there's a head attached to my neck and I'm IN it

Ghosts aren't real, it was probably just the house settling that gave you that blowjob

just saw someone say they were "hyperfixated" on cooking with seasonal squash i love that nothing means anything

i’m seriously traumadumping pepper all over these boiled eggs

I’m gaslighting my stove

Please god it would be so funny

there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.

So what happens if Count Binface actually wins? Does he join Parliament? Does he have to take the bin off his face?

i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject

Everyone go look up the song nasa banned from space

i see a curved penis and i want to fix that shit. it's not that it's gross i just bet an hour in a bench vice would make that shit shoot straight. i wanna comically spin the handle and wrench it tight with the skill of a shop teacher that's been doing this for years. safety goggles on. heavy duty gloves. op! be careful of the clenching back there. that's how Ms. Paradise lost a pinky in college.

girl why is your pussy trying to take me on the road less traveled. fucking that thing i hear google maps say "exit left." trying to hit your spot but your pussy said that's not part of the guided tour. your shit is so twisted the people's joker took it to her doctor saying "like this please." I KNOW she WILL be comin around the mountain when she comes! i always wanted a girl who turned heads, but this is ridiculous!!!

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business

Official ominous sign(s)

I consider myself a real hater but sometimes you really do go too far with haterism. once I had to break mutuals with someone bc they hated the entire art form of poetry and the final straw was when they started hateposting about soup. The food

NOW WITH MUSHROOM !

he's pregnant with mushroom and it's yours