your light and night

[January]

 “Stay” Yoongi whispers with his eyes closed.

“We have to get ready”

“Ten minutes. Just stay like this for ten minutes”

You grant his wish and stay on the bed with him. You lie patiently on your back. He sleeps while facing you, hugging you on the waist.

“When we arrive at your home, I will barely hold you for the next two days”

You caress his face and he leans to you.

“They know we live together, maybe this time they will let you sleep with me instead of staying in guest room”

“Nah, your father won’t let me”

“But he likes you”

Yoongi opens his eyes. His sleepiness is gone and leaves him with laziness.

“It doesn’t mean he wants a man to sleep with his daughter under his nose”

You laugh after hearing Yoongi’s comment. He always has something to say and it hits home. Your father indeed likes Yoongi. They can talk for hours while your mom and you are preparing food. But sleeping together or showing skinship are whole different things for him.

“Did he say something to you?”

“Hmm…”

Yoongi pretends to think. You know there’s something between the two men after your last visit. Both of them seem to want it staying as secret. He supports his head with his right hand and looks at me with serious face.

“You don’t have to know”

“Ugh. Did you guys plan something fishy?”

Yoongi’s face comes closer to you. Being together for a year doesn’t make you less affected by him and his aura. Even he looks so casual and cute after waking up, your heart can’t help but to beats faster.

“Yes. We plan something fishy like fishing on the sea next month without you” he whispers while teasing you.

“No way, Dad won’t leave me behind” you whisper back to him.

“Yes way” he says before kissing you.

 It starts slow and steady. The ten minutes requested by Yoongi has passed but you don’t really care. You have enough time to get ready before 1 night and 2 days trip for Lunar New Year to your parents’ home. His fingers touch your skin softly under your t-shirt.

“Yoongs”

Yoongi stops kissing you and puts smirk on his face.

“We should stop, right? We can’t let your parents waiting” he says before kissing your forehead and gets up. You can hear his laugh when he walks away.

“Min Yoongi!”

  You stay on your bed, looking at the ceiling. Somehow, you feel more tired after waking up. You may expertise in taking a deep breath now. It helps you holding in your tears. Your phone ringing shatters your scrambling thoughts. You don’t want to let your hope up but deep inside, you pray you’ll hear something from him in every single call or text anyone made to you.

 “Hey, you’re awake?”

“Hmm. Any good news?”

You hear nothing for two seconds before he answers. You know he carefully picks his words.

“I’m sorry but I have nothing for that. But Mom tells you to come today. Dad just bought a fresh tuna this morning, randomly. So, we’ll have sushi party”

“Joon, I-“

“This is a compulsory, no refusal is accepted. I’ll come at ten so get yourself a good bath and breakfast”

“Okay, thanks Joon”

“It’s nothing. See you”

You’re not moving from your previous position for another 5 minutes before getting ready. You look at your pictures with Yoongi, smiling widely to each other.

“I miss you”

 On the other side, Namjoon exhale a deep breath. He massages his temple. Honestly, it pains him to see you like this. You look soulless and pale, your smile never reaches your eyes. He keeps you on his watch because he’s worry, because no Yoongi is around for you. He sips on his morning coffee and open the message app. There’s one particular message that he keeps coming back to.

 N: Do you love her?

Y: I do. You know I love her more than anything, even my own life

N: Then stop torturing her

N: If you can’t make her happy, I will.

 *

 Namjoon smiles when he sees you. He hugs you when you arrive at his car. He’s the one who knows the whole story between Yoongi and you.

“Come on, the tuna is waiting” he says, making you smile.

 You and Namjoon are friends for the last 3 years. Joining the book club at the city library might be the best decision you made that year because you met Joon there. You were amazed at his choice on books and the thoughts after reading it. You always know he is the smartest man you’ve met. He surprises you more when he said he also makes music and writes his own lyrics. There’s no such thing as a perfect man in real life, it’s only happened in drama. But then Namjoon exists to prove you wrong.

 You spent more time with Joon outside the book club. He treated you so well like the gentleman he was. After knowing each other for a year, he often took you to his studio. Just when you thought you have a crush on him, you met Yoongi. Joon were working on collaboration projects with two talented artists, Hoseok and Yoongi. You saw it somewhere in the online community website that the infamous three rappers would do a collaboration series by spoiler from RM. It was definitely huge thing and everyone was waiting with high expectation. As you figured that Joon was RM, you notice that Hoseok was J-Hope and Yoongi was SUGA. After that, you often met them at Joon’s studio and got closer.

 “So, Mom and Dad are trying to be Japanese sushi chefs right now, with Jungkook as their assistant. Basically, they trust Jungkook and his youtube’s manual”

You laugh with him. You can imagine the situation of his parent’s house right now.

“He’ll be saying ‘you can trust me on this’ while watching how to slice tuna belly on youtube”

“That’s exactly what happened”

You feel thankful to Namjoon. He’s not giving you the pity looks that you’ve got from others. He’s the first person you ask when Yoongi went missing. But Yoongi is not in Joon’s studio or home. You also come to Hoseok’s place but he’s just as clueless as you.

 *

 “Welcome! Welcome!” shouts Jungkook when you step inside the house. You can’t help but laugh at him. Mr. & Mrs. Kim come out from the kitchen and strike a pose with Jungkook. They wear similar scarf on their head and black apron on their waist. You clap your hand excitedly and make them feel proud.

“Let’s move to the dining table before Jungkook eats them all. He keeps making excuses that the cutting line is not good enough before dump them to his mouth”

“Mom, I want to give Y/N noona the best sushi only”

“Do you believe that?” asks Joon to you.

“I highly doubt it”

Your answer makes Jungkook looks at you with his large doe eyes. Before he can protest, Mr. Kim rushes us to go and get ready to eat.

 Y/N noona is fine. Looks tired but still fine. Hope you’re here with us.

Message sent

  [D-30]

 You sit lazily on his sofa, seeing he works hard through his back. You can hear him humming to his new song. You smile to yourself, enjoying this Yoongi. When you come to his studio, he always let you to hang around. He will ask your opinion to the music he made, but it’s never love songs. You, once, asked him why he never let you hear any of his love songs. You remember he smiled.

‘Remember when I accidentally stand behind you when you write? What did you do then?’

‘I tell you to not look because it’s not finished yet and… I’m too shy to let you, the source of my idea watching me work’

‘That works the same with my love songs. I can’t present it to you unfinished’

He is working on his mixtape which will be released a month from now. He wants it to be perfect so he does it very carefully.

 “Babe”

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“Just order the food and eat here, okay? I’ll be finished soon” he says. But he has been saying the same thing for an hour and half now.

“Okay, but you’ll have to eat with me”

“I can’t, baby. I’ll eat later”

You stand and walk to him. He has no intention to get rest even for a minute. You know this is very important for him, but you don’t like to see him having lack of sleep. You know he’s been skipping meals on most days but he won’t tell you that.

“Stop skipping meals… at least when I am here, will you?” you say, almost whispering. You want him to do as you say but you don’t want to argue with him. Not when he needs much time to focus.

His fingers stop working. He sighs and turns his attention to me. He looks tired.

“I’ll try my best to eat and sleep between the breaks, okay?”

He tries to reassure you and you can only nod.

“I know Joon snitching to you, but he’s just exaggerating”

 Yoongi stands up and opens his arms for you. You settle yourself on his embrace. He’s the one who sets you in worry, but he’s also the one who can put you at ease. Yoongi is your person. You never feel this way with other people including your exes. He is special.

“Let’s just go home, then eat and cuddle. I can always overtime start tomorrow anyway”

You just give him your bright smile as approval and making him showing you his gummy smile. You always think you are perfect for each other.

  Sera waves her hand in front of you, pulling you back to the current time. The time with no Yoongi around you, the time that pains you much.

“Eat more, okay?”

“I will”

You take another spoon of rice and continue to eat. Your colleagues resume the conversation. You try to keep up with them and give responses.

“Will Namjoon pick you up again today?” ask Hyojoon.

“No, he’s busy. Why, you miss him already?” tease you to her. She blushes and it looks cute to you.

“It’s not like that” defends her.

You and Sera laugh, satisfied with her reaction.

“It’s fine. Namjoon is attractive man, it’s very normal to put your interest in him. I can promote him to you all day long if you want”

“Y/N~”

They know about Yoongi and they always try to help you in any way. Sometimes you can feel their pity but they try their best to hide it. You still feel grateful to have them.

“But honestly Y/N, have you and Namjoon, you know, crush on each other?” asks Sera.

“I think I admire him a lot since early of our friendship. But I don’t think we have that romantic feeling”

“Hmm you sure?” asks Hyojoon.

“Why are you asking? You really like Namjoon, huh?”

“I… I find him very attractive but I always feel he looks at you differently so…”

You only smile before responding to her.

“I have Yoongi, don’t you remember?”

  [D-15]

 Two weeks flies so fast for Yoongi, but feels so long for you. You barely meet him while living under the same roof. He is back when you sleep. Sometimes, you both greet each other in the morning, on the way to work for you and sleep for Yoongi. Other times, you don’t even talk. Yoongi often goes back to home looks annoyed. You can see his frustration and sour mood. He tells you to visit him less because he needs his full attention on his work. And now, he’s been sleeping on the studio for 3 days straight. You prepare his clothes and some snack so he can focus on working because you know how precious music for him. You want the best for him even though it may hurt you in the process.

 You are a meter away from his studio’s door when it’s suddenly opened. You see Suran going out.

“Oh, Y/N!” Suran greets you cheerily, then hugs you.

