it's fun to be a loser

Cursing in english vs. in español.

But today my heart is breaking and I needed to say something on the off chance that anybody that matters or has control might be listening.  Because I feel like I am watching one of the people I admire most in the world being stripped of his soul and I don’t know how much longer I can continue to watch this train wreck.  Before I go on, I realize I care way too much about a person I have literally spoken to twice, for maybe, if I include the conversation he had with my friend, 5 minutes in total.  But I do. And the reason I care is that Darren has provided me with so much entertainment over the past 5 years and has continued to blow we away with his talent and truly believe, if allowed, the places he will go are limitless.  And when I feel like his talent has been sidelined and his value as a commodity has become more important, not to mention getting press and PR for his beard, a person whose name would not be known if not for him, I become enraged. So since I woke up at 3 AM and made the mistake of checking Tumblr to see if he appeared, I have felt sad and angry.  And no this anger is not directed at Darren, I still support him 100% and cannot imagine what it must be like to live his life, it is directed at the people controlling his life and playing games with it.

And I want to say to the powers that be, that my voice matters and that I support him regardless of his sexuality.  I buy tickets, I saw How to Succeed, A Starkid Show (where literally I was the oldest person without a child), Listen Up (2x), Hedwig (2x), Elsie, Gross Indecency and  I have tickets to the Alan Cumming Show in February.  Not to mention I have seen every episode of Glee despite the fact that it suffered so much creatively and forced myself to watch AHS to support him.  So my voice should be heard just as loud and clear as the hand full of people who will not accept him for anything but straight.

And last night was a complete and utter failure.  First, there was NO purpose for him being there.  He was not an announced performer or presenter.  Therefore the sole purpose was to place him on a red carpet and once again, remind us that he has a girlfriend.  

And then there was the interview, which could have been worse, but it certainly wasn’t good. Trevor is about youth advocacy, agreed, but about LGBT+ youth and I know Darren knows that and to diminish that is to take something away from the cause.  And I know Darren is passionate about this cause.  But I am certain he was briefed before the event on how to answer questions and to steer any conversation away that may even hint that he is anything but straight (which I believe completely, the evidence is there based on his words and actions).

But what is bothering me so much isn’t the charade.  If I truly believed that this was what Darren wanted and needed and that it was good for his career, I would keep my mouth shut. B/c he is a 28 year man, and while I may not agree, he is entitled to make the decisions that he feels are best for himself and his career.

But instead, what we are watching is an utter and complete train wreck.   We are watching a man, who has not had a project of value to focus on in over 2 months, being paraded from event to event.  His eyes are utterly and completely lifeless and void.  His smile has become so fake and sad.  I don’t see how anyone who is watching this does not see how he is being destroyed.  And yes, I know he has a private life, and I am thankful for that, but no matter how amazing that may be (and I agree with many who have said this over the past 12 hours, this is NOT about shipping) he is literally at an event 5 or 6 nights a week, pretending to be a person he is not, generally accompanied by a person I can tell he is not comfortable with.  

So to me, last night, was a loss.  The only thing that was accomplished is that once again, fans that are invested and truly care about him, have been isolated.  

And I do ask the question, why?  I do believe the Darren we saw during Hedwig, was the true Darren as much as he can be while maintaining a public persona (including PR and bearding).  This was a man thriving, who prouldy wore nail polish,  was not afraid to participate in Pride and wear a sticker that said “God Mad Me Perfect” and to make the Col-Fur joke on a nightly basis.  

I have to wonder if he was sent to Italy for7 weeks to distance himself from the Hedwig Darren to the Darren PR thinks they need to make money.  B/c since his return, the bearding and the PR Darren has been non-stop and it is painful to watch.  And it needs to stop.

Darren, I know you troll Tumblr and I know you read these things, I really hope you know that there are so many people who support and love and accept you. And maybe Hollywood is not the place for you right now, but I now Broadway would embrace you with open arms.  And yes, I understand there is a contract.  And I am not asking for you to reveal the truth or do anything that would be harmful or interfere with your personal life and relationships (regardless of who they are with). But there has to be a way that you can comply with the terms and conditions of that contract without causing serious damage to your mental health.

So I say, Bravo Ricky, Bravo PR, Bravo Fox, Bravo Ryan and Bravo Mia.  I hope you are all happy that you are contributing to what I see as the destruction of an incredibly talented, beautiful soul.