So much to write so little time

    Aqua sometimes worried about how often their kids fought, but in one of the few moments where Zexion actually mentioned his childhood, he said he too had found his sister insufferable. Some siblings just didn’t get along. Ira and Ava were like that.

    But at times, the two kids, teenagers now, took things a bit far. Like the time when Ava brought an air horn to Ira’s orchestra concert. Or when Ira retaliated by getting his uncle Vanitas to teach him to make slime so he could cover Ava’s bed with it. Or any time their parents ended up getting involved. One of the few things Ava and Ira could agree on was that their parents were formidable. Particularly their mom. She didn’t get mad very often, but when she did, even their dad felt it best to lay low for a while. Plus her cooking was pretty deadly.

    Still, their family was a happy one. Mostly.

    Ira stabbed at his mashed potatoes. Ava was doing that thing again. That one where she reported his every single shortcoming to their parents. If he got an A- on a test rather than A+, Ava would be quick to tell on him. If he tripped and fell during PE, who would rush home to tell dad right away? Ava. And when cousin Invi let him try out her slingshot at school and he accidentally hit the principal’s sports car with a grape, tattling on him to their parents would be the highlight of Ava’s day. It certainly seemed to be the case now.

    “Well I’m sure your brother didn’t mean to,” Aqua said.

    “Maybe not, but since the window was open it ended up on the inside of the car. And it spattered all over!” Ava said. The infuriating part of this all, for Ira at least, was that he had no way to retaliate in kind. Ava was practically perfect. Polite to all teachers, perfect grades, graceful, never failed at anything she tried, never made mistakes; the only way Ira ever had anything to report on Ava was if he engineered it himself, and there was no way he wouldn’t get caught. He’d tried. Her only fault was her rotten personality, and even that was only towards him. Talk about unfair.

    “Ira, are you going to eat your potatoes, or are you just planning to maim them?” Zexion asked. Grumpily, Ira took a bite of his potatoes.

    “Plus, yesterday Ira forgot his music for orchestra. And he always talks about being a big-time musician someday.” Ava laughed.

    “I had it all memorized, so it was fine,” Ira snapped back. And then it occurred to him. The one thing that would get her to shut up. “But anyway, Ava, when are you planning on introducing your boyfriend to mom and dad?”

    If Ava had turned any paler, she would have become see-through. Got her.

    The thudding sound was Ira’s first clue that maybe he had gone a little too far. The slapping sound of his mother face-palming was the next. After that, he didn’t need any clues, because he’d looked over at his dad and started to sweat because he had just done something terrible. Zexion’s eyes were ablaze and one hand still clenched the dinner knife he’d stabbed the table with. Ira knew without checking under the table that Zexion’s other hand was at its habitual place at his pocket, where back in the day he’d kept razor-edged wires that he used in fights.

    “What’s this about a boyfriend?” Zexion asked, his voice deadly calm.

    “Dad, I, uh-” Ava stammered.

    “I-i-it was a joke. Just a j-joke. L-l-like Ava has a b-b-boyf-friend. Haha,” Ira squeaked, knowing that he was going to get hell for this unless he straightened things out.

    “Was it?” Zexion asked, his attention turning on Ira, who qualmed.

    “Uhhhhhh.”

    “Dear, Ava’s already 15 years old. It’s normal for her to start thinking about dating,” Aqua said mildly.

    “Thinking, yes. Not doing.”

    “Zexion,” Aqua sighed.

    “You didn’t start dating until you were 20.”

    “So, what, you’re going to make us the basis for when our children can date? Does that mean Ira’s going to have to wait until he’s 35?”

    “No, I just meant-”

    “You’re being overprotective again. Stop it.” Aqua’s word was final.

    While the conversation was over, Ira didn’t relax. He wasn’t out of the woods yet. Sure enough, his dad finished first and left the table, and his mom picked the topic back up again.

    “So, you have a boyfriend, Ava?” Aqua asked. Ava instantly turned on her brother.

    “Ira you little gremlin, you’re-”

    “That would be a yes then. Is it who I think it is?” Aqua continued her line of questioning.

