As your president, I will be auctioning off all of the states and territories I have not visited. Obviously, we do not need them as I am not using them. That means the United States of America will now consist of New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, Delaware, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee, Florida, Washington DC, Saint Croix, Saint Thomas and Puerto Rico. The good news is that Washington DC, Saint Croix, Saint Thomas and Puerto Rico have all been given statehood to make up for the states we lost, the bad news is that we have lost California’s $4.251 trillion GDP.
No no no, you misunderstand. I’m giving California back to Mexico as a gesture of goodwill.
That sounds wonderful! Will the states that were not part of Mexico previously also be given to Mexico? Or will they go to Canada or some other country?
Nah. California is the only freebie. They’re going to have to buy back New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, Arizona and Texas. I may give Canada a deal on Michigan but they’re not getting anything for free.
How the hell do you think Delaware is of more use than California?
I’ve never been there so obviously we don’t need it.
Alaskans have started nuclear war with China and Russia simultaneously. There was no way to predict this outcome. Also we made a scary face in Canadas direction.
We need to scrap the North Slope data center while we have the chance