“How are you, onni?” you ask. It’s been long time to see her after Yoongi’s first mixtape. You envy her for being great singer and work together with your boyfriend.

“I’m busy, but not as busy as your man”

We both laugh as knowing how Yoongi is.

“Are you working for this mixtape too?”

She shakes his head, and then stands closer to me.

“Yoongi is working another song for me, it will be on my album. But this is top secret so…”

She pretends to zip her mouth and asks me to do the same. She, then, cups my face and look at me so dearly.

“You’re so cute. Now, I won’t take your time, go lovey dovey with the lover boy”

 You just laugh then wave at her. You punch the code of his studio’s door and come in.

“Do you leave something behind, noona?” ask Yoongi with bright tones. The tones that you haven’t heard for days.

You just stand there with a backpack of Yoongi’s clothes and other bag full of snacks. You try processing the studio’s appearance. You spot his jacket on the chair next to him, blanket on the sofa, cans of beer on the table with lipstick stain on some. To mistaken you for another woman mean you’re not the only girl who knows his password. The password he used to keep as secret.

 As I’m not answering his question, he looks back and finds me standing awkwardly.

“Oh, you came? I’m thinking of coming home early today”

You try to be calm and not to dwell on things that might be not happened.

“Baby, are you okay?”

You put both of your luggage down. The tears are pooling on your eyes, threatening to fall. You can see Yoongi walks to you and you unconsciously take one step back. He stops and be on alert.

“I…”

Your voice won’t come out. The tears speak for you instead. Yoongi takes another step closer. You hold out your hand, telling him to stop. You really don’t want to hurt him with your harsh words when you can’t even think.

“I didn’t do anything that would hurt you, please don’t doubt me”

You try to stop the tears and listen to him but you’re too hurt to do that.

“We have to talk, I’ll answer all of your questions but you won’t listen to anything now”

Yoongi knows you very well. You both know you’re holding each other rage hidden to save this relationship. Fire and water. Yoongi is used to cool the hot-headed me down at most times. He puts my fire away when it becomes bigger and brings danger. But this time, it seems different. You can forgive anything but not cheating. You mention this to Yoongi on your early days together.

 You look at him in the eyes, tears keep streaming down your face. You can see worry on his face but his jaw tense as if he’s angry. Is it your fault? Aren’t you allowed to be jealous?

“I’m going” you say walking back to the door.

“Y/N”

His voice stops your hand from turning the door’s handle. He sighs and speaks slowly.

“I’m not coming home tonight, or until you want to listen to my side of story”

You choose to leave him. You choose to not listen to him. The person who understands you the most, who loves you the most. You know you’ll regret it once you clear your head but your ego is too big to realize. You’re out of his studio without looking back.

You stare blankly at your window. The lights from the others buildings and houses feel so far today. You wonder, is Yoongi in one of them? Is he okay? Is he… happy? Single tear escapes your eye. You don’t want to give up on him, you don’t want to let him go. But if letting him away from you brings him happiness then you have no other options.

You sigh. Your phone buzz, a message from Jungkook comes.

Noona, hyung is coming back

(Heize Returns with “We Don’t Talk Together” Produced by SUGA and Featuring Giri Boy)

You open the news link as fast as you can. You read the whole article in seconds.

“You’re alive. You’re okay. Thanks God”

Your emotion is coming out at once. The relief, happiness, sadness, rage, and other unidentified emotions are becoming one. Your mental can’t bear all of them so you’re breaking down. You’re crying hard. It’s even harder than the day you fail university exam in your mother’s arms.

“Why don’t you say anything? At least read my messages. I’m worried to death, Yoongi”

You open the messages you sent to him. All of them are left unread, even until now. The world may not know what happened, but Yoongi has been missing from your world, from your life.

You keep crying until you tired and sleep on the sofa. You don’t know that the number 1 on your message has gone. Yoongi read all of your message while you are sleeping.

Namjoon’s thumb hovers over the call button. He wants to check Y/N’s condition after seeing the news. Heize is a big singer in the industry so it’s impossible to Y/N not knowing this. Part of him feels guilty for being greedy over her, but he just hate to see her being like this. He searches another name on his contact and dial the number.

“Let’s meet”

“Yeah, I have something to talk too”

“Where do you want to meet, Yoongi?”

Jungkook slams the door open. He looks at her brother with rage. How can his brother pretend to not knowing anything about Yoongi’s whereabout to Y/N when he knows everything. As he lives together with his brother for a year now, he becomes close to his friends. He knows his brother treats Y/N differently but he never think of another reason than Y/N is the only woman on their group. He’s sure his brother has another motive now. Is Namjoon crushing on Y/N? Is he the one who makes them separated? How can he stand seeing Y/N hurt like that? Jungkook keeps trying to contact Yoongi’s phone but it always fails.

“Explain to me, no excuses”

“Okay, but you need to calm down and sit”

Namjoon take a deep breath before explaining everything to his little brother. Jungkook respects him a lot as brother and musician, but he also see Yoongi as his mentor in music.

“Y/N and Yoongi got into big fight two weeks before D-2 was released. Yoongi stressed about the album, thought fight wasn’t really necessary. But Y/N thought Yoongi didn’t care about her and choose to shut her out from his life”

Jungkook listens intently, he doesn’t want to miss anything.

“It was just misunderstanding but it was critical for their relationship. Suran explained it to Y/N as she was the key of the fight but at that time Yoongi has gone missing.”

“But I work in the same industry, I know he’s there. I get his new number from the company. He comes to see Y/N from a far sometimes. But I don’t want to be involved further in their relationship”

“I loved Y/N, I did. I always tried to impress her, to make her laugh. But that was before she met Yoongi. The time I see twinkle in her eyes when she saw Yoongi, I knew the game is over”

“Is it really over, hyung?”

“I thought it would. I promised myself to be her bestfriend wherever she needs me. But when Yoongi gone and seeing her world broke apart, I couldn’t just sit and watch her”

Jungkook remembers the last song his brother release 6 months ago. The love song named Trivia: Love. The project collaboration with Hoseok and Yoongi. He still loves her. The feeling doesn’t stop in the past. It’s growing without his brother knowing.

I’m just human. You erode all my corners and make me into love.

Though the distance between I and U is long

F*** JKLMNOPQRST

I crossed all the letters and reached you

Look, mine and yours also sound the same

Though that doesn’t make me you,

I’d like to be a part of your book

I’d like to get involved in your novel

as your lover

“Why is my genius brother becoming an idiot?” ask Jungkook.

Namjoon just laughs. He thanks Jungkook in his head as he’s no longer mad. To be honest, Jungkook is his biggest supporter to keep doing music. If Jungkook turns his back to him, he thinks he can’t go far.

“I’ll talk to Yoongi. I’ll make sure he gives what Y/N deserve to get”

*

Yoongi sits in the meeting room with Heize, Giri Boy and marketing team members. They monitor the public response after the collaboration articles are out. One screen shows the comments on news portal and the other shows view numbers and live comments on the music video. The feedback is super positive and it brings relief to the team. Yoongi feels proud to himself. There’s one particular person he wants to share this feeling right now. Someone important in his life that is even more important than the life itself.

“The mixtape is getting the attention too, that’s great” says the head of marketing team. Yoongi offers them his shy smile.

“Exposure is indeed great, but I hope they like the music”

“I’m sure they will. This is Min SUGA PD we’re talking about” says Heize that supported by others.

“If this keeps going up, then we should really make another project” adds the manager.

“Okay. Let’s wrap it up now and schedule the team dinner on the next Friday”

The meeting is dismissed and Yoongi rushes to go to somewhere. He prepares himself for the worst but he won’t give up. He can’t give up. He will hold her hand until the end. He will run after her. He won’t do the same mistake. He arrives at the park not far from his old studio. Namjoon is there, waiting for him. Namjoon is his bestfriend but he is also Y/N’s. He will understand if Namjoon wants to beat him to death.

“Joon”

“Yoongs”

“I’m sorry I’m being a jerk this past month, but I… I can’t let her go. I can’t give her to you”

“I know”

[D-Day]

You keep monitoring Yoongi’s agency updates for his mixtape. Today, the countdown is supposed to be D-2. Two days before you can finally meet Yoongi and talk about everthing. You know your close friends are aware that something happened between you and Yoongi but you think it will be okay soon. You sleep less, hoping to see him coming through the door. You endlessly open and close your phone, waiting for his text or call.

You get new notification, informing the newest mixtape is out now. It’s quite a surprise but it means good news. You can meet Yoongi sooner than you expect. Out of happiness, you try to call him. This will be the first call after the fight, after two weeks.

“Please answer the call”

“The number you are calling-“

You keep trying to call him but you keep connected to his mailbox. You send some messages but no response. You try, and then you wait. You keep doing it, but you can’t reach him. You grab you purse and leave the home.

You stand in front of his studio. The bad memories come back at you. You push the pass code slowly, thinking Yoongi is inside. Thinking that you can finally meet him makes you nervous. The door is open and you rush yourself to go in. But no one’s there. No Yoongi, not even his equipment. He’s gone.

Yoongi arrives at the park not far from his old studio. Namjoon is there, waiting for him. Namjoon is his bestfriend but he is also Y/N’s. He will understand if Namjoon wants to beat him to death.

“Joon”

“Yoongs”

“I’m sorry I’m being a jerk this past month, but I… I can’t let her go. I can’t give her to you”

“I know”

“I really want to punch you when I see your text, but I don’t want to start a game that I know I’m going to lose. I should’ve gone to the gym with you and Hoseok back then”

Namjoon shakes his head and smile.

