OJ in 2017

Three things of today! 

- met with GLD advisor, I want to and think I can do the one for Diversity n Social Advocacy!! I’m super excited bc v passionate about that, I might have to take a few more classes but its worth it! 

- Musicale went really well, I wore my new skirt from yesterday and felt hot and Ashlyn and I did sisters and everyone thought it was so cute!

- I found an episode of MFM I haven't listened to yet!! Gonna save the rest of it for tomorrow morning bc I’m gonna get up early, be productive, and practice for the piano quiz!!! 

Things tomorrow:

- score study project is due (YIKES bc haven’t really started it??!!) 

- gotta pack for and figure out how to get to concert choir tour which also Rach is gonna be in town but I’ll be on tour this weekend :’(

- gonna go to T Coop and check out Kati’s recommended book and a bio of a rad lady and a non-fic for fall tour! also download songs and make playlists for a chill vibe when people are annoying on tour 

<3 

So it feels like it’s been forty years since summer and with the inevitable passing of time and stressing out and being the busiest I haven’t written. Good things have happened, definitely this semester, but it’s been a rocky road too. Greer and I were actually more of dating this summer, and it’s not been an easy transition back to friends. I’ve come out to way more people, which is nice, but also leaves me feeling super exposed. VPM stuff is overwhelming, and Music Director stuff is a lot. I’m going to try to write more, but honestly journaling sometimes just stresses me out even more because it gets me in this weird place thinking about how we can never go back only forward and how far I’ve come but still have to go and how death is inevitable, casually. I made an appointment with the consoling center and I’m hopeful for that, Kati’s been doing her hw for it and seeming to get a lot better. I’m trying to be a strong lady on my own but everything I do, if it’s not a smashing success, I can’t handle it. If  I go on a date and it doesn't end up working out I can’t hang, and I keep feeling like everyone has more friends and is more connected to each other than I do or have or ever will be, and I want to stop it! Today I made a list of nice things and pinned it up in SOM so maybe someone will see it and have a better day,  and I decided to star journaling just three things that happened to me each day, and if they're negative I have to counter them with three posis!! So today I:

- Went thrifting and found three nice professional lady tops, and a skirt, and some teacher pants and a cool windbreaker

- got a lot of backlogged work done, recital reflections turned in, and voice lessons turned in. 

- made my squash for dinner and it wasn’t that great tbh, so I made popcorn with nutritional yeast n chili powder on it and Kati said I was like Olivia Pope from scandal which is cool

-been listening to Mitski a lot and I’m here for it 

Tomorrow I have:

- that diversity lunch thing which is p cool 

- meeting for GLD!!! 

-Winter Musicale (which tbh I’m just glad will be over after this it’s gonna be a messssss) 

This week has been a goodie!

I hung out with Greer on Thurs and it was like a super chill, very bff time and I love it!! We went thrifting and tried to get fancy ice cream at that new place, but it was really weird with sad employees :( and we saw a “you jus got can’d” goblet ad the gw which was a great time. Honestly beyond blessed for a friend like her who listens to all problems even fam stuff, and gives honest and kind advice. Literal angel <3 

Then today CalIie helped me move most of my stuff out, and now I can feel the joy of minimalism before I move home where all my crap is now lol. We were good today, and watched Bobs and then went to San Jose and is was 10/10 SO GOOD. I had my summer chorus concert, which went pretty well! I wore my tall neck tank and all black with dark lipstick and felt hot af, I wish I could wear it always with my mirror glasses and take no shit. CJ came and then we went to Nonnahs for amazing cakes and coffee, and then came back and did face masks and packed a little more. She seems a lot better and I love her so much, I hope she will make such good friends at college, all good vibes to her! 

Also the veg cookbook came, and I made a chilled chickpea cucumber soup!!! It was really different and good and I’m excited to make more recipes! And I bought a ton of new, actual quality skin care stuff, and I really feel refreshed and like I’m glowing!! Also just started listening to BlkSWN which a new blogger I found recommended, and im in love love love. 

xoxo

Today I 

- Got brunch with Greer, a beautiful and amazingly kind person, who genuinely loves and supports me, and will talk through things in always the best and most calming manner

-Worked extra long, which was less fun bc I had to receive, but fine because I worked with a girl I like

- Got off and made mac with El, bc shes 13 and so funny and smart and way cooler than I was at her age, and super informed on issues like Mr. Dirty Qtip in the oval office

-Made it home just in time, stopped at my wine PoP In, and the cashier was an angel who said I “looked like that little girl from Brave” and didn’t even ID me 

-Now I’m in my comfy huge black shirt and leggings, sippin moscato and listening to the super storm outside, thinking about how nice this moment is.