    “Um, well, that is, uh-”

    “Oh come on. It’s not like we didn’t all see this coming,” Ira interrupted in spite of himself. “The two of you have practically been conjoined since elementary school.”

    “By that argument, you and Invi should be dating since the two of you are thick as thieves. Emphasis on the thieves, since you’re a couple of little troublemakers!” Ava snapped back.

    “Invi likes girls, and you know it! Pardon me if I haven’t succumbed to any raging hormones yet!”

    “Both of you, please stop before your father comes back in here to complain about the noise. You know he hates it when people start shouting,” Aqua said. She was completely unphased. “Ira, in the future I would advise you to think a bit more before speaking, as your father is quite excitable. Ava, I’ve told you before that your brother doesn’t need you to tell us his every move.”

    “But mo-om-” Ava whined.

    “No buts. If he really did something wrong or was in trouble he can tell us himself. Furthermore, if you have a boyfriend, you really ought to tell us. Better for us to find out right at the beginning than for it to be revealed suddenly in a way that is rather inconvenient for you. I mean, imagine if your Uncle Demyx saw you with your boyfriend and called everyone over to spectate. Or- or something like that. Point is, be careful what secrets you choose to keep, okay?” Aqua blushed a little as she gave her suspiciously detailed example.

    “Yes, mom,” Ava grumbled.

    “As for your father, I’ll talk to him. So go ahead and invite your boyfriend to dinner on Friday.”

    “But mom, Dad will kill him before he even gets through the front door!” Ira protested. If anything happened to his sister’s boyfriend, Ava would take it out on him in spades.

    “No he won’t. Like I said, I’ll talk to him. Now, try not to fight too much as you finish your dinners,” Aqua said as she stood up and cleared her place at the table. She paused to sigh over the new scar in the table from the dinner knife, but then she was gone, leaving just an irate Ava and an apologetic Ira.

    “Look, Ava, sorry, I-”

    “Save it,” Ava snapped. She shoveled the rest of her food down, still managing to look as dainty as always, and then she too was gone, leaving Ira to wonder if maybe he could get one of his uncles to help him move to Antarctica. Or maybe another planet, just to be safe.

    Friday night came and an air of unease fell over the house. Ira wouldn’t come out of his room, he was that scared. Ava was by the door, pacing and trying to keep a lookout for her boyfriend while also trying to keep an eye on her dad. Zexion might have appeared to be reading, except that he was scowling at the book in his hand as if trying to urge it to combust, and had not turned a page since he’d picked the book up almost half an hour previously. The only person who seemed unaffected by it all was Aqua, who hadn’t had work and had spent the day cleaning the house and humming along to the music playing through her earbuds.

    And then the doorbell rang.

    Ava sprang for the door. Zexion slammed the book shut, a behavior he never tolerated, and got to his feet with a glint in his eye that spelled trouble. He’d spent the previous evening talking to Eraqus about speeches one gave to one’s daughter’s boyfriend, and was well-prepared. Back in his room, Ira cowered underneath a blanket.

    “Gula! Hey!” Ava greeted slightly breathlessly.

    Zexion froze, uncertain.

    “Oh, is he here already?” Aqua asked. “Come on in, Gula. I was really glad to hear you two are finally dating. I was worried the you and Ava were going to be like your parents. I don’t think any of us ever understood why it took Sora and Kairi so long to get together.”

    “Mom! Stop that! It’s embarrassing!” Ava cried.

    Zexion was still frozen.

    “Well according to my dad, he kept getting interrupted whenever he tried to ask her out, but according to my mom, he was just super dense about it and then he chickened out too easily so she had to ask him,” Gula responded, shrugging.

    “Both sound pretty likely,” Aqua laughed.

    “Uh, mom,” Ava whispered, and jerked her head at Zexion, who still was in a state of suspended animation.

    “Dear, did I forget to mention that Ava’s boyfriend is Gula?” Aqua asked a little too innocently. Zexion finally moved, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

    “You think this is funny, don’t you?” he asked sourly.

    “Uh-huh,” Aqua said.

    “Hmph.”