“The feeling is mutual. I stop myself from beating you up because I don’t want her to hate me more than she hates you”

They both laugh. They are brother after all.

“Thank you for being there for her. I’m ashamed to admit this but I don’t deserve her. I see how she’s not being herself and it pains me”

“She’s not giving up on you”

“I know and that’s why I want to come back with a better version of me. So I can tell people that I deserve her, I can give her happiness”

“You include me in that ‘people’ category?” Namjoon asks.

“Number 1 on the list” Yoongi answers with laugh.

Both of them sit in the silence. Too many things come across their minds. This will be the closure for Namjoon’s unrequited love, while new beginning for Yoongi.

“Just don’t do the same mistake, Yoongs. I’ll take her from you if this shit happens in the future and you, you’ll be the one who can’t see and hear anything from her”

“I swear I won’t repeat the same mistake so you can go and fall in love with someone else, not mine”

*

You open your eyes. The sun has risen so high to remind you another day has come. You thank God when realize that today is Saturday. You can avoid people from your workplace curiosity about your puffy eyes. You look at your phone screen. You really want to call him again but you’re afraid of the failure this time. You turn it on and open the lock. Almost every one you know sends you message but nothing from him. You have no energy to cry, so you just put it back and leave to the bathroom.

An hour later, you sit on your sofa again with you light lunch. You remember Namjoon always reminds you that whatever happens you have to stuff your mouth with food even when you don’t want to. You don’t aware that your phone continuously vibrates.

“Jungkook?”

“Noona, you’re home?”

“Yeah. Whats wrong? Are you… are you running?” you ask. Jungkook laugh and you hear his rush steps.

“Noona, meet me in front of your apartment. Hurry up! We don’t have much time”

“Hey, JK. If it’s one of your pranks I won’t fall for it”

“Noooo. I don’t do pranks again. Please believe me and come down”

You really have no energy to do anything yet Jungkook asking you to go out. You grab the black cardigan and layer it on your white t-shirt. It’s ends of June already but you always feel cold. Your wear glasses to hide your eyes. You bring your small bag and phone to meet Jungkook. If it’s nothing important, you swear you will give him a long speech. No more ‘I’ll forgive you because you’re cute’ again.

He brings you to the brunch café nearby. The café you used to visit with Yoongi. The last visit must be three months ago, when everything was still okay.

“Why we’re here?” you ask Jungkook who focuses on menu book. He doesn’t answer your question but calling the waiter. He orders 5 main dishes with 1 dessert.

“I want to try the dishes you recommend to me”

“All of them?”

“Yes, I can eat them all in one sitting. Besides, I have you here, so I have no worry on my plate”

“I’ve had my lunch” you say. Jungkook rises an eyebrow.

“Are you considering cereal with milk as your lunch? Oh please, noona. As the cereal mania, I’m offended”

You only laugh because you’ve got caught. You indeed just eat cereal for living these days.

Jungkook keeps babbling and you can only smile. You listen to his story and it does help to enlighten you. The food is coming one by one. When the last plate is placed, he cocks his head and look at you with his sparkling deer eyes. He asks me to eat with him and not to only watch him eating.

“Did you listen to the new song?” he asks. You stop for a while before looking at him.

“I slept early last night and woke up late”

“Would you listen to it?” he asks carefully.

You don’t answer his question and play with the food. You’re not sure if it’s the best choice to do.

“Would you give it a chance, noona?”

He begs to you with his eyes. He holds your hand, giving you strength to go on.

“I’ll be here. I’ll help you with anything”

Jungkook gives his phone and airpods to me. He encourages me to listen to it while he’s here with me. I take few deep breaths before click the play button.

I’m sorry, was I too harsh?

I’m way too fearless

I don’t know, I don’t know

Maybe I thought you’d comfort me

So I played hard to get

But when you’re not here

Everything crashes down

So with a blank face

I built a house

My footsteps are getting heavier

I can’t walk anymore

I can’t just let you go like this

But I can’t open my mouth

You listen to his melody. You listen to his lyrics. His song speaks to you. The key in relationship is communication but both you and Yoongi have failed. You two try to be considerate for the other person but it only pushes you away farther from each other. You look up at Jungkook, he gives you reassuring smile.

*

You’re back to the scariest place for you. His studio. Jungkook holds your shoulder from the back. You don’t realize that you are trembling. Your body remember the pain and it scares you.

“Everything will be okay” chants Jungkook repeatedly to make you believe him.

Your hand is still trembling and puts the code one by one. You remember what Suran tolds you.

‘We all know Yoongi is deeply in love with you so we kind of guessing his password. Then he officially tells everyone who is in the mixtape project including me for easy access. I’m sorry Y/N, I really am’

The door is open. Jungkook gives you another soft pat, supports you from behind. You take a step inside. You hear low sound of music. You can smell very familiar scent filling the room. All the equipment and decorations back to the room. You can see a figure sits on the chair looking at the monitor. You hold your breath. You’re scared that all of this is just your sweet dream.

“Y-Yoongi”

The man turns around. He smiles. Yoongi looks paler than the last time you saw him. His face looks thinner, dark circles appear more visible than before. He stands and walks to you.

“You came?”

“You’re here. You’re really here”

“I’m here. I will never leave again”

You really don’t want to cry. You’re tired for all the crying you did these months. He opens his arms widely, ready to embrace you again. He regrets to ever think leaving you will make you happier. He is in deep resentment to think he can live normally without you beside him.

“I’m sorry” says Yoongi softly. You hug him tight, you’re afraid he will disappear to thin air.

“No, I’m sorry”

Yoongi lifts my face to look at him.

“It takes me too long to be confident in being your boyfriend. I punish myself for being a fool to hurt you like that. But I just hurt you more”

“I shouldn’t doubt you that day. I can’t bear myself with the thought of losing you”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I should’ve told you everything. Do you forgive me?”

You nod and hug him again.

“We make mistake, but we learn from it. We will make a new beginning and be together forever”

*

Yoongi fills you in for the days he absents from your life. How he tried to focus on finishing the mixtape album, how he gave all the best that he can for Heize new song, how he barely lived without you. You don’t miss the chance to punch his arms or chest whenever you think he’s an idiot. He takes it all, he thinks he deserves more than just light punch from you.

“Honestly, I’m afraid that you won’t take me back. That you start to think Joon is better than me”

“Hey!” you slap his chest. He laughs.

“I trust you but I don’t trust Joon. He had crush on you before you meet me, you know. If we didn’t meet, maybe he is the best person for you to be with”

“It’s all in the past, right? I hope Joon meet someone who loves him sincerely”

Yoongi pulls you to him, pastes your back to his chest. He hugs you tight and doesn’t answer your question. He is actually very scared to lose Y/N to his bestfriend. He doesn’t want you to know that Namjoon is still crushing on you. He, once, thinks that Namjoon loves you as much as he does.

He kisses your temple every time you stop talking. You find it cute and crave him more. You turn your head to him and kiss him on the lips. He just smiles.

“I miss you”

“I miss you more”

“Not sure about that. I miss you more than you miss me”

You love this Yoongi. No, you just love Yoongi and being with Yoongi, whatever side or color of him he shows to you.

“Can I meet your parents tomorrow?”

“My parents? Why?”

You fully turn your body to him. You feel nervous and nausea waiting for him answer. You are the fire and he is the water. When you easily pop small tantrums, Yoongi is very calm and gives you another insight.

“I need to talk to them, it’s very important”

“Should I, I don’t know, prepare something or anything?”

“No. Your presence is enough”

*

You finally sleep in peace. No more nightmares or waking up in the middle of the nights. You sleep so comfortably with Yoongi beside you. Both of you made a promise last night, to communicate better so you can understand each other better too. You promise to yourself, to not give in to your negative thoughts. You leave Yoongi who sleep soundly to make breakfast.

You inform your parents about your arrival. Your mom and dad are home, waiting for you and Yoongi. You can see Yoongi is more nervous than usual. You think that he may still blame himself and feel guilty to your parents. As much as your parents love you and be very protective, they won’t interfere your love live. They fully give the freedom to you.

You sit with Yoongi in front of your father after settling the drinks for the four of you. Your mother only smiles, while your father gives his scary face. Yoongi sit politely with his two hands upon his knees.

“Have you thought about it?” asks your father.

“Yes, sir”

You look back and forth between Yoongi and your father. This is the secret, the one that you asked Yoongi before. There’s indeed something between the men that you don’t know. You steal a glance to your mom, asking for the hint. Seems like you’re the only person who clueless.

“Then?”

“Please give your daughter’s hands to me. I may make mistake and being stupid but I will make her happy as long as she stays with me”

Your eyes go wide. You open your mouth just to close it again. You have so many things to say yet you can’t say anything. Your father smiles, half smirking, to Yoongi.

