I post what I want

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

I sowed some holes in my clothes today, hashtag house wife

the only new feature I want tumblr to add is a mutuals tab and a mandatory ai label with the option to turn off seeing it on my dash

For context, the woman on the left is married to the man on the right, who recently cheated on her with the male yatch owner, and is currently cheating on her with a famous actress. also (SPOILER) he’s plotting to murder his wife. It’s a great movie!!!

Sorry we really went from free the nipple, take back the night, slut walks, and ending gender/sex segregation in sports being fucking milquetoast feminism 101 concepts to fucking girl dinner and "I just worry about fairness if we let trans girls play against cis ones" and "it was right of that woman to call the cops on a black man for existing near here in public during the day time because men are all violent monsters" and "radical feminism isn't transphobic we just need to kill all men including trans ones those oppressive traitors" and I will legit never be able to be normal about it. What the FUCK happened. I'd say I wonder what the feminists of my youth would say about this but I'm one and lemme tell ya I want to throw up. Go fucking read bell hooks or do something else useful please because all of this learned helplessness, gender essentialism, and transphobia dressed up as feminism is actively holding us back.

Somehow being a person does not come naturally to me

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

wake up in the morning go to sleep

wake up in the morning go to sleep

whoaaa .... whats a lovely slimer like you doing in the benthic zone. .....

wake up in the morning go to sleep

whoaaa .... whats a lovely slimer like you doing in the benthic zone. .....

wake up in the morning go to sleep

I used to think it was kind of an odd factoid that most shark attacks happen because they mistake the outline of a surfboarder or diver for a seal and then I actually visited the ocean for the first time in my life a few years ago and immediately mistook a harbour seal for a guy in a wetsuit and had to be corrected. imagine if I waved and he couldn’t even wave back because his flippers are too short. humiliating for all parties involved