Out of the Office Ramblings

We're no strangers to code

You know the failures and so do I

A full deployment's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from software that we buy

I just wanna tell you how I'm changing

Gotta make you wait til 10

Never gonna spin you up

Never gonna take you down

Never gonna terraform and reboot you

Never gonna be that guy

Never gonna run apply

Never gonna start vi and hurt you

We've been alerting for so long

You're alert fatiguing, and not shy to say it

Inside we both know what's been going on

We know the load and we're gonna trace it

And if I ask you if it's running

Don't say observability

Never gonna spin you up

Never gonna take you down

Never gonna terraform and reboot you

Never gonna be that guy

Never gonna run apply

You can't type *this

You can't type *this

You can't type *this

You can't type *this

Vi, vi, vi, vi

Segfaults hit me so hard

Makes me say "Is this the word?

Thank you for stressing me

With a mind to bind and a bandwidth spree"

It feels good when you resolve a case

A super dope debug staring in yo face

And Git knows me as such

This is a line, uh, you can't touch

I told you, homeboy

You can't type *this

Yeah that's how we buildin and you know

You can't type *this

Zoom in my eyes, man

You can't type *this

Yo, let me link the shared libs

You can't type *this

I told you

You can't type *this

Gee cee cee, you can't type *this

Yo, we're exit one

The Homeowner Machine, oh the Homeowner Machine

Most perfect contraption that's ever been seen.

Just put in your money, then drop in some wine,

Snap on the switch, and in 10 weeks time,

Your home comes out, quick and clean as can be.

Here it is - "What's left to close?" and the answer is "fee."

Fee?

Oh me...

I guess it's not as perfect

Alright stop, vaccinate and listen,

I am back with my brand new contention,

Invites grab a hold of me tightly,

Flow like another zoom daily and nightly,

Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know,

Close the office, no hello,

To the extreme I make calls with mock api,

Light up a screen and boom ITSI,

Type, til there no light in these rooms,

I'm killin your tasks like a poisonous mushroom,

Deadly, when I patch my bugs desperately,

Anything less than a SNOW is a felony,

Love it or leave it, stay off the roadway,

You better hit your tv, try stream 4k,

If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it,

Check out my PR, where testing I omit,

Wal-mart, End Cap

X-per-i Wal-mart, End Cap

X-per-i Wal-mart, End Cap

X-per-i Wal-mart, End Cap

Yo man let's get out of here,

To breathe, or not to breathe, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of social distancing,

Or to take arms against a sea of covid

And by disinfecting end them. To die - to zoom,

No more; and by a zoom to say we end

The productivity and the thousand natural builds

That fingers are heir to: 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be avoided. To die, to zoom;

To zoom, perchance to mute - ay, there's the rub:

For in that zoom of death what talking over others may come,

Welcome to the (company name)

We've got noise and memes

We've got everything you want, and also MS teams

We are the people that can find whatever you may need

If you got the payment, claimant, we got your TV

(company name), welcome to the (company name)

Watch it tune into your s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s stream, stream

Uh, I want a warranty

Welcome to the (company name), with new tools every day

If you want it, that warranty, then it's a paperwork bouquet

You're very robust bash, very hard to crash

You can taste large input but you won't get there with flash

In the (company name), welcome to the (company name)

Read my, my, my raw bitstream

Twas the night before Blue Moon,

And all through the lot,

Not a white line was drawn,

Not a single spot.

Bugzilla was converted to jira with care,

The result that we would not know what was where.

P4 and collab, all snug in their versions,

While changes made now too much an excursion.

At once in the cafe there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my very noisy fan based cube to see what was the matter.

To 2190 I walked at a pace,

Pressed my badge and opened the gates.

When what to my wandering eyes did appear,

But a broken yo-yo, and eight tiny financiers.

They gave me a look, down noses in my direction,

What else could I do, I left without objection.

I heard them exclaim, as I marched out of sight,

When I wake up in the morning,

The alarm gives out a warning,

I don't think I'll ever checkin on time.

By the time I run my build,

With output I'm not so thrilled,

I'm at the office just in time to do my WeComply.

It's alright, because bash is my shell.

If the code fails a test,

I know I'm in a mess,

And my buffer was unable to write.

That var I forgot to declare,

I know I fixed it I swear,

If I can mark it done tomorrow it will be alright.

It's alright, because bash is my shell.

It's alright, because bash is my

It's alright, because bash is my

It's alright, because bash is my shell.

(apologies to Weird Al, and thus, to Iggy Azalea too)

First things first I'm a craftsman (craftsman),

Dank Meming is my only passion (it's my passion).

And I'm the greatest in the slack.

Want referrals yo,

My clientele don't hold feedback.