    “Don’t be like that,”Aqua chided. “Here, I’ll help you make dinner to apologize.”

    “Why don’t you get Ira to come out of his room and help me instead,” Zexion sighed. “We want the results to be edible, right?”

    As both parents left the room, Gula swallowed nervously.

    “Uh, what just happened?” he asked.

    “My mom has a twisted sense of humor sometimes,” Ava replied.

    “Oh, okay,” Gula said, accepting that he wasn’t going to get any more explanation than that. But really, didn’t he deserve to know why his life had flashed before his eyes when he’d entered the room?

    But it wasn’t like Ava really could explain what had just happened. She didn’t quite understand that, as Sora’s son, Gula held a special place in the hearts of the Yakuza 13, and as such, was one of the few people who would ever be able to actually be considered an acceptable match for Ava in her father’s eyes. She also was still trying to process the way her mom had just gotten away with trolling her dad so supremely. She knew they were in love, but to think it was to that extent was unbelievable to the girl, and to pretty much everyone, really.

    Sora knew Ephemer was a good kid. But he also knew that his younger brother had a mind of his own and did things his way, which often put him at odds with people. He was also driven by whims, and so could easily change his mind about things, which frustrated them. He had his issues, just like everybody, and currently, those traits were causing him to fight with his family more often.

    “Did your parents say you could?” Sora asked as Ephemer walked in.

    “Nah, but I don’t need them.”

    “Ephemer, unless you’ve gotten emancipated since the last time I saw you, you need their permission to stay here. Go home.”

    “Why? I don’t want to go! I want to stay with you, Sor. And I’ll be good! I’ll help clean the house and I’ll look after the kids and I got my license finally so I can go run errands if you need! Please, Sora, please? Please let me stay?”

    Internally, Sora crumbled. How could he say no to his little brother when he was begging like that? But he knew Roxas and Xion would be worried, and that Ephemer was probably just mad over something small. With Ephemer, he might not even be mad at his parents at all, and just wanted to be around Sora. He’d always been rather attached to his older brother.

    “If your parents say so, then fine.”

    “I told you, I don’t need their permission.”

    “And I told you, yes you do. Now either call them or get out.”

    “Can’t I at least stay for dinner?”

    “Does Xion know you won’t be home for it?”

    “But Kairi’s cooking is so much better!”

    “Does Xion know, Ephemer?”

    “No.”

    “Call them.”

    “Don’t wanna.”

    Sora sighed. This was a total stalemate. There was one trump card he could use though.

    “Alright fine, but just so you know, I’m also inviting Van and Ven over for dinner tonight.”

    “What?!” Ephemer and Vanitas had long since accepted the fact that they would never get along, and happily avoided each other as much as possible. On those rare occasions they were stuck in the same place, they both pretended the other didn’t exist. But it tended to get a lot harder when they were having dinner together, especially since if it was at Sora’s house, he tended to seat them next to each other.

    “It’s my house.”

    “Ugh. Fine. I can put up with Vanitas. But this means I get to live here, right?”

    “It means you can stay for dinner.”

    “Soooo-raaaaaaa!”

    “Why don’t you go upstairs and see if the kids want to play?”

    Ephemer huffed a sigh, then got a suspiciously innocent look in his eyes that Sora suspected meant that Ephemer was going to try and get Sora’s kids to help him with his plea. As soon as he was out of the room, Sora heaved a heavy sigh of his own, and went back outside to sit on the porch. He didn’t have to wait long.

    The last time Ephemer had run away like this, he’d heard Xion coming to pick him up and had made a break for it, giving them the runaround until Roxas reminded them all why he had been the captain of the thirteenth squad of the Yakuza 13 by hunting his son down and catching him. Therefore, Sora wasn’t surprised when Roxas came on foot.

    “How far away did you park?” he asked.

    “Only a block,” Roxas replied.

    “What happened this time?”

    “He told Xion he wanted to stop taking karate and she told him that was okay.”

    “Oh, Ephemer, Ephemer, Ephemer,” Sora said, shaking his head.

    “I really don’t know what to do. If we try to support him he gets upset, but if we push back he still gets upset.”

