gay son

jake and john are two sides of an orbit. they aren’t the same, but they are treated as such for different reasons.

john is seen only as: leader. he isn’t appreciated for his skills outside of that. he isn’t necessarily hailed as someone’s closest comrade. he’s useful, but once that runs out, he’s nothing.

jake is seen only as: lover. his skills are only recognized to get closer to him. they care not for his mind but his skin. the love he is shown isn’t necessarily real. sure he’s useful, but once that runs out, he’s nothing.

what dirk wants most in a partner is: all of them. he hates himself and needs to latch inside the skin of someone who doesn’t love themselves. jake and john both don’t necessarily hold themselves in a high regard. john KNOWS he isn’t the smartest or strongest, and jake THINKS it

dirk is the prince of heart. he wants to take the heart inside their chest and replace it with himself. safe and made to power the other person.

he wants nothing more than a canvas of his own desire to stain with the blood in his heart. he’d kill himself if they said the word. he knows everyone sees him as nothing. that’s why he wants him.

first off thank you so much!!

very convenient you asked because i worked up a john lalonde analysis just yesterday. if i work up the courage i might write some rose egbert stuff :0)

John Strider: an analysis

The base: John Egbert

john is the way he is because of a supportive and consistently supportive father. probably the most normal out of the guardians. (which. isn’t hard.) he has his pseudo openness because of a good life, a happy life. he feels free to embrace his dork because he thinks his father is as big of a dork as he is.

Strider Household

so, you put him into a strider house. sure bro SEEMS caring, but it’s more reckless than anything, more reckless than his fathers harmless pranks and insistent baking. sure, his interests will be tolerated, but will he have that open and vocal support? will he have that backboard that he ALWAYS seems to have?

John Strider: Front

john strider fends for himself. he knows he’s not cool, and he’s fine with that. he doesn’t idolize bro as much as he naturally appreciates what he does get from him, as much as he doesn’t want to. john lives having to support himself and uplift himself, even if it’s not exactly easy. he’s quick on his feet, fast with his mind, but slow with his trust.

John Strider: Core

what with having to look out for random sword attacks, you don’t exactly always feel like letting people into your mind. does this diminish his care for his friends? never. he cares for them, but there’s an inkling in his stomach that never knows how much he really feels like sharing. it’s almost selfish? at least he thinks it is. but he’s fine with that. he’s fine with the way he is. some people will like it, some won’t. he cares for his friends, but he doesn’t know if he could ever be close enough to let them in. he’s not so much confident in himself as he is just. self reliant. he’s had to learn to always just be okay with how he is. cause if he’s not, who will be? who will be okay with how he is?

Confidence, Ugh.

john wouldn’t think anyone would be okay with him. he’s closed off and dorky and a little loud and kinda annoying and nothing he’s done so far has warranted the support he’s needed- no. craved. john works off his support. his dad, rose, karkat, terezi, vriska. john can’t seem to do anything without someone telling him “yes, that’s right.”

so you strip that away?

how is he supposed to know he’s okay?

sure he knows it, but will he ever know it?

John Egbert = Trust

a part of john that people underplay is his trust. he trusts so easily. it’s how he first died. it’s how he second died. it’s been his downfall continuously. trust has led him to multiple horrible positions. but he just. keeps trusting. he trusted rose so continuously as his server player, even if it didn’t always work. he trusted terezi to lead him onto the rocket. he trusted vriska to put him to sleep on his quest bed. karkat POINTS THIS OUT to him.

john TRUSTS so much. he’s so used to that support that he’s so open to trust ANYONE. even with his LIFE. he never understood his mortality until sburb, until he quite literally faced it multiple times.

John Strider ≠ Trust

so what, what’s the point of this?

he’s like that because of support.

you throw him into an environment with minimal support, and consistent sword fights, and he is forced to face facts quick. him against the world. he can’t trust so easily. wouldn’t this be a good thing though? he doesn’t trust so easily, he isn’t so naive, he isn’t as prone to such stupid downfalls. he loves his friends. he LOVES his friends. but reality is always at his door. his reality. he can’t so easily trust his life with people that are supposed to love him too.

Support poisons him

while skeptical at first, support always leads john to trusting in whatever insane plan someone offers to him. from the most mundane and overlooked, to his deaths.

vriska assured him all he had to do was sleep on his quest bed, and he’d ascend! he’d reach a tier not many get to! only the strongest! the best! and he trusted that. he wanted to be good so he could help his team. so he could find his dad.

terezi assured him she knew exactly how to get to the next gate! how to finish the game all together! how to fix everything! so he could help his team. so he could find his dad.

Relationship with self

he thinks he’s so. INCOMPETENT. he KNOWS it. he KNOWS he’s not as smart as his friends, but that’s okay! it’s why he so easily ends up trusting people under the guise of them being more experienced, smarter than him.

but living under bro, he knows that’s not always the case. the people who are meant to be trusted aren’t always trustworthy. he has to trust himself. he has to believe he’s right. he has to believe he’s okay. that’s not something you can find in someone else. is he selfish? is he self reliant? he’s john.

he is john strider. he will live and die with that name. he might as well be okay with it. be okay with him. trust himself, no one else.

John: Core

trust is in john’s blood. part of me feels like he so badly wants to trust his friends. he wants to weep about his feelings and be met with warmth. he wants to thank his friends when they compliment his hobbies. he wants to open the dam and let his emotions pour out. it’s who he is. it’s written in the dna that makes up his body.

but he knows he can’t. john strider knows himself better than anyone.