My birthday!
I toss and turn all night. I want the morning to come fast. As soon as morning dawns, I'm out of my bed.
Mata is doing Pooja. I can smell the vahigandh, the incense. She turns as I enter. "Shubham Janamdinam, little hurricane!" She says, as I hug her. 'Mata, where is Pitashree? He said I can learn swords from today!' 'Wait for it, Arjun. Not today. Today is a day of celebration, yes?' 'But-' 'No, Arjun.' 'Please, mata?' I make the sweetest face I can. Sometimes, I can talk her into doing what I want.
She shakes her head. 'Go have your food. Look, there's Maharaj.' 'Pitashree!' He lifts me high and swings me in his arms. It's a game we play. His voice is low, conspiratorial as he says, winking, 'Once you eat, I'll take you out, hmm? Then, we'll do what you're waiting for.' He's feeding me out of his own hands as I stare at him. 'Really?' He nods. 'Can we finish eating fast?' Pitashree laughs.
"You need to chew your food, little Krishna." I tell him even as my own mind wanders to one of the most joyful days of my life. I remember holding my Arjun for the first time. The curly haired dark babe who wouldn't be still, even then. My little Krishna, I had whispered to him. He's already growing so quickly, all of them are. I can't wait to watch them be the men those prophecies had promised, but at the same time I sometimes wish they could stay like this forever giving me the joy of fatherhood I had long given up on. "Where are the others?" I ask Kunti as I feed Arjun. "Yudhishtir is with the acharya, I think. Bheema and the twins are still asleep. Madri, she went for collecting flowers for today's puja." Since it is Arjuna's janmdivas, today's puja will be longer. I nod. "You wait here little hurricane and finish your food. I'll see your brothers and choti mata. After that, we can go into the woods together, just you and me." I ruffle his hair. "Promise?" He's already jumping up and down. "Only if you manage to sit still for the Puja." I try to be stern but can't keep the smile from my face. He nods vigorously as I get up. Yudhishtira and the Acharya are deep in conversation. I gesture him to go on, I only wanted to see him. It is a habit of mine, to see all my children everyday before I leave the hut. I check on the still sleeping Bheem and the little twins next. I'll wake them when I return.
I inhale the fresh air as I step outside. The rising sun has painted the sky a deep orange and the dew drops on the grass shine like diamonds. It's a beautiful morning. Madri must be near the lake, collecting lotuses for the Puja. I smile and nod at some tribals as I walk. I reach the lake and freeze in my tracks. She rises from the water like an apsara, enchantingly beautiful in the morning light. Her garments stick to her beguiling form. I walk to her almost in a daze. She's saying something but I don't hear it. I step over the lotuses she has collected, crushing them. Her eyes widen. She was collecting them for something important, I think, but in this moment I do not care. I'm close now, close enough to breathe in her fragrance. There's confusion on her face and concern. Perhaps a little fear too. But why should she fear me? Why would she want to stop me? What I want is only natural. Perhaps there's something I should remember, something important. I stop for a moment, to think. But then my gaze falls to her. My wife. I raise my hand to pull her closer. And all else is forgotten.
