stopanddrop

Dear God,

I thank you for the sorrow because I saw happiness and true friends…

Thank you for the pain, because of it I felt so alive and a loving child.

Thank you for everything, that even though I prayed for him you gave me nothing, this made me realized that he’s not the one for me, you gave me time to be ready and face the real man for me.

Thank you because I’m being assuming, this thought me that there will always a hope, I just have to believe in myself and to you.

And lastly Lord, thank you for the suffering that made me stronger each day of my life.

I always believe in you Lord, that even if I think my world ends, you will never leave me without a lesson being learned.

I have been in deep sorrow for a year now, my heart always beats as if it runs out of oxygen, it beats like pain is all over my body… it hurts, its painful and it made me wanna pass out.

I can not content what’s inside me, but all I know is that I want it to stop…

I never stop working, I haven’t slept a good night sleep. I haven’t seen the beauty of sunset and the shimmering light during full moon. I forced myself to do all the impossible things, multitask… read there… thesis everywhere…. eating as if tomorrow is death sentence. I never felt tired, my body wanted to do more. My body ask for more, so I played badminton and after that I still can’t sleep, I read a book, the most boring one… Then that would be the time my body wanted to rest, but my phone rings and made me conscious again.

I wanted to curse someone for doing this to me, but my heart always tells me to have a sweet revenge, not the bitter one, because karma will always chase me. For the longest hour, I meditated… I learned that the world is so beautiful and I am beautiful in my own way, not everyone will see me but someone have seen the beauty within me.

I’m tired now and I wanted to sleep, I guess everything will fall the way it should have to be. My head aches so bad that sometimes I forgot that my heart is bleeding. Yes, the wound is still there, I wish I could say “was there” but it is not yet over. Tomorrow I might feel restless again… doing impossible things, making myself the busiest person alive and the most heartless person ever made.