Pieces of Me

Entering into our second full month of quarantine, I don’t think there has ever been a better time to practice TGIF. In a span of time where so many things have been taken away from us, let us not just focus on the negative, but focus on the bountiful blessings that we CAN count. Let’s get into it! 

TRUST

Trust. Trust. I am making the choice to trust the decision-making skills of *most* people in power because they are informed to make those correct decisions. And I have to trust most of them for my mental sake because the power is more than out of my hands. So what else is there for me to do? Now, don’t get it twisted, honey. We’re not here for blind trust. We need to read up and then read up some more to ensure that we are getting the correct news, not the corrupt news. Okay. 

GRATITUDE

I am incredibly grateful for the time I’ve had to spend with my Spring Breakers throughout the month. When classes were canceled, my 7 friends and I made a pact to be each other’s quarantine group, I am so glad we did.  This last month has been full of joy, laughter, and tears alike. And I wouldn’t want to spend this time with anyone else. 

INSPIRATION

Class of 2020; High School, Associate’s, Certificates, Bachelor’s, Master’s, Ph.D, and anywhere in between. I am inspired by you. COVID has ravaged our final semester, and here we are. Still grinding, still working hard and making our final strides to that heavily-weighted piece of paper that we put in hours for. Congratulations to you. Congratulations to us. 

FUN

I celebrated my 22nd birthday in part with my quarantine group. Fun is an understatement. Whenever we get together it’s always a good time. My friends put together some fun games to play, Gabby made a wonderful Oreo Cheesecake and I was able to enjoy their company. Fun is always on the ballot when we are together! 

I’ve been doing heavy internal rebuilding. Working on myself, taking those hard looks in the mirror that makes you want to look away seconds later. You know what that feels like right? I would imagine everyone has experienced it at some point or another.

Thank God I took that time to work on myself. I love my ability to listen actively and take in everything around me, especially golden nuggets that aren’t useful in the moment but will soon prove to be extremely appropriate months or in this case, years, down the road. During my sophomore year, I had a few counseling sessions with a gifted professional who looked like me. One golden nugget she offered me, was to build positive habits when things were good so that when things got rocky you are able to lean your habits, instead of being caught without positive coping mechanisms. After she told me that, I went to the drawing board to find new things that helped me deal with my issues, and also find things I had at the time that lifted my spirits. That’s when Treat Yo Self: All Year Round Jermaine began to find his footing. 

Nice to be back! During the month of March, I decided to take a short break from a few things and I’m glad I did. It’s majorly important to take stock every once in a while and see what needs to happen so that you can find some sort of balance. And now, as life has “balanced” out as much as possible, I am so excited to come back to the writing that replenishes me. Now, let us take a flashback to the month of March! Time for TGIF!

TRUST

March was chock full of flat out uncertainty. COVID-19 had some wild impacts on my life that will be detailed in some upcoming posts, so stay tuned! The one thing that kept me pushing through all the craziness, is trust. Trusting that some things are plainly out of my control and all I can do is roll with the punches as they come. And that is how I was able to find PEACE! 

GRATITUDE

I am completely full of gratitude to be recognized as one of 19 recipients from my graduating class to receive the President’s Distinguished Service Award. I dreamt of having this honor bestowed upon me since the spring of 2017. It was almost stunning when I read the congratulatory email. I could not be more grateful that so many people believed I deserved this award. 

INSPIRATION

During March, I was inspired by the faculty and staff at Miami University that took the time to reach out to me and see how I was handling the crisis at hand, as they dealt with the same things personally. It meant more than they will ever know to get those simple texts that just asked, “How are you doing?” Professionals like that are what inspire me to best the best I can be on my path to becoming a Student Affairs Professional. 

FUN

With the Stay-At-Home Order firmly in place. It has never been more important to find joy in the little things. My favorite way to have fun these days is by getting knee-deep into some of the amazing television that is being aired right now. From comedies to dramas to documentaries; the content is seemingly endless. And, I love it! Some of my favorite during March were, Schitt’s Creek on Netflix, Little Fires Everywhere On Hulu, and Visible: Out On Television on AppleTV+. 

To you:

“Umph”

You said everything you needed to say. When you’ve known someone for ~21 years, you understand an amazing amount about them. You understand their silence, you understand their words, you understand their choices, motives.. and I could go on but you get the point.

I understood what lies beneath the, “umph”. Censure reeks through this “word”, that’s really not even a word, but a sound. I don’t think you understand how much that sound hurt me. To know that even after all this time... you haven’t changed. It hurts to know that I’ll never really be able to get what I need from a person in the position such as yours. It hurts that my happiness is causing such a rift between us.