H: I have additional class this morning. Wanna meet up after work? Y/N: Sure. But I’m craving the spicy udon near the station, is it okay? H: Sounds delicious Y/N: Wait for me there, I’ll be done in 1 hour H: Nah, I’ll come to you He is everyone’s friend, he is “The Sun”. He is being very nice to others so it’s not hard to fall for Hoseok. I’m his best-friend and that’s not an exception. Even worse, it’s the main reason why I’m falling hard for him. He doesn’t need to know, the world doesn’t need to know. Maybe one or two close friends have a very heavy doubt on our platonic relationship. I find Hoseok sits in the corner of my office’s reception area. Some people take double glance to him while he is doing nothing. Indeed, a glance won’t be enough to assure you that you are seeing a very attractive man. Hoseok has a special aura around him. He’s like the sun that shines so bright. He can make a gloomy day better with his smile. His caring nature leads all sunflowers look only at him. Tragically, I’m one of his sunflowers. “Sorry, something’s came up right after I turn off my computer” “It’s okay. Your reception’s sofa is very comfortable for waiting” says Hoseok with his signature smile. “Still, I’ll make it up for you later. Let’s go, I’m hungry” I say while trying to make pitiful face. He stands up and puts his hand on my back. He chuckles and whispers, “let’s go, I can’t let my favorite girl starving.” *

Hoseok's words leave a great impact on me. I try to not minding them before but they keep messing with my head. Am I hearing right? Did he mean it? Or it's one of his habit from teaching dance to little girls? "Where did you find this restaurant? This is delicious" "Instagram" “Oh really? I still find using that app confusing” I look at him in disbelief and shake my head. Hoseok rarely uses social media but once he posts something, it always receives good feedback. He has a lot of fans out there. “Do you want me to teach you? Think it as an apology of making you wait longer” “I don’t want it if you count it as the compensation of my time. I have another wish to grant, you know” He stares at me for a while. There’s something about this expression of him that I cannot read. The emotion on his face feels so strange even after knowing for a long time. This face shows often recently but I can decipher what’s the meaning behind it. “Okay, okay. I’ll teach you for free” He lets a small laugh and goes back to his udon. “Do the others contact you to hang out tonight?” I ask before taking a spoon of my meal. “Yeah. And I said I’m going if you’re going too” “Hm? Why?” “I’ll control my drinks when you’re around. You remember that one time that the others cannot keep up with me and end up calling you in the middle of night? I don’t want it to happen again” “Ah... that time…” Hoseok’s tolerance of drinks is quite high but he never drinks many. I remember he said that it’s either making him sleepy or angry. And that one time was the angry one. No one stops him from taking too many drinks and lets the scary Hoseok appear. Another Hoseok’s side that rarely be seen, even by myself. “I don’t want you to be the one who pick me up when I am wasted” I stop eating when hear him speak. No matter how close we are, I am not his girlfriend, I totally understand that. But why does it feel hurt? “I should be the one who do that, be someone who is reliable. I don’t want to show my bad side to you again” He sends a reassuring smile to me. “I don’t mind though” I tell him in tiny voice, half hoping he hears it and half hoping it disperses to the air. “I know” “So, should we join them tonight?” I look at him again and it only stands for a good three seconds before I look away. “If you want to” “But promise me to take me home” He laughs. He always drives me home when we hang out with friends or just the two of us. He doesn’t need to promise me anything to be honest. “Ah, you still like the triple chocolate cake, right? My students give me some this morning. Want to go to park to eat that like usual?” I smile widely at him and nod enthusiastically. He remembers small things I said without thinking. Just like how I remember the small details about him. This just reminds me why I fall in love with him again.

“I will never refuse free chocolate cake”

*

We spend few hours on the park, watching the Hangang river flows. Many people come for picnic today, some the others are just couples enjoying their dates. And here, me and Hoseok, just two friends sit together looking at the scenery. I eat the cake slowly, savoring the sweetness of the chocolate. Hoseok plays some music that fit the mood. To be honest, we did this million times to feel awkward. I think he takes me out almost on every Saturday. “Is it good?” “So good! Are you sure not want to try?” “Looking at you eating it deliciously makes me want to taste it” he answers with a smirk. I stun for a moment and realize that he is waiting. I try to look unaffected. I cut the cake and direct the spoon on his way. “Then, say ah” Hoseok moves to sit closer. It becomes unnecessary close for feeding him a spoon of cake. I glance to his lips that are inch away from the spoon. I gulp the non-existence lump on my throat before my eyes back to his. He gives me a very sharp stare that makes me holding my breath. He takes my hand and brings the spoon to his mouth. He lets his tongue out to clean the trace of the chocolate on the corner of his lips. “It’s too sweet” he whispers. “Oh yeah?” I whisper back, matching his voice. “Yeah. And it makes me craving to taste something else” His eyes drop to my lips. I never had such a big urge to kiss him like this before. I push his body and he fall flat to the grass. He lets out cheerful laugh. “Why? Do you think I would kiss you?” he asks in between his unstoppable laugh. “Ugh. No” I make a face to make it believable. “Oh? I’d love to do that though” “Who are you? What did you do to my Hobi?” He lets out louder laugh. He sits with both of hands on the back, holding his weight. “I’m your Hobi, baby” “No freaking way. He won’t joke around like that” “Isn’t this Hobi more fun?” You look at him in disbelief. “No, this Hobi is more annoying. Just back to my Hobi quickly” “Okay, okay. I’m back to your beloved Hobi again now”

*

Hoseok and I arrive at the bar and restaurant 30 minutes late. We originally want to arrive later but decide to go after continuous calls from Jimin. He can be super annoying and whiny if we don’t do what he wants. We sit next to each other in the end of the table and watch the others go crazy. “Hope, raise your glass for me” asks Jimin. “I’m not drinking today, Jimin, sorry” “Y/N, you don’t mind if he drinks a glass of beer, right?” I’m taken a back when Jimin asks me. Why Hoseok needs approval for drinks from me? Does Jimin know what Hoseok say to me this afternoon? “I don’t mind but I have no power to decide that” “Oh no, Y/N, you have so much power on him than you know” “Jimin are you drunk already?” asks Hoseok with straight face. “Maybe… a little?” he answers then laughs. He shifts his focus to Yoongi now. I pretend to take Jimin’s words as silly jokes in his drunken state. I don’t want to dwell on him or Hoseok’s words today. It’s just weird.

“I heard someone asking you out again?” asks Jungkook to Hoseok while whirling his glass. “Well…” “And you reject it again?” Hoseok only shrugs. I know that he has many fans, but I never really think of how many women asking him out. I realize just because I never have the courage to do that, it doesn’t mean the others are like me. “It will be mean for her if I accept her sincere feeling when I don’t feel anything at all. She deserves someone who likes her back” “That’s just your excuse, isn’t it?” “Aw, are you jealous that I am receiving all the attention in the dance academy?” Jungkook laughs. He shakes his head then look at me. “I don’t need that. I only want attention from the girl I like” He looks back to Hoseok with a smirk on his lips right after finishing his sentence. He puts his innocent smile and back to me again. “How about you, Y/N? Are you seeing someone?” “Change your target already?” ask me to Jungkook jokingly. He puts down his glass and put his chin on his right hand. “Date me” I look at him as if he grows another head. “Date me if you’re not seeing ANYONE” “What do you mean JK?” Hoseok’s tone becomes sharper and colder. I really don’t know what happen to Hoseok today, but he seems different. “You two always go together, other people may get the wrong idea and think that you two are couple” says Jungkook as if challenging Hoseok. “Jungkook” I warn him. He looks at me then smile. “Since I know the truth that you’re not couple and not even dating, I can ask you out, right? It’s not a problem, right, Hope hyung?” They throw daggers to each other by eyes. I’m screaming on my head. Why should I be in the middle of this? “It’s not something to be joke around” “I’m not joking. I like Y/N” “Don’t even think about it” “Hey…” I try to stop them. I put my hand to block both of Jungkook and Hoseok’s eyes. They start talking like I’m not sitting in front of them. “We’re not here to fight, okay? I’m not dating anyone. Period”

*

It doesn’t take too much time for Hoseok driving me home as the bar is not really far. I try to keep my curiosity as long as I can. I keep checking on his face, making sure that he’s no longer angry. He insists to accompany me to the front of my unit’s door like usual. Right before I push the password of my door, I turn to face Hoseok. “Did something happen between you and Jungkook?” “No, nothing happened” “Really?” “He just likes to get on my nerves. He’s happy to keep picking on my ego” “You two fight like kids” “I need to match my enemy’s mental age to win” he shrugs.

I decide to not asking why they’re dragging me into their meaningless quarrel but it seems Jungkook succeed to make Hoseok mad. It’s impossible to know the reason. No matter how close you are, Hoseok tends to keep small secrets from me, especially his love life. Sometimes I heard it from Jimin or Soojung but they made it like it’s not something to worry about. They always point out that Hoseok rejects all confession. I don’t think I can keep my expression hidden even if I try but luckily Soojung an Jimin never say a thing. I also know the fact that most of sweets he brings to me are gifts from his admirers. They don’t know that Hoseok doesn’t like those things at all. He’s the perfect opposite of my sweet tooth.

“Oh, don’t forget about Jiwoo’s baby shower next weekend. I have to bring you home to keep being Jung Hoseok” “You exaggerate it again” “Y/N, you have to hear them threatening me every time I don’t give the exact answer” “I still haven’t found suitable gift for Jiwoo’s baby, but I’ll come for sure” “Your presence is the gift” “I don’t buy that” “You really need to acknowledge my mom and Jiwoo’s obsession for you now. They love you more than me”

I laugh to his reaction. He pouts when comparing his family’s affection toward me and himself. His dimples are gone but I know he’s not really mad. Both me and Hoseok are family-oriented people. We love to spend the whole holiday on our parents’ house. We always make at least one day free to visit each other house just like tradition. Somewhere between those visits, I often delude myself and pretend that we are couples.

