendered expectations create different environments surrounding feminine creators as compared to masculine ones. Kahan has similar music and a similar style, but what sets him apart from the "sad girl" aesthetic is primarily the fanbase--instead of attracting mainly lonely teen girls, Kahan's music is primarily focused on the "New England" experience, and though his fans are not just confined to this area, it puts him into a different category of music.

The creation of the “sad girl” in a sense takes back this notion of feminized sadness. Modern feminism, though it has created progress, frequently pushes aside the truth that existing as feminine can be dangerous and frightening. This is not to say that being feminine is bad, per se, but instead to acknowledge the frequent violence, both physical and social, that feminine presenting people undergo. The sad girl aesthetic is, in a sense, a direct counterpoint to that of the "girlboss," a woman who is successful and happy through her financial or career-based success.

The "girlboss" is smart, independent, and doesn't need a man in her life, but at the core of her existence is her success in a male-dominated space. In order for her to exist, she must be the one in a million chance, the exception that proves the rule--that is, the fact that men tend to dominate the corporate sphere.

The "girlboss" notion of feminism brushes aside the very real issues surrounding gender in the workforce: unequal pay, segregated labor markets, sexual assault, and more. The girlboss ignores all of this, focusing on personal achievements in the face of an unequal society, ignoring the wider structural issues in favor of an individualized success story.

The "sad girl" acknowledges the existence of the "girlboss," but with the distinct understanding that her image is unrealistic and practically unattainable. Most women will not, and in fact cannot achieve this ideal image, and that can be disheartening and sometimes even downright depressing.