Orderlies Make Me Lose Control

"Howdy chat! So glad to be back in MADNESS: PROJECT NEXUS! Wahoo! Yippie!"

Your chat exploded into "wahoo"s and "yippie"s as you chuckled. "Happy to see me, eh fellas?"

A friend piped up through a donation. "BESTIE! THE! THE MAG BANBIT. . . WHATCHU GONNA DO ABOUT THAT?"

You hummed thoughtfully. "Okay, hear me out. We get him on our side."

The chat went wild at the proposition. One half rooting for you, the other half demanding you reconsider. You grunted. "Don't worry, if I die I'll just come back. Y'all fellas know this, yeah?"

Reluctantly, your chat agreed (Well, most of your chat agreed) to let you go ahead with your plan. With one final "Wahoo!", you started the game.

Instantly you were flung into the heat of battle, the loud thumping of the MAG bandit's footsteps growing ever closer. "Skunk!" you cried, "hide behind me!"

Skunk, rather than hiding, shouted up to the MAG. "Hi Baby!"

You raised a brow. "Baby? That's their name?"

The MAG bandit, Baby, scurried up to Skunk and crouched down. He sniffed at her loudly. "SKUNKIE!" he exclaimed, nuzzling her intensely as she giggled.

Cautiously, you approached, hand on the pistol at your side. "Hi, Baby. . ." you cooed softly. "Hiiii. . ."

Baby perked up quickly and sniffed at you, pushing his face right up against you. "FOOD?" he bellowed.

"Ah- um-" you looked to Skunk nervously.

Skunk chuckled. "Hey Baby, that's not food! He's our pal!"

Baby gently headbutted you. "OKAY!" he exclaimed. He got up and waddled past you, changing his focus from you to the AAHW. He began to throw things at them-- cars, metal scraps, chunks of concrete. . .

Fighting agents was, in a word, boring.

Repetitive, even. At least it was exciting as you tried to keep Skunk safe from all the gunfire.

"Hey, get behind me!" You shouted to her as another wave approached. You gritted your teeth and opened fire at the agents, soldats, and engineers.

She dove behind you as you took shots at the AAHW and rogue bandits. "Yeah! Get some!" You laughed loudly as you pelted your enemies with a haze of bullets.

"Oi! Bring in the big guy!" Shouted a nearby bandit before Skunk sliced him open with a rusted piece of scrap.

"The big guy?" You looked around. "Surely they don't mean the MAG?"

Loud thumping and a roar answered you, and you swallowed thickly. Thinking fast, you paused your game to talk to chat, which was devolving into chaos. "Okay, okay, this is NOT normal, guys."

"Maybe it's just the mod changing things. I'm sure the story will be normal," someone said quickly through a donation.

You sighed. "Yeah, maybe. Maybe. I think I'll take a lil break, should I end the stream? Like, this is a looong game, I don't wanna be stuck in a vr headset for upwards six hours."

While much of chat disagreed and wanted you to continue until the industrial sector, one of your friends piped up in chat. "If your not ready for the fight, take a couple hours break, okay? Love ya pal!"

With a chuckle, you agreed. "Yeah, I'll end the stream today. I love y'all fellas, don't forget to 'wahoo' at least once a day!" you laughed. "Bye fellas!"

Sanford gently placed his hands on your shoulders, unsuccessful in avoiding your flinching. He sighed. "Hey. You okay? I know I hurtcha real bad yesterday. . ." He kissed your still-healing shoulder, making you hiss.

"Stop. I'm done," you signed.

A chuckle sounded from Sanford's lips as he rubbed your shoulders. "Oh, sweetheart. . . We're never done." He squeezed your shoulder, and you winced.

He laughed again, then walked over and grabbed a pair of pliers. "I'll keep those hands from talking for a while." He positioned the pliers at one of your fingers, then yanked it out of its socket.

You growled at the uncomfortable pressure it caused and bared your teeth at him, making him smile. "Aww, baby. You're adorable!" He gently pinched your cheek, and you snapped at him, making him retract his hand with a grin.

You scootched back, glaring at him. "Fuck you," you signed.

Sanford sighed and crouched down. "You okay sweet stuff?" He put a hand firmly on your face. "I want you to be okay."

"Why?" you sign.

]] Jebediah does not form attachments easily. At least, he tries not to.

]] But you were. . . different. Maybe he was only attracted to you aesthetically, but he wouldn't ever say so. He was convinced that you needed him from the moment he saw you.

]] He didn't mean to stalk you, he just wanted to keep you safe! Without your knowing consent, inevitably.

]] Jeb believes himself to be a savior. Your savior. He needs to protect you from everyone he distrusts Hank and his dissenter friends, and he will do whatever it takes to do that.

]] He would never kidnap you, but he would try to weasel himself into your life.

]] Your first meeting with him was. . . a doozy.

]] "Be not afraid." "WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, THIS IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE."

]] Noticing the blood on his hands, you take a step back. He takes a step forward and repeats his statement. "Be not afraid," he growled.

]] You whimpered, and tears sprang to your eyes. He noticed this and quickly approached.

]] Most grunts like affection, yes? So surely you would too. He places a hand on your cheek as you devolve further into panic.

]] He gently shushes you, guiding you to a seated position. He smiles at you. "Your savior is here."

Though traveling with Skunk had led to (some) bandits not attacking you, you still killed every last one in your way. This didn't frighten Skunk as much as it should, but she was still terrified of you.

