we're eternal

Geralt's a fake ass homosexual if I had Joey Batey trailing after me for 20 years singing ballads about how amazing I was and tenderly stitching up my wounds after I got my ass kicked and gently washing my hair and was so devoted to me that everyone called him my bard I would've fucked him so hard that his vertebrae would be shooting out of his mouth like a pez dispenser but maybe that's just me.

#this spawned a thoughts in my brain wherein Flynn gets caught &sentenced to death as in canon #and rapunzel decides to go big (and unknowingly) go home and shows up to save him by pulling the Anastasia Con 'i'm the lost princess!' #and as soon as she has secured his release is like OKAY HOW DO WE DO THIS #and he's like do what???? the lost princess con is a game! no one wants the risk of actually trying it! #and didn't you say it would be mean to do that to the king and queen?? #'that was before they tried to have you killed though? so lets figure it out fast! '#anyway they sit down to hash out Her Story and Flynn puts the timeline together and goes uhhhhh I think you might actually be her actually? #the orphanage didn't teach much math but he's been a thief long enough to know 2 plus 2 is 4. (@hedgiwithapen)

The Juniors of MDZS go from "lmao who the heck is that weirdo can he pls leave" to "Senior Wei might be a mass murderer but I would DIE for him without a second thought"

it’s not that JC and WWX aren’t as close to each other it’s that JC doesn’t understand the concept of relationship decay and WWX forgets ppl exist if he’s not looking at them and as such is immune to relationship decay and no one else understands it LWJ expresses concern for WWX and JC’s relationship since he knows how important JC is for his husband WWX is immediately confused and is like ‘what are you talking about? we’re still close??’ and calls him up immediately jc: ‘the fuck do you want I’m busy?’WWX: ‘I wanted to invite you to dinner! I miss my baby brother ;v; and his bad story telling’ jc: ‘I literally cannot stand you. of course I’m free to come over. what time I’ll bring drinks?’ LWJ is more confused and thinks maybe he just shouldn’t say anything anymore (via featherfur)

#okay but what i want is a lan wangji who very pissily keeps a calendar of all of jiang cheng's most important dates#his birthday his graduation his idk wedding anniversary whatever#because he has to remind wei wuxian to send him a text to say hbd etc.#otherwise wwx will forget! and sometimes something will make him realize afterwards that he forgot and he will be sad!#lwj doesn't want wei ying to be sad! so unfortunately lwj is forced to keep track of his nemesis's life events#and like. pay attention to jc's interests so that when wwx says OH NO I DIDN'T GET HIM A GIFT!!!#10 minutes before the birthday dinner he forgot about#(sidenote wwx def forgots about jc's birthday dinner every year even though it's always less than a week after his own bdy dinner)#lwj can reach into his idk briefcase or whatever like 'here are two tickets to a band both of you loved as teenagers'#and wwx is like 'omg so weird i thought i heard about these selling out immediately!'#and lwj is just shifty-eyed like 'hm. yes. that is weird.'#they did sell out immediately though. lwj got the tickets because he waited with his mouse hovering over the button#five months in advance#because he knew it would be the perfect present for wwx to give to his horrid undeserving little brother#so cute. love that for him. enjoy having to perform all this emotional labor for that one guy you don't like. mwah (via @howdydowdy)

Something that is in fact SO important to Wei Wuxian is that, fundamentally, he is hot. He is Thee Hot Girl. He’s shooting five arrows blindfolded as a charged political statement and he’s doing it with zero magic powers AND he was sexy when he did it. He beats out his own brother (sorry, Jiang Cheng) for Most Eligible Bachelor despite being literally dirt poor and not a sect heir. He lives rent free in the minds of everybody twenty years later, to the point that JC and LWJ are literally Like That and NHS literally constructed his revenge plot around him and— look, just watch the scenes at the Second Burial Mounds Siege. Oh, and they use all his inventions, even though he’s an evil heretic, because uhhh they were really good inventions. Actually. Like he was in fact at the top of the field as an inventor and innovator. And he was hot. AND he had no powers. Whoops.

where's that post about people on the internet making up a hypothetical strawman and accidentally summoning that strawman or something

Tumblr is like the land of Oz: Every once in a while an unprompted walking, talking strawman shows up to do a little dance and sing a song about how they have no brains at all.

Oh sorry? you think someone wanted to go up and measure that thing with a fucking yardstick??? just roll on up to the boar the size of a fucking car with some handily-dandily measuring tape? to get an accurate reading on it in fucking centimeters???

If I had to choose a last meal before getting sent to the gallows I would choose all of the worlds suffering so nobody has to hurt anymore

i would choose olive garden endless breadsticks

Oh I love breadsticks changing my answer

the humble geiger counter as i walk through the cherobyl exclusion zone

Listen to me. Listen to me right now. Two years from now people are going to tell you to vote for Democrats in the midterms. And you're going to shut the fuck up and do it.

Was I the one scrolling this post like "surely this is going to be the last one"

march sunlight… coming soon to a window near you

matter of fact, i think tcgf and more largely mxtx provides great proof that you can make so many cliche/overdone/otherwise unappealing booktok-esque romance tropes enjoyable if you just let the love interests be a little weird and pathetic about it. the problem is not the tropes it’s that men aren’t losering like they used to

Survival tip #104: Try not to think of yourself as "trapped here forever." I prefer to say I'm "pre-release."