“I start to think you have to thank me every time I persuade them for your favor” I reply, then start inserting the password to my door. “Oh… so you are going to be like this, huh?” he asks when the door is open. I think he’s back to another Hoseok I meet this afternoon. I hear the different playful tone on his voice. I keep the door open for Hoseok, let the option to coming in or leaving on him. He closes the door and follows me to the kitchen area. “You’re going to team up with those women and leave me alone?” “Of course. They give me more food than you” I answer him with giggle. I open the refrigerator to take two bottles of water, one for me and the other for Hoseok. I close the refrigerator’s door and turning back. Before I can hand him the water, Hoseok puts his hands on the door. He cages me and makes me glued to the only the electronics behind me. “Is my time not enough?” “What?” “Don’t you know I spend most of my free time with you than anyone?” “And if I do?” Hoseok narrows the gap between our faces. I grit my teeth, put my poker face to him. I know he’s just teasing me. His eyes down to my lips the second times today. I can smell his cologne. The smell alone can make me not thinking straight. He moves an inch forward and whispers on my ear. “I’ll show you more” I’m still processing his words when he abruptly moves back and pats my head. He takes his bottled water and back to the door. “I’m going home” He waves and disappear into the night. “I hate you Jung Hoseok”

I take a day off today as Jiwoo request Hoseok’s and my presence one day before the actual event. She says she wants to have quality time with us before being busy with the guests tomorrow. She treats me like her own sister for the last two years. I still remember when Hoseok asks me to help him out. He wants to make surprise event for her sister’s wedding. He often brings me to meet his family to carry out the plan. And since then, I become the additional member of Jung family.

Hoseok calls nearing the assigned time. He will drive us all the way to Gwangju. “Are you ready? I’ll be on your door by 5” I look around to make sure my belongings and Jiwoo’s gift are all set. “Yes, I just need hands to bring it down” “I’m at your service, my lady” he says before hang up.

Not too long after, my apartment door is opened by Hoseok. He is one of three persons I trust the most to know my password. Until today, it always helps me when I meet urgent situation. Just like three months ago, when I can’t do anything and stay on the bed. I can’t ask my mom to travel from Busan to Seoul or ask Soojung, to cancel her presentation for an important client. “Are you sure you’re not moving into my parents’ house?” I punch his upper arm lightly. He laughs and raise both of his arms that are full of my things. “I can’t come empty-handed. I know you’ll say ‘your presence is enough’ like always. But I like doing this for your family, Hobi” Hoseok just smiles at me then shrugs his shoulders. “Then I guess you’re the perfect daughter for my mom and I’m the bad son”

I’m trying to not read things that’s not even exist in his words. But I can’t help but blushing, imagining to be the in-laws in Jung family. I wonder if he does this to other girls. I know better that he doesn’t have any intention to lead me on, but the others might not know. It may be the reason why so many people fall in love with him in the first place.

*

As expected, his family welcomes me with big warm hug. His mom cooks many dishes includes my favorite. She says it’s the special menu of the day. Hoseok helps me save the desserts that I bring to the fridge to keep it in shape. Jiwoo kidnaps me as soon as the small talks over to her room. Her husband and the others only chuckle and let us do our things.

“I miss you! We can’t meet often since you’re busy” “I know, I know. I’ll make it up today. We can talk about everything until we can’t keep our eyes open” Jiwoo looks more beautiful than she already is. It must be the happiness aura around her. I envy her to be so pretty, having lovely family and marriage. And soon, she will become a mom. “Is he still being dumb?” she asks. I can’t help but laugh. “He is your brother and you’re a mom-to-be so I banned you from bad words” She looks don’t care and rummages to a big box in the corner of her bedroom. She takes out some piece of clothing and brings it to the bed. “You two are just the same. Everyone can basically see the hearts shoot through your eyes when looking at each other” She gives me a blue long dress and mumbles ‘try this’ before I can reply her words. “It’s just you. I won’t deny my feeling after you force me to confess to you that time. But I’m sure he doesn’t feel the same” I say right after walk out from her en-suite bathroom. “No. He’s just being dumb because he doesn’t show it you. Mom tells him to be kind and maybe you’re afraid that he treats you just like others. But honey, I never see him giving that longing gaze to other women” She instructs me to pose a little then takes few pictures before asking me to try another dress in yellow. “Don’t be like that please. Stop planting those ideas to my mind” She takes more pictures before saying “then I will go to my little brother to open his eyes” with a smirk. It reminds me how Jung sister and brother resemblance to each other like twins. “You look really good in these one. Wear this when you go out with him, okay? All of these are the new items from my brand, and of course you’re the first one to have it.” “I think I love you more than Hoseok” “You should” We talk endlessly about her plan to have baby clothing line and about my busy work life until someone knock the door. Hoseok face comes in the view and asks us to join for lunch. Jiwoo walks first and Hoseok waits for me. “You should change your last name to Jung” “Maybe I should” He holds my wrist, stopping me from walking. He looks at me in the eyes, searching for answer. “You do want that? To be part of my family, the Jungs?” His questions silence me for seconds. “I almost mistaken your question as marriage proposal, Hobi” I leave him alone and go to his mother. Taking the usual seat across Jiwoo and acting like nothing happened. I can feel his burning stare on me when he comes. It quickly subsides as Jaebum, Jiwoo’s husband engages him in conversation. I sigh in relief. I actually regretting my answer but there’s no way I can take my words back.

I’m trying to help as many as I can when the guests arriving. I make sure everyone knows where to get their food and drinks. Hoseok’s mother drags me to a group of middle-age women on the table near the window. She links her arms to display our closeness. I can see one particular lady scanning me from head to toe. I introduce myself without mentioning the relationship I have with this family. I’m still trying to read the situation. “Is this Hoseok’s girlfriend? No wonder you keep bragging to us” says a lady in red. “She’s really pretty, right? I’m really happy to having her as my daughter soon.” “They will get married soon?” asks the lady in white blazer. “They have to. They are in the perfect age for marriage” answers another lady that sits across. “Hoseok’s used to be crushing on my daughter” says the lady who scans me earlier. I feel the hands on my arms tightening. “Oh, you must be Minah’s mother. I heard the full story of his childhood crush from Hoseok. It’s around 4th grade of elementary school, isn’t it?” I show her a smile. This particular smile I use when I’m working. The one that screams ‘business only’. “Elementary school? I thought it’s in high school!” says the red lady. “Me too. You talk it often like its a fresh news” adds the white lady. “Minah is very beautiful, I’m sure she has many fans since early days and Hoseok must be one of them.” I try to blow her wounds better after the other ladies teasing her. Her face becomes red a little. “Sure. And Minah is now happily married to a successful businessman” Hoseok’s mom smiles brightly knowing she wins. I think this battle has been around for a long time. I will thank Jiwoo later to fill me in last night. She warns me of some guests that particularly annoying. If it’s me, I will not invite them but this is Jung family. They’re too kind to do that. “So, when will this marriage happen?” “We decide to meet the wedding planner after Jiwoo’s delivering her baby, so we’re just enjoying our dating time now” I surprise myself for easily lying to everyone in the table. It sounds too good to be true. It feels like happiness is a breath away. I wish it’s not a lie while the reality says otherwise. I start to feel the nausea coming up. Hoseok’s mom put her left hand on top of my right. She smiles at me, making me feel better. “You two can take your time, no need to rush”

I excuse myself and go for a drink. I think I have enough for lying today until Jiwoo comes with a woman beside her. “Y/N, have you met Minah? She is the daughter of Yoo family. Minah, this is Y/N – Hoseok’s girlfriend” “Oh, you are the infamous Y/N? I’m glad to meet you here” “Me too. I only hear about your beauty.” She is the real beauty. Standing here with Minah and Jiwoo makes me small. “Where’s Hobi?” ask Jiwoo. “I haven’t seen him in the last 30 minutes. Maybe he goes to the reception” I say while keeping the act. “We should call him so we can start the highlight of the event” says his sister before calling him by phone. “Ah, there he is” tells Minah.

Hoseok comes and walks to our direction. Actually, I have been avoiding him for the last 24 hours and making Jiwoo as my shield. I try to not be alone with him and pretend to be busy for the baby shower. After lying about our relationship, I don’t know how to face him. He stands naturally beside me and circles his arm to my waist. I look at him, trying to mask the shock. Does he know we have to act as a couple? Is this one of the agenda? “Is everything okay, babe?” he asks while his thumb draws circle on my waist. Hoseok drives me crazy. He encourages me to answer. “Yes, I’m just thirsty after greetings the guests with your mom” “You shouldn’t let her alone” nags Jiwoo. “Mom steals her from me, so I can’t do anything” says Hoseok. He tightens his grip. “I guess Y/N is everyone’s favorite in the Jung family” says Minah with a smile on her face. Hoseok’s smile widens. He brings me closer to his body if it’s even possible. His eyes never leave me as I set my eyes back to him. “She is. They never let me alone with her everytime we come. I even lost her to Jiwoo yesterday. But I’ll be the true winner when we back to Seoul, she’ll be with me all the time. Right, baby?” He kisses my temple, like it’s the most common thing between us.

*

We all back to Hoseok’s parents’ home after the party over. Turns out Jiwoo will have a baby boy. The first grandchild will be a boy, so Hoseok’s parents are excited. Even Jaebum has to wipe his tears a few times.