Watching “The Photograph” really forced me to notice parallels in the film to my own life. Is this how you were treated by someone in your past? Did anyone teach you what true unconditional love really means? Do I know what true unconditional love really means? No matter what the root is, I have come to realize it’s not my fault nor my responsibility to repair it. 

I hope that one day, we will both understand what the definition of unconditional love is and how it applies to one another. But right now, that day seems so far away. It really kills me, because I thought we were closer to it than we are. However, when you’re far away from someone, words speak louder than actions. And that word. That word said everything you needed it to.

To me:

You deserve it. You deserve happiness, you deserve to love and be loved, you deserve to live freely. Why? Because you are a human being. And human beings are worthy of love and belonging. “WORTHY.” is what the tattoo says above your left knee, for times like this. Times where you feel denied, unaccepted, and completely depleted of value. Look at the tattoo. Understand the tattoo.

In other words, don’t blame yourself.  Don’t blame the way you were born. Don’t blame the things that make you feel whole & complete. Instead, take the lesson. Play with it, mold it, understand it deeply. That way, you won’t have to repeat the labor again in the future.

You are capable of love. A true agape love that surpasses the love that is being given to you. Being in tune with your emotions is your superpower. It doesn’t make you less of a man, it doesn’t make you less of a human being. It makes you, you. There is no one out there who contains your characteristics in the same form that you do. You are special and unique. 

Love yourself. Trust yourself. And when someone attempts to dim your light because it makes them uncomfortable, give them an “umph” and go about your day. You refuse to be demonized for demanding respect for your space, your person, your identity and your experience. Remember, life is for the people that love you because of, and not in spite of.

Y’all know that picture of the black woman in glasses, hinged at the waist with her hands resting on her knees, accompanied by that out of breath look? Yup, that’s me right now. Three months to the finish line of graduation and I would be absolutely remiss if I wasn’t honest with myself about my current fatigue. I’m taking the chance now to tell myself it’s okay to say no, and take a breather every once in a while. With that being said, let’s get into it. 

TRUST

Trusting myself. Trusting that during this time I am secure enough in who I am to not allow riff-raff no matter the source. Like Amanda Seales says in her book, Small Doses. “Make the decision to stop allowing yourself to be mistreated/abused/manipulated. Learn to spot it quickly, identify it, address it, and if it does not change immediately, discard it.” I’m trusting my discernment today and discarding all things that are not passing “the vibe check”, as those Gen-X’ers are saying. 

GRATITUDE

This time around, I’m grateful for my ability to apply practices of self-love and acceptance to my daily practice. I’ve come to realize that sometimes people read books just to pass the time, or to escape their reality and that keeps them from actively digesting the material. But, I’m glad to say that I am able to apply the concepts that I read about. Specifically, when it comes to dealing with the ideas of shame and lack of self-esteem. There’s a lot of things happening around me that would normally keep someone from loving every piece of their true selves, but thanks to authors like Brené Brown and Amanda Seales, I’ve learned to love myself no matter what others feel or are saying.  

INSPIRATION

I’m thoroughly inspired by my LGBT+ brothers, sisters and siblings, who identify as black as well. As black queer people, on a daily basis we must deal with discrimination from racial, sexual and sometimes even gender biases. The bravery that it takes to be true to ourselves is overwhelming. And to others who are on this journey with me as well, I want you all to know that you belong here and you are loved!

FUN

Valentine’s Day is coming up! I’m super excited this year because it’ll be my first time celebrating in a relationship that has been established for quite some time. There are 2 days of fun plans coming up for next weekend! On Friday, we’re going to grab a bite at Penn Station, and then going to see “The Photograph”! I’m so excited to see two regular black people find love on screen. And then on Saturday, we’re going to dinner at Jay’s Seafood and ending the night seeing The Color Purple National Tour at their stop in Dayton! I cannot wait! 

This winter, I had the chance to go on the “Inside Hollywood” signature experience for one of my majors, Media and Culture. While the trip was fun, and we made a lot of super cool visits, I did notice one aspect was especially lacking. Diversity and Inclusion in entertainment. A huge hot button topic that’s finding its way into many media boardrooms across the industry. Personally visiting so many different places in Hollywood and the surrounding areas, the problem is clear. There is a stark lack of representation found throughout employees in front of and behind the camera. Through all of the visits we’ve been on as a group during the two weeks, we have seen and interacted with somewhere around 9 people of color. Meeting with roughly 70 people during these last weeks, that means ~12% of the professionals have been people of color, while the other ~88%, based on appearance, have been white. 

