@openperdition - Tumblr Blog

turning this back into a side blog

#i am a venter from venting #tags used feel free to block #for later #im not even bothered half the time just dont bother

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everybody wants to leave me im destined to be alone forever starting to feel like i need to do cardio

soft launching a mental illness that got popular feels like being on death row with no set date

every day i contradict myself in ways i refused to acknowledge ive genuinely always had a sense of self but it gets thrown out of the window the moment i want to be liked its so natural to me i dont even question it most of the time but i dont know what to do because it feels so right in the moment and i revert at the end of the day FUCK!!!!!!!!! cant do shit!!!!!

#for later

if i didnt have to feel guilty about blood donations i wouldve relapsed already today i seriously cant do this also realising how dead my peripheral nerves actually are for the damage done hahahahahhaah hilarious mid even as self destructing

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nicotined alcoholed and caffeinated as shit even now my hr is 70+ lying down fuckkkk

idk how people cope with having thoughts at all lol

when u lowkey start dating and lowkey get insane for the foreseeable future im so sorry everyone who jas to witness this i live for fun and joy and happiness this included cant have highs without being in the trenches too

ridiculous mood swings i should be put down for having them but before then rewarded for my ability to cope now

on that note i think my method of coping still makes me unwell regardless because it doesnt really improve situations and is sometimes maladaptive i overrrwaxt and to not i need to apply the same method unanimously to face it but that means i just dismissed everything and have to work extra to fix myself which sounds normal if that wasnt an oversimplifying my thought process

im comsidering carving vertically opening my arterirss out and also maybe i should have more self control or speak more eloquently except all at omce and rhat makes me wanna die. how else would i pick myself apart if i didnt stop the spirally first.

you die if you wanan kys

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always need to dusclose mental illnesses becayse nothing stops the thought of carving mysekf open i need to actively exercise self control to not act on it and its not out of desire either the consequences just outweighs the potential

having an interest in people makes me crazy i cant handle relationships platonic inclusive its so hard for me to stay stable

chemicals go craaaazy

someone whos well adjusted: i miss people ive seen 3 times and people ive known for less than 2 months and i wish i am an important person to them

what the disease called when youre fine and havinf a good time but theres. a dull breathlessness in your upper back and makes you want to claw your skin open if i dwell on it for a single second folding under no pressure but if i ignore it i can live until i feel again

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Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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it feels so good bad to think about , ruminate on the things i hold back from usually

actually expressing yourself is so carthartic and self fulfilling prophecy when people not just leave but make fun of you for it too

however contrary to stereotype i will also leave im not subjecting myself to that for any body

somewhere between its not so bad and i have reduced nerve endings and cant feel on certain spots

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