“I think we should get rest until dinner time. I’m ordering the spicy beef ribs and soup already, so no one cooks tonight” Hoseok’s dad announces loudly to make sure his wife gets the rest she needs. Everyone says thanks and back to their rooms. I can’t go back to Jiwoo’s room like last night as the couple is already going in there. I also can’t go over Hoseok’s room either. I stand awkwardly in the living room before dropping my body to the fluffy sofa. Never thought the two hours gathering will exhaust me to this extent. I barely stay awake until Hoseok sits next to me. “Hey, are you tired?” I nod weakly, can’t properly answer him. “Change your clothes and wash your face, then sleep in my room. I’ll take the sofa” I pout while registering his words. Then he stands and gives out his hands to help me. He shows his lazy smile. “Come on Y/N. Before we both fall asleep here”

*

I spend a really good time that time flies faster than expected. After the dinner, everyone gathers in front of TV and talks. The fatigue is still hanging on our shoulder that makes everyone calls a night sooner. They leave me and Hoseok alone. I’m not sure what to say but the silence making me nervous. “I’ll take the sofa” “What?” “I’ll sleep here Hobi, you can go to your room” I feel bad as I dominate his bed for the afternoon nap. To be honest, I have the best nap ever on his bed. I usually get sleepy while sitting on the sofa then it’s gone when I arrive on my bed. But Hobi’s smell in his room really soothes me to have a good rest. His smell is so good. I have to hold myself to not bury my nose to his neck every time we sit or stand too close. “What are you talking about? We’re going to sleep in my room, together. Let’s go” He takes my wrist and drags me to his room. He doesn’t use his strength but I cannot refuse, no I don’t want to refuse this. “Wait Hobi-“ “Tadaaa! I move the mattress here when you busy with my family” I feel my face heated. I’m embarrassed by my silly thought. Hoseok lets go my wrist and moves his hand to my back. “I’ll sleep on the floor and you’ll be on my bed. Or if you prefer to have me on the bed with you, I’m not against it” “No, thank you” “Why? I know you can’t stand the cold, baby” “Stop pulling pranks on me Hobi. And try to behave on your parents’ house” “Oh” he gasps loudly. “Does it mean I’m free to do anything with you right after we’re out from this house? Don’t know you this impatient, Y/N” I choose to ignore him and walk away. I still can feel his warm on my back but I shouldn’t focus on that. “Good night Hobi” “Good night Y/N” Silence envelops the room but I cannot sleep for a while. My hearts thumps too loud to be ignored. “Y/N” I hear Hoseok whispering my name. Is he talking in sleep? “I just want you to know that I really care about you. I do everything to show you my heart, to show you my love for you. I always think that is enough. I’m being your best friend is enough. But you slap me with the reality yesterday” He laughs quietly. “I will properly court you and show everyone that you’re mine” My eyes widen hearing his confession. I can hear my heart beats on my ears, it’s so loud that Hoseok might hear it too. I hold my breath. Am I dreaming already? “I don’t need your answer tonight and you can pretend to sleep again” I’m just like deer caught in the headlights. Hoseok tortures me and he enjoys that. I... hate him.

Jiwon and Jaebum head back to Seoul in the morning. They want to visit Jaebum’s parents first to bring the news before back to their own home. We decide to back after lunch as per request from Hoseok’s mom. She says she will pack all of kimchi and side dish so we have enough nutrition to go through this winter. Later we know, she packs the dish in one container each which means we have to divide it ourselves, or maybe store it in either Hoseok’s place or mine and eat together. “Oh, it’s snowing” says Hoseok right after I put my seatbelt. “First snow” I whisper. I don’t have guts to look at Hoseok. People say if you are out in the first snowfall of the season with someone you like, true love will blossom between you. “I’m so lucky” Hoseok’s words make you look at him. Does it mean he likes you too? Or he’s cursing to have a long drive in the rain snow? He smiles and makes your heart beats faster.

Snow falls heavier in Seoul. It will be dangerous to be out on the road longer. Hoseok takes the nearer exit and heads to his place. “I will take you home as soon as the snow stops and the roads are safer than this. I won’t put you in danger” I have no room for protest and sit quietly. Something is shifting between us after last night but we don’t talk about it. “I… I can take the subway. I’ll come to your place later for the food” “Why? Are you scared being alone with me?” “… No” “No? Hmm… You should though” “Hobi” “I’m kidding baby. The last thing I want is you to be scared of me” I muster my courage and ask him the one thing that bothers me the most. “All the things you’ve said last night… is it true?” “Yes”

I just sit in the silence and cannot see him in the eyes. Hoseok’s apartment comes to our view. Somehow, I feel nervous to come inside the building. I don’t know what to do. Part of me is curious what will happen when we arrive at his place. After all this time, I’m not riding this wave of emotion alone. It feels like dream comes true. But the other part is slightly scared. What if we ruin what we have now? Everything crosses my mind at the same time until Hoseok puts his hand on mine. “We’re here” He pulls me out from my bubble. I gasp at his information and he chuckles, seeming delight to see my reaction. “This is not the first time you’re here. We did sleep over numerous times over the years” “It’s… It’s different, Hobi” “Is it?” I can see the glints of fire in his eye. I’m sure it can melt the snow that starts to pile up around us. He picks up my hands and places a soft kiss on top of it. “It doesn’t have to be different unless you want to” My cheeks redden due to his action. World knows I want it to be different. I might have desired his warmth for a long time already. But to face this Hobi, the dominant and teasing man yet still being soft and caring like usual, is troubling me. “Just come in for now” I nod and follow Hoseok. He brings most of the luggage and lets me lead him to his own apartment. There are people waiting for the lift, I sigh quietly. I think I need others’ presence to overpower the heat between me and Hoseok. But the relief I feel doesn’t stay long until I realize the more people inside the small lift, the less space I have. The neighbours get inside first and leave the narrow space on the back for the two of us. He signals me to get inside before making the others wait too long. I stand on the right corner with Hoseok besides me. Right before the doors closing, a woman screams. She desperately asks to hold the door for her. Everyone instinctively moves a step back and make a room for the woman without thinking there are two other people behind them. "Thank you, thank you" I hold my breathe when Hoseok’s body collides with mine. I’m stuck between his hot body and the lift’s wall. I try to calm myself down. I hug him many times. He often to circle his arm on my shoulder. Why this kind of thing makes me nervous now? I grasp the sides of his coat, making him look at me from his shoulder. He gives me assurance smile and turns his body to face me. He keeps our luggage on balance then lowers his face to my level. “They’ll be gone in a minute” he whispers and kisses my head before standing straight again.

We’re the last one to get off. Hoseok walks a step faster than me, not in hurry but he looks very excited. And I feel more and more shy in every step I take. ‘It doesn’t have to be different unless you want to’ His words ring inside my head. Those words bring heat that burns me. I stop for a second and make a firm decision. He is the SUN. He is naturally spread his warmth. But we both know tonight will be different. If he only allows us to feel the warmth from a far till now, I will make sure to taste the fire. His fire. Hoseok puts both of our bags on the sofa and the kimchi container on dining table. I close the front door and follow him. He takes the rest of food containers from my hand and put them away. “What do you want to do now? Snacks or rest?” “You need rest more than I do, Hobi. You just drive for hours. Just sit there, relax, I’ll get you ice coffee” “You know what?” He steps closer to me then puts both his hands on my waist. “The idea of having you here in my home, spending time together and knowing everything about me without me asking is perfection. It’s been so long to hold myself saying it out loud” I put my hand on his chest. His smile widens before closing the gap even more. “Do you have any idea how many times I want to tell every woman who hits on you to get the fuck off of my man?” “I’m all yours. I’ll tell the world that I’m yours. And you… you’re mine” He kisses me slowly and gets me fall into his rhythm. His left hand goes up to my nape while the other tightens on my waist. I pull his neck, keeping him close despite the lack of air. He tugs my lower lips and pulls away. “I can’t stop myself if you’re being like this” “Why do you have to stop when we’re not even start” Hoseok growls and I can feel the vibration. “Oh, baby, I can guarantee I won’t stop, not even for your begging” We really try each other patience, pull the trigger and knowing that no other way of return after this. Hoseok is ready to dive into my lips when his phone rings shatter the sexual tension that fulfil the room. He lets out a loud groan and pick his phone from the dining table. “I don’t know what’s wrong with my family, but they surely like to steal you away from me” He shows me his phone’s screen and it’s written ‘Mom’. It’s a video call so we have to act like nothing happened. I let a laugh while he’s pouting. It’s like someone pour a cold water to our fire. I caress his face to make the pout away. I don’t want him to greet his mom with unfriendly expression. “We still have much time later, don’t be a bad boy” “So, wanting to spend time alone with my girlfriend is being a bad boy, now?” I’m surprised. Girlfriend, he said. “Yes, you’re being bad boy” “Then what, are you gonna punish me?” “We’ll see, Hobi, we’ll see” I peck his lips and push the answer sign.

*

**

“Are you coming?” Seokyung & Dani are on the way to the café. Some of friends will meet today, for the sake of reunion, and for early celebration of Seonho’s wedding. These girls have been my up and down when trying my best to keep my secret crush hidden. I’ve said to them many times that the silly crush is gone now, but I can’t lie that something does feel strange. And now they unnecessary worry about me.

“Of course. Call me again when you arrive, I’m at the nearby park.”

“Going out with your camera again?”

“Yes. I don’t want to waste a good day like this”

“Okay. Don’t stay under the sun too long”

I walk around the park, following the line of trees. It’s getting warmer as welcoming spring season but sometime the wind is still too cold for me. I take some pictures when find something that catch my eyes. It’s always entertaining to watch people’s interaction. I often sit alone and enjoy the breeze. It helps me clearing my mind when days feel too rough. Sometimes, I get bonus to see beautiful faces for my camera to catch. Just like that one particular man who just walks out from the café. He must be model or actor to have that gorgeous face and perfect proportion.

 I take few pictures of him. I know they will turn out good even though I don’t take its properly. It’s surely not because I’m a good photographer but the object. It makes me smile. It will be nice to get this kind of pictures every time I shoot.

*Dani calling*

It’s time to be back to reality.