Among many barriers that hinder people of color from breaking into the film industry, external issues may come to mind first. But what about the internal issues? I feel those must be addressed as well. We had the chance to speak with an actress, and a casting director who had some really interesting comments on inclusion in Hollywood. They mentioned a speech by Emmy winning writer Alan Yang in 2016 where he said, “Asian parents, do me a favor. Give your kids some cameras instead of violins and we’ll be all good.” This comment is interesting for a few reasons. But first, I want to make note of the power that parents have over their children’s future. Parents can easily dictate the extra-curricular activities that their child participates in, and if a child is only exposed to are violin and piano lessons that they were forced to take, how would they know the breadth of opportunities that across the world? 

Sometimes, parents do not understand the amount of power they have. Societal pressures, specifically on Asians to uphold the idea of being the “model minority” have an adverse effect on children who want to make a career in professions that are known to be less lucrative than law, or health for example. Parents that take the option of exploration away from their children during adolescence are one of the issues that leads to a lack of representation in the TV and film industry. 

Another problem that leads to the lack of inclusivity in TV and Film is the lack of diversity in the writing room, according to the casting director we spoke to. One thing I’ve learned about through these last two weeks is that writers write what they know. They write about their experiences, and those experiences could be specific to their culture, gender expression or religion, depending on the story. In her book, Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About Race, Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum notes research from the Public Region Research Institute that says, “75 percent of White people have entirely white social networks. (Tatum 45)” What I pull from that quote is that white writers’ stories and experiences do not include people of color a majority of the time. Leading to an absence of diverse stories across all platforms, starting with the lack of differing experiences in the writer’s room. The deficiency of minority experiences being written then leads to a lack of minorities in on-screen roles. The shortage of representation on screen also causes issues for young actors of color, who are struggling to get their foot in the door. Marian Wright Edelman said in the documentary, Miss Representation, “You can’t be what you can’t see.” 

Of all the issues listed above, the most glaring is the issue of finances, which relate to power and access. On Wednesday, the actress we spoke with mentioned a movie she had been working on for several years. She told us how much she would love to have a woman direct her film, but sometimes things don’t work out that way because money talks. “If a person that has the money I need to fund my film and they want a male to direct it, am I going to say no,” she asked us, rhetorically. That quote goes to show where the power lies in this industry. 

Power and wealth go hand in hand. So, who has the wealth in America? White people. Forbes.com found that in 2013, wealth for the median White household was $116,800 while the wealth for the median Black household was $1,700, and $2,000 for Hispanic households. Less money flowing through the households means there is less opportunity for Black and Hispanic people to fund projects. Which leaves mostly White people to act as gatekeepers for what is produced and what is not, effectively choosing whose stories are told. 

Catch up time, no? These last two months have been an absolute whirlwind. November and December were full of fun, stress, and not too much downtime. I am glad to share that I am now halfway completed with my senior year at Miami University! This past fall semester was nothing short of a struggle, however. Definitely the opposite of what I expected from the first half of my senior year! But, everything doesn’t go as planned, right?

TRUST

Every day, I think more and more about Graduation Day. But, the daydreams aren’t all rainbows and roses. As exciting as Graduation Day is going to be, isn’t it human to think of the other side of the coin as well? The other side of the coin I’m speaking of specifically is the thought of my core friend group being strewn about across the country. All six of us have very different paths ahead, and who knows where they will lead us... Nevertheless, I’m making it a point right now to trust that no matter where we end up, our bond will remain. 

GRATITUDE

As I write this post from my Burbank apartment for the month, I can’t help but be grateful to my future alma mater, Miami University of Ohio. Miami has given me so many wonderful, once in a lifetime opportunities. Including the one that I’m currently participating in called “Inside Hollywood”. A three-week immersive experience on location in Los Angeles, California. The trip focuses on film and TV production, with two weeks of company visits with staff from shows like; Jeopardy (Yes, I met Alex Trebek and we made eye contact), Wheel of Fortune, How to Get Away with Murder and the hood classic, Flavor of Love, complete with a shadowing experience for the last week. Most people have to take their capstone in a classroom, but I’m extraordinarily grateful that mine is in sunny Los Angeles. 

INSPIRED

Having the chance to sit down and meet with all of these different people in Hollywood and throughout the Greater LA area, I am greatly inspired by their stories. A bulk of them came out to LA with limited everything. From limited friends all the way down to limited funds. But now they own successful freelance production companies, are VP’s for top creative design agencies and have won Emmy’s. There is nothing more inspiring than folks who at one time walked the same hollowed hallways at Miami University and are now living their dreams in real-time. 

FUN

Los Angeles. That’s the fun. Honestly, this city is everything I expected. But, I am still waiting on this traffic everyone seems to speak of. I haven’t come across it yet, and would like to keep it that way! Week one is down and I’m very much looking forward to the next 2! 

