Synthesis of TREDFOR Discussions
Jessa
Faith and Morality
In line with the discussions in the previous theology subjects, faith and morality is subjective, depending on one’s upbringing, religious background, and cultural traditions. Some people may be brought up as religious Catholics but still behave as though there were no God. Some, on the other hand, identify as atheists or agnostics but seem to be more morally upright than the self-proclaimed believer.
However, faith in the Christian context, is the belief that there is one true God who is the source of all that is good. With this comes morality, wherein God is the center of value. A believer sees God as the ultimate being. In His likeness, we were created and so we strive to become like Jesus more and more everyday. Our understanding of the divine has been imparted to us through the Scripture. For this, we should be grateful because we were given an avenue to know about our Creator.
Kingdom of God
Being a part of God’s Kingdom means being one of His disciples. This involves striving to become like Jesus in many ways, in words and in deeds. We must learn to love like how He does. This is God’s greatest commandment—to love the Lord with all our hearts, with all our minds, and with all our strengths; and to love our fellow men as we love ourselves. It is evident that being God’s follower revolves around learning the concept and the practice of unconditional love.
Through God’s parables, He conveys the ideas He wants us to remember. One of the most famous parables is the Parable of the Good Samaritan. Unconditional love is shown in the parable because the love mentioned is between two people who are supposed to treat each other like foes because of social norm. It is easy to love someone lovable, but if the person concerned is an enemy, it is challenging. God wants us to overcome this and make our love even greater than ever.
Necessity of Marriage Preparation
There is no doubt that preparation for marriage is an important factor for a marriage to thrive and last forever. Careful thought must be put into this crucial decision and it is not something that can be done overnight. One must be certain of his/her readiness before committing into this sacred covenant. Evaluation of oneself is necessary to make sure of this.
The three areas of focus for assessment of readiness for marriage are Authentic Love, Human Maturity, and Value Clarification. Before thinking of who your ideal partner in life is, you should first make yourself an ideal life partner. Preparation starts with knowing what a good spouse should be and constantly trying to achieve the “marriagable” person or someone worth marrying. The purpose for wanting to marry someone must also be assessed. Being co-dependent is not a good reason for marrying someone. You should first be your own person, mature enough to be alone or independent before giving yourself to someone. Authentic love for someone must be present before making the promise of “til death do us part” because the feeling of love may fade, but a relationship requires effort to keep the excitement alive. This is feasible only when you have authentic love for one another.
Also, educative counseling is necessary to prepare a couple for marriage. There should not be any stigma when a couple goes to counseling. This is in fact a sign that both of them wants to make the relationship last. Pre-marital counselling will help the couple engage into activities, discussions, and conversations that they do not usually get into. This is important because issues concerning the relationship will eventually come up and it’s better to deal with them together in an environment conducive for this.
Eriksonian Framework
The Eriksonian Framework enumerates the different life stages of an average human being. We undergo psychosocial development and each stage equate to different crises, sexual stages, modalities, significant relations, interpersonal and social interactions, elements of social order, and ascendancy of virtues. The stages are divided into eight—infancy, early childhood, play age, school age, adolescence, young adult, adulthood, and mature age.
The first stage, infancy (until age 2) is where the struggle of trust vs. mistrust starts. During early childhood (Age 2-3), the child learns to be autonomous or feels shame if this is not achieved. The play age (Age 3-5) is when struggles with a sense of purpose; it is a matter of initiative vs. guilt. For the school age (Age 6-12), the child deals with industry vs. inferiority. The adolescence stage (Age 12-18) is when the person handles finding their identity or having identity diffusion. Young adult stage (Age 19-35) is where one struggles with intimacy or isolation. Generativity vs. absorption is dealt with during adulthood (Age 35-65). Lastly, mature age (Age 65 to death) involves the sense of integrity vs. despair.
