Only Human

i haven’t been on tumblr in the longest time, and it’s giving me so much nostalgia. i’m going to be trying to be more active because i’m starting online school for my last year of high school, so i’ll have much more time too do the things i wanna do.  

I miss my Cali boy. But we're no good for each other.

Just a little update on my life- I had a a little backlash to when I used to be with my Cali boy. I was curious to see if he still had pictures of me on this certain app, and he had blocked me. I thought that, that would be the only thing he would keep, because I did. But I suppose not. I started crying, because I have to admit that I miss my Cali boy. But I can't go back now. He just isn't right for me at this moment in time. Dear my Cali Boy, I miss you, but I'm happy with another. Though, I will forever and always love you.

I think I'm going to start making little updates everyday. I'm going to try and do one everyday at least. I want to document my life online, so if someone can relate to something that happens to me, they can ask me questions or something and talk things out. :)

Him and I are done. Things didn't work out well. Not exactly because of the distance, but because of his own stupid motives of wanting to constantly lie about who he truly was. I still believe that if two people put their absolute all into loving someone, no matter of the distance, it can work. Just with him...he realized too late that I gave him everything and I got tired of being pushed around. I found someone who makes me happier than I've been in months. The things I used to ask him a million times for (like a little bit more love and affection) the new guy does without me having to ask. Things are just better this way. I am sad to see things end because that is a whole year of my life...gone, but I just want both of us to be happy. Despite all the terrible things he put me through, I still want nothing but the best for my Cali Boy. I know I broke his heart by not taking him back, but he broke mine by leaving and lying to me in the first place. I'm finally happy, and I cannot allow him to ruin it by letting him back into my life.

i'm seeing the love of my life again next week for three days. him and his parents are flying out to jersey to see me and i'm so excited. long distance can really work if you make it work. no lying, no hiding the whole truth. share everything, and always talk things through even if you're angry.

just promise me when we wake up in 50 years, you'll still love me

being left alone is my biggest fear. being left alone means you have no one. you have be left alone with your thoughts. and thoughts can become horrible realities. being left alone to think can be so awful and scary.

theyre hard. but they can be so easy with the right one

(life doesn’t end in happy endings, deal with it)

I’ve finally fallen in love with the one. I’m so in love, but it hurts. We met over the internet and I fell so hard for him. Our relationship had a lot of tough patches, but it’s all been worth it. We’ve been together for 5 month nows. And I’m even gonna be able to see him this summer. See, I live on the east coast in New Jersey, and he lives on the west coast in Cali. So I somehow was able to convince my whole family to take a trip to Cali and now I plan on meeting him up there. Now don’t go thinking that some catfish shit is gonna happen, no. I Facetime him every single day. So i know what he looks like. Meeting this boy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But if we plan on spending the rest of our lives together, we’ve got to figure things out. Cause we both have only 2 years of high school left, and then we go to college. But college is when everything is going to get harder. That’s why i’ve been planning on taking a gap year and moving out there with him. For those who don’t know what a gap year is, a gap year is when you take a year off after high school. So you don’t have to go straight into school after high school. So in order for us to keep the relationship strong, I want to take a gap year for him. I know my parents won’t be supportive of that, but he makes me happy. He’s made me happier than I’ve ever been in years. I don’t cut anymore because of him, and I’ve actually started to like the way i look now because of him. Now that i have his love, i’ve started loving myself.