I can help when your point don't stick,

There is no meme in the world I can't pick.

I do cats, I do dogs, I do gifs,

Call me, I'll come rushing over with my flash of tricks (flash of tricks).

Where you go when you want those points (on the net),

Strangers ain't done telling you to jet (jet),

When you look at the screen and sweat,

Just one name got all this on diskette.

I'm so handy, you already know,

I'll upload your pic when your wifi is too slow.

I'm so handy, I'll even write your code,

HAI 1.2

I HAS A NUM ITZ "4"

BTW THIS IS NOT C++ OR JAVA

BOTH SAEM NUM "4"

OBTW SRSLY?

I CAN HAZ LOLCODE

TLDR

O RLY?

  YA RLY

    VISIBLE ":(48):(69):(20):(74):(68):(65):(72):(65):(20):(49):(27):(6d):(20):(67):(6f):(69):(6e):(67):(20):(74):(6f):(20):(59):(6f):(73):(65):(6d):(69):(74):(65):(0a)"

  MEBBE BOTH SAEM NUM "5"

    VISIBLE ":(52):(49):(50):(20):(47):(72):(75):(6d):(70):(79):(20):(43):(61):(74):(0a)"

  NO WAI

    VISIBLE ":(54):(68):(69):(73):(20):(69):(73):(20):(66):(69):(6e):(65):(2e):(20):(49):(20):(61):(6d):(20):(6f):(6b):(61):(79):(20):(77):(69):(74):(68):(20):(74):(68):(65):(20):(65):(76):(65):(6e):(74):(73):(20):(75):(6e):(66):(6f):(6c):(64):(69):(6e):(67):(20):(63):(75):(72):(72):(65):(6e):(74):(6c):(79):(0a)"

OIC

Things I will not be doing this coming week:

Coding

Distracting others on slack

Strawberry picking

Bull riding

Office singing

Adding laser beams to sharks

Macarena

Yodeling

Extreme basketweaving

Full court ironing

Effortless oranging

Plastic dinosaur planning

Jelly bellying

Chocolate overhaul

Superpositional argumentation

Quasi-quantum retro encabulating using cosine variation of partial derivatives in the kernel of n dimensional space

Peanut schema planning

Master sword forging

AP Ice Cream

Method acting

Amateur professionaling

Bisque whisking

Full contact charades

You can go if you want to.

You can leave your work behind.

Cause your code don't work and if it don't work,

A bug will be assigned.

I say, we can meet where we want to, a room where they will never find,

And we can act like we will get everything done,

Will the meeting start on time?

You checkin if you want to, if you don't nobody will.

You can ignore eCAB, deploy your code to lab,

But you lose all of your freewill.

I say you can go, you can go, everything's under control.

You can go, you can go. We're lowering your cube wall.

You can go, you can go. Everybody look at your board.

You can go, you can go. Your review has been scored.

Refuge Strut

Oh well the refuge strut

Ah yes the refuge strut

Oh it's the refuge strut

Once upon a summer eerie, while I worked weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of pythonic lore -

While I headbanged, nearly working, suddenly there came a tug,

As of some one gently pulling, pulling me from my cube door.

"Tis some visitor," I muttered, "Pulling at my cube door - Only this and nothing more."

Ah, I remember when it was yesterday's standup in July;

And each separate dying status wrought its ghost upon the zoom.

Intently I heard the griping; - vainly I had sought the hyping

From my time surcease of typing - typing for the lost rapport.

I woke up, breathing hard and drenched in sweat. It was still dark outside. The knife's edge of past regrets was cutting deeply.

"It isn't that time again already, is it?" I muttered, actually out loud. 

I rolled over and stared out the window at the few twinkling lights of the early morning. An airplane took off in the distance. Even though it's irrational, I still expect that when I'm contemplating weighty issues, the rest of the world should flex somehow, should understand that and grant me some leniency. Sadly, I am disappointed again. It's a cold reminder of the harshness of reality.

A white light briefly blinds me after another daily utterance of, "Alexa, turn on the lights". Just yesterday the fake Christmas tree went up, it decides to join in the chorus of blinding lights. Without thinking, a bowl of cereal appears in front of me. I squint at it; through it. Am I squinting because my eyes are still adjusting to the light, or because I can't quite focus on the world? The spoon in my hand feels funny, and unfamiliar. The texture is more noticeable, and it seems colder.

I muster up the courage to go into the bathroom, and brush my teeth. The electric toothbrush tries to wake me up further with relentless buzzing, but to no avail. The mouthwash helps out, with its old familiar stinging sensation. I start to feel again. The shower is next, and tries its best to get me going, which is probably why it's so challenging to get it the right temperature.

If you need to reach me, then sucks to be you.

Or slack me.