    “Well don’t ask me. You’re the one with the psychology degree.”

    “That doesn’t mean I can magically solve any and all behavioral problems, Sora,” Roxas sighed. “If it were that simple, I would have achieved world peace by now.”

    “I suppose,” Sora acknowledged.

    “So where is he?”

    “Upstairs with the kids. He’s staying for dinner. He also decided he’s going to live here, but I have an idea about how to deal with that.”

    “Which is?” Roxas raised an eyebrow, skeptical.

    Sora grinned. And while Sora had a wide variety of smiles of his own, this grin was 100% Vanitas.

    Ephemer was in a good mood. Sure, he was stuck next to Vanitas at the table, but he was gonna get to stay at Sora’s. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his parents: he did. They were pretty awesome overall, but they weren’t as cool as Sora. And it wasn’t that he hated his little brother: he didn’t. Mickey could be a pain in the butt with the way he was always following Ephemer around, hoping for some attention, but Ephemer was touched that Mickey looked up to him so much. But Sora had always been his favorite brother. And it wasn’t as if he loved Sora any more than the rest of his family: he just didn’t think it fair that he got to spend so much time with them but so little time with Sora.

    It was also nice to spend time with his nieces and nephews. Ephemer had really enjoyed drawing with Gula and Invi earlier, and he’d had fun watching little Aced’s reactions when Kairi had played peekaboo with him. He loved Sora’s family.

    It wasn’t like Ephemer was planning to stay forever. He’d go home when the school year started again, because having a license so that he could drive to school was useless when he didn’t have a car, and so he still needed to catch a ride from his mom.

    But throughout dinner, Ephemer kept noticing a few things that made him worry. Like how Sora kept rubbing his eyes. Maybe he was really tired from overwork? And cousin Ventus looked older somehow. Probably all that time he’d spent in veterinary school. And Vanitas was chiding Gula and Invi about their eating habits almost as much as Sora and Kairi. When had he gotten so responsible? Not to mention Vanitas’s latest choice for hair dye was back to his natural brown, which Ephemer couldn’t remember ever seeing before. It made him look unnervingly similar to Sora. But then, after dinner, now that was when things got REALLY weird.

Normally Vanitas had to be reminded not to get too smoochy with Ven, but tonight, there was just some mild cuddling. So mild it almost made Ephemer wonder if they’d broken up again, even though that was supposed to have been over years ago. Ephemer was about to ask about it when the doorbell rang, and Kairi let his dad in.

    Ephemer lowered his head, uncomfortable. Roxas was probably angry at him. He knew he was being troublesome. But he also knew that Uncle Terra had been pretty bad once, and Vanitas had been troublesome his whole life and Roxas had put up with that, so Ephemer didn’t think he was that bad or anything. He clenched his fist slightly, ready for an argument.

    “Alright Van, time to go,” Roxas said, and Ephemer blinked, confused. Why was his dad here for Vanitas? Unless…

    “Just a minute, babe,” Sora said. Why was Sora responding to a comment addressed to Vanitas?

    “Oh thank god,” Vanitas said with a sigh. “My eyes were starting to get really sore.”

    “Heh, nice pun. Sore Sor, eh?” Sora said. Only that was something Vanitas would say. Had they all switched on him? But that was impossible. “Though frankly, I outdid you, like always, since my eyes were watering all through dinner.”

    “Yeah? Well my eyes-”

    “Knock it off, you two,” the person Ephemer had been assuming was Ventus said.

    “Besides, you can’t complain when it was all your idea,” the person who might not be Sora added, getting in the last word.

    “Says the one who complained about high heels after coming up with the plan to crossdress that one time,” the other twin replied. “Speaking of which, after your failure to pass as a girl, I’m surprised you managed to make such a convincing me.”

    “You failed just as badly. Also, I am a very good actor. I even made a living as one for a while there, remember? Got scouted for movies but turned them down because I don’t need any nosy paparazzi hanging around. Not to mention the burden it would have put on all you guys.”

    “Bull. No way you got scouted.”

    “Did too.”

    “I thought I told you two to knock it off!” the person on the couch who might not be Ventus said.