 I make a promise earlier that whatever happened today it won’t break me down, not again. I might like him in the past but it’s all in the past. He will forever see me as a friend and I know that from the very start. I know it well. But it’s just I get a closure that I needed today when I get his wedding invitation. I can hold it well in front of him and my friends. But somehow, a tear escapes from my eye.

I look at the film camera I bring today. I want to make memories with them, with Seonho too, using his camera so I cannot have second thought after the photo taken and delete it. This should be one of ways for me to toughen myself and be true to my own words. I’ve done liking Seonho and only see him as a friend.

I still have 5 frames to go. I take a deep breath and snap a shot of the upper part of the building together with the clear sky. Long sigh comes out, I really don’t want to cry but it keeps falling.

“Are you okay?” asks a man from a bench away. It startles me and surprisingly stops me from crying.

“I know it’s not my business but I think you need this” says the man who is standing a step away. I look at him while wiping the tear stain.

“I’m fine”

“I just purchase it from the vending machine if you don’t believe me. I don’t have any bad intention. I just feel bad to see you sad and this sweet drink should make you a little bit better”

He is very good looking. No, extremely handsome. He surely has his way with words but I still keep my guard up. These days, many criminals disguise as kind looking or educated person.

“You can take a picture of me as proof later on, if I really do something bad to you”

He, once again, push the cold drink to me and back to his bench again. He opens his bottle and drink it like a commercial. I can’t help a small smile when see him do that. He is surely a weird guy.

“I’m ready to pose if you really want to take a picture though”

“Okay, just in case”

I bring my film camera to my eyes and capture a very clear shape of his face.

“One more with your phone. You can send it to your friend ‘just in case’ I steal your phone later” he says while striking another pose. I shake my head. I do not expect laughing at the very moment.

I fulfill his request to take his picture with my phone camera and show him the result. I really hope he is not a bad guy because it will be a shame for his beautiful face and such a wit.

“Thank you” I say to him before drinking. My heart feels a little bit lighter than earlier.

“Will you post you pictures online? Hmm maybe on instagram?”

“I don’t know”

“I give a permission to post my pictures on your page then, no need to thank me”

I laugh for the second time. This time he laughs with me. Why someone bother to stop, spend his time for a poor looking stranger and make her laugh? I mean, we are strangers, we don’t know each other, less care for each other.

He, now, moves to my bench and sit on the other edge.

“I’m Seokjin, you can call me Jin. You can to not tell me your name now, but do me a favor”

“What is it?”

“When I find you, I mean my picture on your SNS, you cannot decline my offer for coffee or dinner if you don’t drink coffee”

“Okay”

“Be prepare for our second date” he says before leaving me all smiley on the park.

When he’s far enough from my sight, I just realize. He’s the man I saw this afternoon. The living sculpture that makes my pictures look better. I shake my head in disbelief. I’m expecting our next meeting to come.

10/10

This is the last picture of my happiness project. A pleasant encounter. Thank you.

 seonho__kim Oh? Who’s this? You hide your new boyfriend from me?

kyungie_SK YOU MEET HANDSOME MAN IN SECRET!? WHATTA BESTFRIEND!!

DDDani is he… Jin sunbae? You two ...?

KSJin92 I cant tell which one is better, the photographer or the model, should we discuss it over a coffee? Or dinner? Your call.

 The minute after I post Seokjin picture, everyone’s being wild. My bestfriends are being so loud on our private group chat. Sending all text in capital letters, sending all threating meme stocks they have on their phone. They demand me to explain in details how, when, why regarding Seokjin. I have to ignore those texts as I have to back to work. I know once I start replying them, they will never let me to stop until they satisfied. I receive DM notification from the source of this phenomenon right before I out it back to my pocket.

Jin: I know I offer coffee or dinner, but I wait for a long time just for coffee.. I know this Japanese restaurant that has superb menu and deserves all those Michelin star, so… will you be free on tomorrow?

Me: That sounds very promising and I have no reason to refuse, don’t I?

Jin: Great. 010 XXX XXXX This is my number, text me your office address and I’ll pick you up. See you soon ;)

 Right after works, Seokyung and Dani ask me to meet them in chicken restaurant near our highschool. It’s our favorite restaurant to go whenever we want to fulfill our stomach while gossiping.

“I don’t believe how small this world is. How can you and Jin sunbae meet? He is ‘the sunbae’ I told you guys before” Dani seems excited and amazed at the same time. Dani works at the finance consulting company for 2 years now and Seokjin is his senior in different department.

“The famous sunbae?” ask Seokyung. Dani nods quickly. Me and Seokyung remember how Dani describe this man to us the first week she got the job. The idol of her company, who has many admirers from intern to senior staffs.

“I met him at the park last time, we talked a little and he asked me to take his picture”

“But how? And why?”

That’s exactly my questions too. Compared to him, I’m just an average looking woman, and a stranger. He must have work with many beautiful women in daily. I shrug my shoulder to answer them.

“It just happened”

“Is he a weirdo? I know he is handsome, but it doesn’t mean he is a good guy” Seokyung states her opinion with doubtful face.

“He. Is. The. Perfect. Guy” Dani says.

“He is very kind to others, well-mannered and smart. He is professional at work, no matter how friendly he is, he will be strict to those who make mistakes. During our company’s dinner, he can make everyone’s laugh with his dad jokes. I don’t think you can fake that one, no?”

“So… it will be fine if I meet him again, right?” ask me to both of my bestfriends.

“Totally fine”

“I think so”

They answer at the same time. They look at each other and laugh.

“That’s the fastest answer I ever heard from you too”

“I wish you to have boyfriend for what.. 2 years? It’s the perfect time to start again, you know” said Dani with a smile.

I’ve tried to have romantic relationship with other men before this but it never stays long. I was happy with them, everything goes smoothly. However, at some points, we both know that I cannot love them like they love me.

“Do you think it will work out this time, with Seokjin?”

“We won’t know for sure, but we wish you to be happy”

I also wish myself to be happy, happier.

Spending time with Jin is always entertaining. He knows his choice of words will lighten up the mood between us whenever we’re going out. He never seems out of topic or makes me losing interest. When I talk, he will attentively listen. Most of times he introduces me to all of his favorite restaurants in the city. Sometimes, he will accompany me taking pictures for my new projects. We just feel very comfortable to have each other around.

“Have you tried the new ice cream parlor near your home?”

“I haven’t tried it yet but I heard it’s good. They also have opening promos this week, if I’m not mistaken”

“Then should we go there before I drop you?”

“Hmm… are you making me join your morning jogging tomorrow?”

“You can read my mind so well. I need to make an excuse so I can meet you tomorrow morning”

I hold my smile and turn my face to the window.

“Who’s taking a woman eating ice cream nearly 9 pm”

Seokjin laughs a loud. He puts the ice cream parlor’s address to his car’s GPS despite of my comment because he knows I won’t survive the temptation.

“I will let you eat the mint-choco flavor this time. How about that?”

I pretend to think for a while. We both know Jin will get what he wants, but I just want to make it looks like not too easy. I don’t want to look I like him more than I should. Considering he let me to buy mint-choco flavor after countless dates for ice cream, he must really want us to go there. He always stops me when I want to pick that particular flavor and suggest me all of other flavors before.

“Bonus. How about dinner at my place next week? I’ll show you how good I am in kitchen”

I know he doesn’t have hidden meaning in his words but I can’t help to blush. He shouldn’t know how many times I imagining to hug him. He has wide shoulder and tiny waist, deep soothing smell and a good amounts sweet talks. We always an inch away to kiss. It makes me somewhat impatient and wondering how it feels like.

“O..okay”

“Cute”

 We don’t label our relationship but we are no longer stopping ourselves to touch each other with affection months ago. This time feels different from the other relationships I have before. I trust Jin from the beginning and I think I fall in love with him sooner than I expected. He, himself, is very different from men I met before but I never thought we will match very well. To be honest, I thought he’ll only play around with me. But he always proves me wrong with his actions.

Dinner at his place become a routine. He doesn’t cook every time I come over, but never let me disappointed by his chosen take-out menu. Sometimes he just wants us to watch movies with snacks. The first three dinners, he will drive me home even it’s late. But after that, he will pretend too sleepy and persuade me to sleep over. It’s not I don’t like it, but he just tortures me more than before. These days, he will just hug me once I step inside his place and won’t even let me go for more than 5 minutes. It feels like we put ourselves in internal battle, to see who stands longer in this sexual tension.

 “You’re not going home tonight” he said.

“I know” I answer without looking at him.

I give up to try right after the first night I fail to force him getting up while pretend to be sleepy. I remember how cheerful he sounds when I agree to sleep over. He even let me wear his favorite green pajamas.

He pulls me closer to him till my back fully leans to his chest.

“Should I tell you my plan tonight or you already know too?”

“Hmm? What plan?”

“I call it ‘Making You Mine’ plan?”

“Making me yours?” I ask. I turn my face to see him and find him already looking at me.

We just stare to each other’s eyes for some good seconds until his eyes start to travel down. He stops at my lips and wetting his own lips. I can’t help to notice how his tongue move slowly.

“Yes. I’ll make you mine tonight” he whispers while looking back at my eyes.

My mind blanks. I can’t think other things than his lips, his body, just himself in front of me. His face comes closer and I close my eyes when I feel his soft thick lips on mine. I hold onto his arm that circles my waist.

“I forget to tell you. You’re not going to sleep either”

The perks of having best photographer in the world as your girlfriend ;)

By @.Y/N

 Y/N OMG. WHY DO YOU POST THIS?!