The relatively best time to marry is during the Young adult stage since this is where ascendancy of the virtue of love is achieved. There must first be self-evaluation of oneself if the stages have been completed. If you have become stuck and unable to ascend on one virtue, development of oneself must first be achieved before engaging into something as serious as marriage.
Maturity for Marriage
As a holy sacrament, marriage must only be entered into when one is emotionally mature—as a part of the self-assessment on readiness to settle down. Maturity for Marriage is determined through seven levels of maturity, namely, the dependence-independence goals, the give-get balance, troublesome feelings, sexual responsibility, hostility, rose-tinted glasses, and lastly, flexibility and adaptability. Maturity does not merely mean the ability to show these attitudes, but also to enjoy them.
Dependence-independence goals manifests in a person’s capability to live on his own, not having to rely on parents or people who used to provide everything. The give-get balance is when one increasingly deems giving as fulfilling or even more fulfilling than receiving. Troublesome feelings involves being able to set aside feelings of inferiority or insecurity towards other, and instead, using one’s imperfections as room to grow and improve as a person. Sexual Responsibility is realizing that sexual actions come with consequences, and the readiness to accept them. Hostility is sometimes inevitable, but being mature is learning to divert the destructive effects into constructive ones. Rose-tinted glasses must be removed in order for a person to mature. Reality must be seen as how it really is rather than how one wants it to be. Lastly, being flexible and adaptable entails a person’s capacity to break the cycle if necessary. For example, not repeating their parents’ mistakes to their children.
Sensuality, Sexuality, and Spirituality
Every person is different and distinct in his own way. There can be no way for a person to be exactly identical with another. This should be embraced rather than despised. Even when it comes to gender, there really are differences and we cannot achieve full equality. We must only be aware of the strengths and weaknesses of each kind of person, and utilize this for the common good. A human person has three aspects of his inner being—sensuality, sexuality, and spirituality.
Sensuality encompasses a person's ability to perceive the world through his five senses, namely, sense of touch, smell, taste, sight, and hearing. Our experience of the world is gained through these. We also impart our contribution to the world and other people through these senses.
On the other hand, sexuality is a person's desire for another person. We find satisfaction not in being solitary but in having someone to share life with. The act of sex should be a result of a couple's overflowing love for each other, not merely a form of enjoyment or leisure. It is a gift from God to mankind to procreate and enjoy, given that it is done in the right context.
Lastly, spirituality is a person's want for something beyond material. We are more than just our earthly bodies. Our physical bodies are only embodiments of who we really are as a person. Man will always feel as though there is something missing—a void in his life. No amount of companionship, pleasures, and treasures in the world will suffice. Only the divine will fill this void. In God, a person will find that his being and purpose is complete.
Kathleen
Faith and Morality
God is the center of value and the fixed point of reference of Christian morality because the root of all His actions is the divine nature—love. His goodness is also presented in the Bible. Christians are moral because God is good, and the goodness of God enables and requires us to be responsible for the goodness of the world. Since we believe that God is the center of value, it gives Christians a reason to be moral. On another note, morality does not solely depend on faith.
Kingdom of God
Being believers and followers of Christ makes us Christians. When we come before God, we have to approach Him as we would approach a King. The King has a big responsibility. He is the savior and provider of His subjects. Letting God reign in our lives does not mean we blindly surrender our lives to Him. The story traces back its roots to the story of Adam and Eve in the book of Genesis. They were banished from the Garden of Eden when they disobeyed God from eating the forbidden fruit. The Kingdom of God is described in the sayings and parables of Jesus particularly in the Parable of the Good Samaritan. This parable practically describes the ideal life and mission of Christians, to love our neighbors unconditionally and to step out of comfort zone to help those in need.
