because im a lady, thats why!

i mean

i’ll definitely use it somewhere that’s safer for me specifically

is that good enough

:33 < sigh

i make no promises on this

mostly because i feel like i deserve to set this off on purpose at least one time

HOW AM I TO SEE SOLLUX 1V1 AND RESIST PLANTING MY KNUCKLES SQUARE BETWEEN HIS TEETH RAPTURE??? 

:33 < step 1. take some d33p breaths

:33 < step 2. remember that this is your friend who has almost definitely missed you very much as well, and is quite pawssibly f33ling hurt that his friend’s immediate reaction upon not divulging information thats difficult for him to discuss is anger and vitriol

I’M NOT REALLY SEEING ANY RESULTS HERE, DO YOU? AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST NOT BE ANGRY IF HE RESURFACES OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE AFTER SO LONG HE COULD HAVE LITERALLY BEEN DEAD AND NOBODY WOULD HAVE KNOWN OTHERWISE???

:33 < you can be angry, its definitely very frustrating when someone you care a lot about is being avoidant and withholding infurmation about themselves that is causing a schism in your relationship

:33 < i just would think that you might understand another purrson’s desire not to confront something that is apparently just that difficult to talk about

OH LOOK NEPETA’S HERE! PERHAPS, NEPETA, YOU COULD SHOEHORN SOLLUX INTO ACTUALLY FUCKING TALKING TO ME! 

WOULDN’T THAT BE A RIGHT NOVELTY!!!!

ii dont thiink 2o np ii 2ort of both value my eardrum2 and liike two NOT have my face covered iin the 2pittle of an entiittled brat.

:33 < look i understand that youre entitled to your purrivacy, and thats totally fair, but i think its easy to s33 that karkat is concerned about you and at the very least it cant be denied that he has ample reason to be, considering the circumstances

contradiictory‌:

hey wiild thought but have you ever maybe con2iidered the fact that ju2t po22iibly haviing 2hiit blown iintwo epiic proportiion2 wa2 one of the thiing2 ii wanted two avoiid by diitchiing out iin the fiir2t place?? that maybe ii ju2t dont liike talkiing about 2ome thiing2?? or that quiite po22iibly none of iit ii2 your busiine22??

AND LIKE I’VE SAID, NOT TO HARP THIS EXACT COLLOQUIAL OF MINE REGARDLESS OF HARPING FOR THE LAST HOUR AND A QUARTER, BUT FIRING OFF A SINGLE POSTCARD WOULD HAVE DONE THE FUCKING TRIP OF AVOIDING THESE SO-CALLED “”EPIC PROPORTIONS””!! 

HOW IS IT NONE OF MY BUSINESS? IS IT NONE OF NOBODY’S BUSINESS THAT YOU FUCKED OFF WITHOUT A WORD?? I’VE LITERALLY ALREADY SAID THIS, BUT SO AND SO FEW AMONG US MIGHT HAVE WANTED TO UM, ACTUALLY, **KNOW** A THING OR TWO ABOUT YOUR WHEREABOUTS AND GENERAL CONDITION, SOLLUX! 

:33 < okay, hi, im here now

I HAVE A QUICK QUESTION, JUST A THOUGHT. SOMETHING TO CHEW OVER BEFORE I START UNSPOOLING THE ENORMOUS RIND OF THREAD REQUIRED TO TAKE THIS TO TASK. 

WOULD EQUIUS BE COOL WITH THAT??

:33 < hmm, an interesting question, which i will answer with another question:

I JUST THINK IT’S ABSOLUTELY *VITAL* TO OUR ROUTINE TIT FOR TAT THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ANY ONGOING OR PRIOR INTEREST IN ME IS BLATANTLY, PATENTLY, COMPLETELY UNWARRANTED!!

IF I LABORIOUSLY, IF JOINTLY, PUT IN THE TIME TO MAKE AN ELABORATE PATCHWORK OF THESE TINY SHIRTS, ARE YOU GOING TO CONFINE YOURSELF TO USING FORTY-TWO CONSECUTIVE “FUCKS” TO KEEP TOASTY? BECAUSE I DON’T WANT IT.

:33 < youre wrong but okay!!!

:33 < um, yes?? absolutely?????

AND ALONG WE’VE TODDLED TO THE CRUX OF YOUR NATURE: YOU HAVE BAD TASTE! I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT EVERY SWEEP MARCHING STEADFASTLY BACKWARDS I WAS ONLY PROGRESSIVELY MORE BASTARDOUS THAN THE SUCCESSOR. 

ARE YOU UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT I DIDN’T ALSO MAKE DOZENS OF T-SHIRTS WITH “FUCK” EMBLAZONED ACROSS THE CENTER FONT??

:33 < okay pause the furst part of this conversation because i n33d to know the location of these shirts

NO HE’S NOT. EVERY ITERATIVE OF PAST ME INCLUDING THE ME I WAS NOT FIVE MINUTES AGO IS A WITHERING SPECTER COMPARED TO THE REAL THING. I HAVE ALL BUT SHED MY OUTERMOST SHELL OF EPIDERMIS TO DISCERN MYSELF FROM EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE BYGONE TWERPS. YOU THINK THAT GLORIFIED MILKSOP COULD WITHSTAND THE CULMINATION OF HELTER SKELTER WHIPLASHES OF THOUGHT GALLOPING INTERMEDIATELY ACROSS MY CEREBRUM? I DON’T THINK SO!

WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT? I LEARNED THE FUCK WORD AND A GREAT DEAL MORE JUST AS SOON AS I’D LEARNED TO READ AND I’VE BEEN BLOATING MY VOCABULARY EVER SINCE, THERE’S NOTHING ELSE TO IT. 