You handed her a crowbar. "You know how to fight?"

She nodded. You tossed her the crowbar, which she caught easily. "Um, you seem to be pretty good on your own, sir."

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah, but I want you to fight with me! It'll be a fun teamwork building activity! Come on."

Skunk looked at the crowbar and sighed. "Y-yes, that sounds. . . r-reasonable."

"There we go!" You patted her head. "Now come on, we've got a project to destroy."

You smiled at Skunk as she walked beside you.

The two of you jumped at a loud screech of metal. A bandit walked out of a tollbooth, approaching Skunk with a screwdriver. "Can't pass, girlie!" He squealed.

Growling, Skunk assumed an attack position. She bared her serrated fangs (Holy shit, they look like shark teeth!) at the bandit. He merely laughed and began to run towards her, at which point you make the split-second decision to punch him in the face.

"GAHow! What the-" He barely had time to finish as Skunk lodged the crowbar into his skull.

You gently placed your hand on Skunk's shoulder. "Hon, you're shaking."

She turned to you after yanking out the crowbar. "I'm fine. Let's keep going."

You shrugged.

Exiting the building where the gun was, you looked at the bridge and the box across from it. Without warning, you began to shoot the box, making Skunk scream. You quickly stopped.

"Sorry, sorry!" You rushed to her side. "You okay?"

Your view of the game returned to you as you said your (temporary) goodbye to chat. You looked at the wreckage of the truck, then at Sanford and Deimos. "Y'all okay?"

Sanford gave you a look. "Since when did you care, man?" He scowled meanly and took out a medkit before lifting Deimos's shirt to check for any injuries.

"I-I'm sorry," You murmured.

Deimos wheezed and tried to sit up. "Lighten up, 'Ford! Hanky's been in a good mood lately, don't wanna ruin it! 'Sides, I'm fine!" He coughed loudly. "Still in one piece!"

Sanford rolled his eyes. "Be a good mercenary and scout up ahead, will ya?"

"Yeah, sure thing Sanny." You could practically hear the surprise as Sanford heard the nickname. You chuckled and walked away, eager to get this one-grunt show on the road.

As you wandered forward, you heard the distinct voice of a bandit. Oh, this'll be fun. You snuck up behind one of the pair and snapped his neck quickly, then beat the other to death. You whistled softly. "Fun."

Spotting a few more up ahead, you raced forwards and got to work beating the shit outta them, laughing happily. "It's like a stress toy, or a dog toy! You hit it and it makes a funny noise!" You giggled at the joke.

You made your way down the street, obtaining your first weapon: A pipe. You chuckled, weighing it in your hands. "Things are gettin' groovy."

Noticing a few bandits emerging from a building, you ran up and swung your pipe. "The fuck wazzat for, twink?" You giggled at his remark as you beat him to death. You didn't know these guys could curse!

Finishing up, you noticed there was one more bandit. Going towards her, you noticed something odd- she didn't seem to want to fight. If anything, she seemed scared. Huh. I wonder if I can add her to the team.

You whistled at her in the same way you might whistle to a dog. "C'mere," you called. Terrified, she skittered over. You chuckled. "What's your name?"

"S-S-Skunk," she stuttered out.

You raised a brow. "Skunk, huh? You uh, wanna come with?"

Skunk looked at you with confused fear. "You don't wanna hurt me?"

"Alright chat, we ready?"

You took a deep, excited breath. Today was the day of your first stream, testing out a new mod that would make the main (and most side) characters "self aware", using ai and deepfakes.

The chat practically exploded with hearts and encouragement as you laughed. "Alright, fellas, we gotta get into character, okay? We're Hank, we gotta do what Hank would do." Instantly the chat recommended sex with 2BDAMNED, which you laughed at. "I'm not fucking anyone!"

The game started as soon as you chose a new file, and you were dropped into Hank's form in the back of the truck. You smiled as you heard Sanford's voice. "Hank, you ready to brawl?"

Deimos laughed heartily and added, "Don't get shot, pal!"

You giggled. You adored these two so much! "When have I ever, Dei?" you responded with a bit of snark, earning a cackle.

A Soldat leaped from his motorcycle and onto the truck bed, and you quickly went to town with your fists, punching his face to a pulp. Two agents hopped in behind you, and you grabbed the knife off of the dead Soldat and started slicing, cheering and whooping as you did so.

"Damn, pal, never heard you so happy!" Deimos rasped hoarsely. You laughed and continued to fight until your knife broke.

Sanford spoke up. "There's a little treat we left in the chest there," he shouted. "Try it out!"

You opened the chest and grinned when you saw your new weapon. "Oh fuck yes," you whispered, "A little treat for me!" You grabbed the gun and started blasting, mowing down agents before they could even get on.

Deimos laughed. "Havin' fun back there, pal?"

"You know it!" you replied, shooting to your heart's content. You glanced at the chat- yeah, about now those bandits should-

"WAUUGH!"

The screen cut to the loading screen and you laughed, then looked at chat. "How'd I do?"

"A little too giddy," said a friend through a donation. You giggled.

"I can't help it, man, I'm excited to be Hank! Wahoo! Yippie!"

The chat filled up with "Wahoo"s and "Yippie"s, which seemed to be your catchphrase. You laughed. "Don't worry, y'all, this stream ain't over!"