The One and Only Dabbird

An evil scientist is not nearly as scary as an unethical scientist. i know what an evil scientist will do. they'll build a death ray or a reality bomb to hold the world hostage. but an unethical scientist? who knows what theyre about to do. they could make device that turns everyones hands into feet and then i gotta awkwardly explain why i have a boner.

you like feet, don't you

no, you see thats the thing. i dont. but the idea of having useless thigns at the end your wrist... see this is the awkward conversation i didnt wanna have!

2026: call planned parenthood (I don't have insurance) their number is behind seven proxies because lunatics keep calling in bomb threats

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

is it even a beach trip if you dont get wiped out and inhale seawater at least once

ocean stole my sunglasses. dont know what shes going to do with those but i guess she needed them more than me

God I’m so hungry I could eat a h- *looks around nervously to make sure my friend Devin, the Talking Horse isn’t nearby* phew. Well I’m so hungry I could kill and eat my friend Devin