Necessity of Marriage Preparation
The marriage preparation involves two phases: the assessment of the readiness for marriage and educative counseling. The first phase refers to the process of determining the readiness or non-readiness, and the compatibility or the non-compatibility by discovering the insights concerning the relationship of the engaged couple. At the end of this phase, the couple will be able to confirm or postpone their marriage plans or have their temporary or final break up from their relationship. Tools for this phase are: Marriage Expectation Inventory, Interpersonal Comparison Test, Am I Inlove Test, and the Genogram. For the second phase, the areas of focus are: self-worth and self-esteem, mutual affirmation, creative communication, sexuality, man-woman roles, responsible parenthood, marriage as a social sacrament, and couple and family spirituality.
Eriksonian Framework
The Eriksonian Framework is divided into 8 stages of psychosocial development. This framework suggests the appropriate age range to for marriage. Each stage has a corresponding crisis. First is the infancy (until age 2) wherein the baby looks towards their primary caregiver for consistency and stability of care. Once these are fulfilled, the infant develops trust which will carry them to next relationships. Next is the early adulthood (age 2-3). In this stage, the child begins to assert independence by trying to walk alone or choosing what to eat. The third level is the play age (3-5) when parents see their children as aggressive since this is the time when children explore their interpersonal skills by developing a sense of initiative. The fourth stage is the school age (age 5-12) when children begin to read, write, and do things on their own. Next is the adolescence stage (age 12-18) where in adolescents try to search of sense of self and personal identity. This is also usually when they indecisive and they prefer “testing the water”. The sixth stage is the young adulthood (age 19-35) which is the ideal age range for marriage. During this stage, we explore on relationships and sharing ourselves intimately with others. Next is the adulthood (35-65). This is when we have built our families, establish our careers, and give back to society. The last stage is the mature age (> 65) wherein productivity slows down, retirement takes place, and contemplation on the life that we lived occurs.
Maturity for Marriage
Since marriage requires more emotional maturity than any other type of relationship, there are 7 levels of maturity. This was created so that one can check the progress of his maturing. The first level of maturity is the dependence-independence goals. Maturity in this level is measured based on the level of independence of a person from his/her parents or from someone who used to provide him everything. The next level of maturity is the the give-get balance, wherein there is more maturity when a person starts to give more than expecting to receive something in return. This is also when a person values personal growth than financial return in securing a job. The third level of maturity is the troublesome feelings wherein one does not think of himself too highly or lowly and avoids comparing oneself to others. Next is the sexual responsibility which involves accepting the responsibility for one’s own sexual life and possible children. The fifth level of maturity is hostility. In this level, unresolved emotional problems in the past are used into constructive and productive channels instead of using these for the destruction of oneself. Next is the rose-tinted glasses level wherein one accepts to face reality and stops looking at everything in term of his own feelings. Lastly, the flexible and adaptable level wherein life repeating reactions are done only on appropriate instances. For example, the treatment one received from his parents should only be used only when it is appropriate for the situation.
Sensuality, Sexuality, and Spirituality
To be the same with another person should not be our goal in life. Each of us has a unique personality that is why we have to embrace our diversity. Sexuality is telling us that our humanity is incomplete without another. We find fulfillment in another person. Nowadays, everything is oversexualized and it is evident in media. The society sets standards of an ideal facial and body features that results to discrimination. Sensuality on the other hand, pertains to knowing the world through our senses. We can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. We also use these senses to communicate with other people. Spirituality means that we are not simply living bodies. We are embodied subjects and we are created in the image of God. We share in His spirituality. At the end of the day, we yearn for a union with God and to be completed by Him to find happiness because only God can fill the missing piece that we have been trying to search for. The sexual act can be done before marriage, provided that the unconditional love and commitment is present. Marriage is a concrete sign of the love and commitment that already exists between the couple. The sexual act has 2 purposes: procreation and the union of the spouses. We should not treat our bodies as objects used only to satisfy one's pleasure. In the sex act, spouses achieve an ecstatic mutual self-abandonment when they reach orgasm. It is something that cannot be approximated by any kind of experience. It is therefore a mystical experience. The moment of orgasm blurs all boundaries built because they are completely exposed to one another.
