22. England.

“And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.”

“I think when you’re 16 you don’t expect it to hurt as much as it does but what the fuck would you know about love till it slams into your chest and knocks the wind out of your lungs so you fall in love and he leaves and you stop washing your hair and your skin is bruised with the creases in your sheets and your mother wants to yell at you but your blank stare just makes her eyes tear up and you’re not supposed to see your mother cry and you’ll probably try destroying yourself because that’s what you do when you’re 16 so you’ll pull apart razors and hide them someplace your parents can find them but they never do and you’ll start smoking even though it makes you cough so hard you throw up and you can’t stand the burning in your throat and you’ll run away without ever leaving your bedroom and maybe you’ll kiss too many boys who mean nothing but mean all too much and they will all look a little like him or nothing at all and you let him fuck you up and you leave him drunk voicemails and you haven’t cried in 23 days even though you’re always crying and you promise you will never love anything again because it hurts more than they warned no one told you that this was love and maybe it’s not love maybe it’s more maybe it’s something from another world maybe it’s just your bones breaking again either way it fucking burns and now you’re older and you know to expect to come out the other side missing a few pieces of yourself but sometimes you get caught up and you forgot that it’s supposed to hurt because it’s not supposed to fucking hurt and you blink and you’re bleeding again and it’s like you’re 16 all over again trying to rip yourself to shreds while you try to pick up all the pieces of yourself everyone thinks you’re mysterious because your mouth is sewn shut with the sudden death of past loves but you’re just so fucking quiet because they’ve taken so much out of you, you can hardly open your eyes, forget about your mouth, and I guess the worst part about love dying out is that you don’t die with it, you just attend the funeral and visit the grave every time you’re drunk. you’re always so goddamn drunk.”

“And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.”

And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.

I think when you’re 16 you don’t expect it to hurt as much as it does but what the fuck would you know about love till it slams into your chest and knocks the wind out of your lungs so you fall in love and he leaves and you stop washing your hair and your skin is bruised with the creases in your sheets and your mother wants to yell at you but your blank stare just makes her eyes tear up and you’re not supposed to see your mother cry and you’ll probably try destroying yourself because that’s what you do when you’re 16 so you’ll pull apart razors and hide them someplace your parents can find them but they never do and you’ll start smoking even though it makes you cough so hard you throw up and you can’t stand the burning in your throat and you’ll run away without ever leaving your bedroom and maybe you’ll kiss too many boys who mean nothing but mean all too much and they will all look a little like him or nothing at all and you let him fuck you up and you leave him drunk voicemails and you haven’t cried in 23 days even though you’re always crying and you promise you will never love anything again because it hurts more than they warned no one told you that this was love and maybe it’s not love maybe it’s more maybe it’s something from another world maybe it’s just your bones breaking again either way it fucking burns and now you’re older and you know to expect to come out the other side missing a few pieces of yourself but sometimes you get caught up and you forgot that it’s supposed to hurt because it’s not supposed to fucking hurt and you blink and you’re bleeding again and it’s like you’re 16 all over again trying to rip yourself to shreds while you try to pick up all the pieces of yourself everyone thinks you’re mysterious because your mouth is sewn shut with the sudden death of past loves but you’re just so fucking quiet because they’ve taken so much out of you, you can hardly open your eyes, forget about your mouth, and I guess the worst part about love dying out is that you don’t die with it, you just attend the funeral and visit the grave every time you’re drunk. you’re always so goddamn drunk.