    “Plus I really would like to hurry up and get home, Van. Nyan still hasn’t been fed,” the person at the door- Roxas? Ventus? Ephemer really didn’t know- said.

    “Alright, give me a minute, babe. I wanna go say goodnight to the kids,” Sora said, and stood up.

    Ephemer was very confused. His mind could not process what seemed to be going on.

    “By the way,” the person who might not be Ventus said, unwrapping his arm from around whichever of Ephemer’s brothers he’d been sitting with to lean forward and fold his hands. “I’m impressed. There were even a few moments when I forgot you two had switched, and I raised you.”

    That was it. Ephemer had had enough.

    “What is going on here?!” Ephemer exploded. “Are you-” he pointed to his dad and Ventus. “Which of you is my dad?”

    “I don’t know, Ephemer, which one do you think is Roxas?” Vanitas asked. Or was it Sora? He looked like Vanitas, and his expression was Vanitas’s, but he’d been talking like Sora earlier, and Ephemer’s head hurt.

    “Sora, give him a break,” the one in the doorway who he’d thought was his dad but now he thought was maybe Ventus said.

    “Alright, alright. As I said, I did want to remove these things anyway,” Vanitas said, then reached up to his eyes. After a long moment, he lowered his hands and lifted his face to show eyes that were slightly reddened but distinctly blue. “By the way, dad, I know we used to cuddle a lot when I was little but man it is weird cuddling with you as an adult.”

    “Wha- what- why?” Ephemer asked.

    “Because it’s fun to mess with you,” the person Ephemer had assumed was Sora said as he removed contacts of his own to reveal yellow eyes.

    “So this was all your idea then,” Ephemer snarled at Vanitas.

    “Nope,” Vanitas sang, smirking. “As much as I’d love to claim this bit of devious geniusness, this one was all my dear little bro’s.”

    “I’m pretty sure I’m the older twin,” Sora interrupted.

    “Well, whatever you were trying to do, it didn’t work, so-” Ephemer began.

    “Are you sure it didn’t work?” Roxas- Ephemer was now certain it must be his dad on the couch and Ventus at the door- asked. “You don’t even know what we were trying to do.”

    “It doesn’t matter what you were trying to do, because it didn’t work! I’m staying with Sora!” Ephemer yelled.

    “Yes, but if you stay, when you wake up tomorrow, how will you be sure the person sitting at the table is Sora and not Vanitas?” Roxas asked calmly.

    “And the next time your dad comes to collect you, how will you be certain it’s not me coming to pick up Van?” Ventus added.

    “I- I-” Ephemer stammered. How would he know? Before today, he would have been certain he’d be able to tell, but they’d had him completely fooled. Sure, he could always watch for romantic interactions, but he wouldn’t put it past them to up the ante on him. At the very least, he could definitely see Vanitas kissing Kairi to act the part. And Kairi deserved better than that. Plus it might make Sora feel insecure, and-

    “Alright, fine. You win,” Ephemer grumbled. He sighed and got up.

    “I’ll go get my stuff,” he said, unconsciously addressing the person at the door.

    “Are you really sure you want to come home with me and Van?” Ventus asked, raising his eyebrows.

    “Do it,” Roxas said with a grin.

    “Ugh, please no,” Vanitas complained.

    Ephemer didn’t stick around for any more of that. Blushing scarlet, he rushed up to grab his duffel and say goodbye to his nephews and niece. He almost collided with Vanitas who was going to do the same as he careered down the stairs, but luckily he was able to dodge before he caught any cooties.

    Roxas and Ventus were both at the door, keys in hand, when he returned.

    “Okay, not funny,” Ephemer said.

    “It is to us,” one of them said.

    “I actually wasn’t trying to be mean. Sorry, Ephemer,” the other said. “Let’s go home.”

    Ephemer sighed. They had him completely. He didn’t want to inconvenience everyone like this. He just wanted time with his brother.

    “Fine. But you’re gonna be the one to tell mom I’ll keep on practicing karate.”

    “You can tell her yourself, or else Sora’s not gonna have you start babysitting for him.”