:33 < ive liked all those iterations of you just fine so i guess we will just have to agr33 to disagr33!

:33 < yeah but thats purrcisely whats so precious about it?? and the fact that you wrote on your shoes, of all things

DON’T GO BUSYBODYING AROUND MY TIMELINE MORE THAN THE PREVIOUS TWELVE TO SIXTEEN HOURS. I DON’T KNOW THAT GUY, OK? EVERYTHING I’VE SAID IS POSTMORTEM WITHIN THAT SPAN. HE’S FLATULENCE IN THE TURBINE, SO I’D SUGGEST YOU KEEP UPWIND. 

:33 < but past you is so interesting!

:33 < especially tiny you, who apparently was so ofurjoyed at discovering swear words that he decorated his shoes with expletives in crayon

NEPETA.

I HAVE THE ORIGINAL ENCRYPTION MODUS FROM, YES, IN FACT, MY EARLIEST WIGGLERING SWEEPS, AND DESPITE ITS UI REMAINING UBIQUITOUSLY TEDIOUS TO MANEUVER, I HAVE FINALLY UNENCRYPTED SOME INVENTORY FROM SIX SWEEPS PRIOR AFTER I DEXTEROUSLY DROPPED SEVERAL DOZEN OF THE CARD SAFES ON THE UNFORGIVING CEMENT A TOUCH OUTSIDE OF MY SECOND STORY WINDOW THREE TO SIX TIMES TILL THEY POPPED. THE FOLLOWING ITEMS SHOT TEN TO SIXTY YARDS ACROSS MY LAWNRING, IN THIS APPROXIMATE ORDER:

THREE LONG PERISHED ROE MASSES, ONE LIGHTLY MAULED BY A SINGULARLY DISTINGUISHABLE SET OF MANDIBLE MARKS 

ONE THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY ONE TROLLA COLA BOTTLE CAPS, ANGULAR TO THE GRISTLE, OF WHICH I WAS NINETEEN SHORT OF EXCHANGING FOR A HIGHLY COVETED LIMITED EDITION GLOW IN THE EVENINGHOUR RELISH GREEN TROLLA COLA KEYCAPS BEFORE MY ENTIRE PLANE OF METAPHYSICAL EXISTENCE WAS OBLITERATED BEYOND RECONCILIATION 

SEVEN HATS, FORTY EIGHT CUSTOMIZED BLACK SWEATERS, TWO SETS OF SHOELACES, SEVERAL HOODIES, AND A PAIR OF WHITE WIGGLER’S SNEAKERS THAT HAS SCRAWLED IN RED CRAYOLA ACROSS THE BASE, “FUCK FUCK FUCK   :)”

A LEATHER BOUND PHOTO ALBUM HEAVING WITH VARIOUS NONDESCRIPT, COMPLETELY UNSENTIMENTAL SNAPSHOTS 

BLOOD STAINED TEETH (GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU! @contradiictory)

SEVERAL BASE PIECEMEALS OF MY STRIFE SPECIBUS 

APPROXIMATELY FORTY-ODD MILLION GRIST IN VARIOUS SHAPES AND SIZES. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THESE, I DON’T KNOW WHY I POCKETED THEM SWEEPS AGO INSTEAD OF THE MOST POINTEDLY FUCKING OBVIOUS TRUNDLE OF EXHIBITION AT MY FEET, WHICH WOULD INCLUDE *ACTUALLY* SPENDING THEM WITHIN THE TIMEFRAME THEY REMAINED AS USABLE CURRENCY. IT SHOULD BE NOTED THAT ALL GRIST CACHES ARE LITERALLY GAME ABSTRACTIONS THAT I CANNOT PHYSICALLY PICK UP IN MY ACTUAL REAL LIFE HANDS, SO THEY ARE IDLY FLOATING ON THE GRASS TRIMMINGS OUTSIDE, UNTOUCHABLE. I’M GOING TO TRY POURING SOIL OVER THE AIRSPACE THEY APPEAR TO BE CONGREGATING 

A FRAGMENT OF MY LUSUS’S CARAPACE

ONE PAIR OF @timetechturntables‘S SUNGLASSES 

CHALK

ONE OF NEPETA’S HATS 

AN ASSORTMENT OF EXPENSIVE AND JEWEL AUGMENTED RINGS ERIDAN INSISTED ON GIVING ME OVER THE PERIOD I WAS LIVING AT HIS HIVE 

TWENTY CAEGARS 

ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY UNPOPPED BAGS OF POPCORN 

BLOOD SOAKED FABRIC 

ONE OF KANAYA’S LIPSTICKS. I’M GOING TO SET IT IN ANOTHER BLOCK BECAUSE IF I CARESS IT AT THE SLIGHTEST OBLONG, TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE, IT WILL SPIN INTO A THREE FOOT CHAINSAW AND I WILL LOSE MY UPPERMOST RINDS ON IMPACT  

A SEALED JELLY JAR OF UH, I DON’T KNOW. FACE PAINT?

FIRST AID KIT 

A TOOTH FILE

AN ELABORATE DIORAMA OF INTERWOVEN SCHEDULES FROM WHEN I WAS LIVING ON A ROCK HURTLING THROUGH OUTER FUCKING SPACE AND IT WAS UP TO LITTLE OLD ME TO CONSORT A CHORE CHART SO VARIOUS NOT-TO-BE-NAMED SO AND SOS WOULD, PERHAPS, ON SOME OFF CHANCE, ROUTINELY CONSUME THE RUDIMENTARY CHOICES OF NUTRITION IN VARIABLE INTEGERS OF TIME ON TOP OF CHANGING THEIR **NOT ACTUALLY MAGICALLY-SUPER CLEANING** GOD PAJAMAS 

CAT FOOD