KSJin92 @.Y/N you’re the only one who can capture my beauty, honey, I have to show it to the world

Y/N @.KSJin92 tell me why I agree being your gf again

KSJin92 @.Y/N oh you know why… should I list all of them here? ;)

DDDani @.kyungie_SK this is why she was busy for the weekend ;)

kyungie_SK @.DDDani totally understand lol

“Ah, I think it’s slipping down” he says then ‘corrects’ his hand to my upper back after analyzing the stares. I don’t really feel like to say something and let him be. My friends are giggling, thinking that Taehyung and I are secretly dating behind their back for some time now. And this, too, never been denied by me or him.

“Something’s funny?” asks Taehyung to me. He looks curious with others’ reaction. I, sometimes, wonder if his innocence is just his façade.

“They think we are funny, Taehyung” I answer him softly. He follows my eyes to them that now walking in front of us.

“Why? We don’t joke around though” he says. I shrug my shoulders and it makes him do the same.

I don’t really remember when these affection actions from Taehyung become intense. But I remember that he likes to hug me everytime we meet. He never let me go far from his side or alone when we meet other friends or in the crowd. He will be standing next to me, or holding my hands, or even caging me with his tall posture and bear hug. Those things are the basic things he does.

When we’re alone in his place or mine, he likes to cuddle. I don’t mind because he’s warm. But, rarely, he will surprise me with light kisses on my head, cheek or hands followed by his chuckling. So I never think deeply on this.

Saemi and Hyunwoo sit with me during the lunch break. Taehyung says he will be late because he needs to finish the report for his boss this afternoon. I get him his lunch so that he can start digging in when he arrives. I take a bite slowly, don’t want to finish before Taehyung comes.

“Do you guys have a plan tonight?” ask Hyunwoo to me, referring to Taehyung too. I shake my head while take a spoon of food.

“Then join us. Hyunwoo’s sister will do soft opening of her restaurant. Taehyung is going to like it” Saemi says. I think it will be a good idea if Taehyung can off from work early. He has been working late these days and it worries me a lot.

“What’s with this silence?” a voice behind me makes me jump a little. He gives me apologetic smile and rubs my nape with his thumb. He sits beside me closely, making no gap between our bodies. He takes the fork with his left hand, not giving up his right hand on my neck. I can feel Saemi’s stare on our proximity but she doesn’t say anything.

“They ask us to come to Hyunwoo’s sister event tonight. Do you think you can go?” I ask him while looking him in the eye. He catches my worry in my voice. He moves his hand from my neck to my cheek which is unexpected to do in front of other people. Blush creeps out to color my cheeks. I curse myself in my head, thinking that I’m better to not aware just like before.

“We can go if you want. I can off from work early today, the report is all done” he explains. I just nod to his words until Hyunwoo clears his throat to catch both of our attention who still look at each other.

“Can we go with your car? I left mine at her place” Taehyung asks with a glance in my direction. I pretend to not see the mischievous smile on both of Saemi’s and Hyunwoo’s face and keep eating.

“Sure. Meet us at the lobby by six then”

  *

Hyunwoo’s sister is very kind. She gives out the premium meat for us to eat but takes no payment at all. She says it’s her plan to make us come back to her restaurant again which quickly agreed by us. Some of Hyunwoo’s friends join our table, they are cheering and warming the restaurant’s atmosphere. One man named Seungyoun sits on the other side of table but keeps engaging me in his conversation. He is surprisingly fun for a stranger that I just met. He knows how to cooks the meat well, cares for his other friends but scolds them when they start to be more playful, and for bonus, he has a beautiful smile.

“Here for you” he gives me the meat that he cooks. I murmur thanks and take the small plate from him. Taehyung lets out not a growl and makes me stop for a second. Later I realize the others stop to turn their attention to him as well.

“A.. Are you okay?” I ask with a slight fear of his cold expression. He doesn’t look at me but someone behind me. I place my hand onto his right knee, telling him to calm down. He is always being like this when he finds something he doesn’t like.

“I’m not okay to see you accept anything from that guy. I’m cooking for you and you are not eating that” he says just for me to hear. He looks at me then at the plate of meat from Seungyoun. I nod and surrender to him. His hand snakes to my waist protectively. I convince myself that he is doing this out of his habit, to show affection, to protect me. It’s just like any best friend would do when a threatening stranger appears. But I don’t think Seungyoun has bad intention or something shady. He’s just being nice to me.

“She’s fine. Just give this to your friend, he looks too hungry to give up some meat to Y/N”

Taehyung gives the plate to Jaewook and give new plate for me. I know he takes too far of Seungyoun’s kind gesture, but I prefer to let him have what he wants anyway. He tends to be soft and gentle, I never want him to be mad at me. He clearly tells everyone on the table of what’s his. I’m his… his bestfriend.

“Sorry, I don’t know she is your girlfriend, Taehyung” Seungyoun apologizes to the man beside me, I blink my eyes rapidly.

“Now you know” Taehyung answers with nod.

I look at him with disbelief. He gives me a cute frown that he usually use when I’m about to angry with him. I don’t understand his motive behind his lie but I prefer to keep silent.

  I hug Saemi and wave to Hyunwoo after dropping me and Taehyung at the lobby of my apartment. Before in the car, they finally ask us the question, whether Taehyung spent the night at my place. I think he sense my bad mood and answer it for me.

“I like to have breakfast with her” he says. If I’m not deep in silence I’m sure Saemi will give him a smart comeback of her suspicion already. After Taehyung announces about the girlfriend thing, he just puts us on doubt of being merely best friends.

 I expect him to go directly to his car after receiving cold shoulder from me but he still stands beside me.

“Are you mad with me?”

“Are you seriously asking?” I ask back without any emotion. I shake my head and walk inside the building. I don’t like the fact he’s lying. Or maybe, I’m just frustrated about our blurred status.

He follows me getting into the lift and presses my floor button. He lowers his eyes to the ground, gripping both hands in front of his body like scolded kid. I don’t intend to answer his obvious question when he already knows the answer for sure. The door open and I get out as soon as possible. Taehyung is trailing behind me like obedient puppy. Right before I push my door’s password code he hugs me tightly.

“Don’t be mad at me, please. You can yell or hit me but don’t ignore me”

He doesn’t intend to peel his arms off. I know he will be like this until I say yes to his request. Maybe I shouldn’t give up easily to him when something like this happen, but I think it’s too late now. This will always be his way of solving problems.

“I’m not mad. Just go home, Taehyung”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking in my right mind tonight”

I want to say, ‘have you ever’ to him but notice it would be very harsh. I love Taehyung as my best friend. Sometimes, I accept that I think it is more than friendship love. But it’s Taehyung. He is even too dense to know his affection is too much.

“Do you know what are you sorry for?” I ask him in whisper. He breathes in my scent and puts his head down on my shoulder. I hold the urge of shuddering as his nose pokes my neck.

“I think… I know” he sighs.

“And what’s that?”

“I call you my girlfriend to keep other men away from you”

He knows. Maybe he is not too innocent like I thought he is. He is a grown-up man after all. What if all of his intimate touches are never innocent mistakes after all? I push my password code and free myself from Taehyung. I need time to think. If he intends to do so, what will be his reason?

“Y/N”

I drop my bag and coat on the floor and go straight to kitchen. I take a bottle of cold water to get rid the sudden thirst on my throat. My head is full of all possibility of Taehyung’s behavior.

“Why?” I ask softly after I take a big gulp of water. Half anticipating his answer, half worrying what would come out from his mouth.

“I just don’t want to lose you” he says. I refuse to look at him because I know I will agree to whatever his excuse and lost the chance to know the truth.

“You don’t lose me to anyone, Taehyung”

He comes to stand beside me with him facing to my body. I keep my eyes away from him. He’s too dangerous for me now. Because deep down inside I like what he’s doing. I like it when he acts like he owns me, like my lover. But if this keeps going, I will lose myself in friend-zone forever until he’s bored to play with me, with my heart.

Taehyung lifts my face to get me look him in the eye. His eyes look darker than usual. He’s mad, but this expression he has on his face now looks so scary. I know for sure he is just holding himself all this time. He is never really angry at me but I think he is now.

“Do you know how many men ask me for your number? How many of them ogling you in front of my face? How many of them I want to kill with my own hands?”

I whimper hearing his confession. I should’ve push him and tell him to get out. He sounds so scary but I find liking myself being controlled by Taehyung. I can’t move, no, I don’t want to move.

“I don’t like others imagining to have what’s mine. You are mine”

I gulp the non-existence lump in my throat when realize his lips are a breath away from mine. His lips stretch into a big smile, noticing I’m distracted. I quickly look back into his eyes. They’re not blazing with anger just like moments ago, but I should be cautious. No one knows what Taehyung would do, even me, the so-called best friend of him.

“I stick to you like annoying gum so that no one dares to come”

He pushes my body backwards to the kitchen island.

“I put my hands on you everywhere we go to keep you close”

He puts his free hand beside my body, caging me from moving, from escaping.

“Tell me to go away and I will stop all of this”

I let his words sink into me, trying to understand all of them. I don’t want him to stop, I can’t tell him to stay away. I don’t think I can live without him even though he admits that he plans this all this time. He wants to push any man that come to me without me knowing so I will naturally be with him. Why I don’t hate that idea?

“What if… I don’t want you to go?” I whisper a question.

He smirks. Not the usual smirk he gives to me that followed by wide grin like the playful Taehyung I know. But the smirk that followed by his tip of tongue peeking between his teeth. I stop myself from breathing and focus on that little movement upon his lower lip.

“There’s no turning back. You will be mine forever. Are you ready for that?”