“There are no stupid questions.” A statement that I’m sure everyone has heard at least one time in their lives. But, did we really believe it? Do we really believe it? I don’t think so. 

Or maybe that’s a blanket statement. At least, I don’t think we believe it. Earlier in the semester, in one of my business classes, I asked myself "Is this a stupid question?” And the fear of my question being just that kept me silent. Of course, there was a supportive professor at the front of the class that always opens the floor for questions, but at the end of the day that wasn't enough. Some classroom environments don’t often support the space to ask whatever questions you are actually thinking. 

In this course specifically, I am the only black student in the classroom. Not only that, I’m the only black student in the classroom for the Miami University Altman Institute of Entrepreneurship. A Nationally-ranked Entrepreneurship program. And to top it off my majors, which are Media and Culture & Fashion have almost nothing to do with Entrepreneurship. Most people are probably asking, “Well, Jermaine. What does that have to do with anything?” I personally think the intersection of these three things means very much. 

Inferiority complex is the basis of the instantaneous anxiety I feel when faced with the decision to ask my question or keep it to myself. Mostly as it relates to my identity as a black man, it is my absolute worst nightmare to be seen as that black kid with a stupid question. In fact, one time in my first Entrepreneurship course last semester I built enough courage to ask a question and it was met with chuckles from the entire class. In that class, I was one of...wait for it...two black students in the classroom. And at that moment, I was the black kid with the stupid question. 

As black children, I believe that most of us are taught to never be caught slipping. Never let them find you falling behind. Those teachings are based on the fear that we will immediately lose all credibility at the sight of a misstep. It’s almost as if we are one mistake away from being deemed unintelligent and unworthy of the space we inhabit. 

Black people always have to fight to belong.

Quite the mental set back, right? But what does it look like to come back from that? It looks like realizing that at the end of the day, everyone is faking it. We’re all confused. We all don’t know what the professor wants out of this project. We all don’t know where post-graduation is going to take us. We all don’t know. 

AKA Second Friday’s: October Edition. Last weekend, I spent at Acropolis. Acropolis is an emerging leader retreat that Miami’s Office of Fraternity/Sorority Life offers annually. This year was my third year attending and my second year as a peer mentor! This trip is always a highlight of my academic year. It’s such a joy being able to lead conversations about making changes to better Miami’s Greek Community with the future leaders of Greek Life. 

This year, I was more than proud of NPHC for almost quadrupling the number of attendees for this year than my first year attending. In 2017, there were 4 NPHC representatives, in 2018, there were 8 NPHC representatives and this year we had a whopping 15 NPHC representatives! The power of representation was truly felt this weekend. Now on to the good stuff!

TRUST

Application season is quickly approaching, and while I’ve done extensive research on many graduate programs across the country. For some reason, I feel like there are rocks that have been unturned. It’s an odd feeling of FOMO...but for graduate schools. Whenever I slip into this anxious place, I have to remind myself of a few things. 1. I’ve already found 2 wonderful schools that I’m going to apply to. 2. I still have a little bit of time to continue to research universities and programs. So basically, I must remind myself to trust my intuition and trust that God is leading me in the right direction. 

GRATITUDE

Man, oh man. Words cannot express how grateful I am for this past weekend at Acropolis. Every year that retreat reminds me of why I went Greek but also reminds me how many great leaders Miami has and what they’re capable of. The connections that were built during the weekend were so genuine. I am so excited to see how collaboration and community skyrocket in the coming weeks. So much of the weekend was centered around inclusivity among all three councils (NPHC, IFC, and Panhellenic) and being on campus this week, I can see that those conversations were not left on the campsite! Interacting and mentoring is so close to my heart. I’m so grateful that so many young leaders reached out during and after the retreat to remind their mentors how much the weekend had impacted them in a positive way. It means more to us than they will ever know! 

INSPIRED

Last week, Miami’s NPHC held our week of events for NPHC Week. As President, I placed the week completely in the hands of the council’s Vice President, my dear friend, Gabby. She honestly went above and beyond to create on the best NPHC Week’s this campus has ever seen. Watching Gabby work so hard to put out such an amazing product was beyond inspiring. Thank you, Gabby for all your hard work. You’re doing great, sweetie!

FUN

This one will be a little divergent from my regular fun, but I am quite enjoying my current group project. The course is entitled, Entrepreneurship (ESP) 321 - Startup Entrepreneurship. Anyone who knows me knows that the ESP department has been the bane of my Miami existence since the Spring 2019 semester, but my group for this course based on Scrum/Agile tactics has changed all of that. We scheduled a meeting from 8:15-10 pm and in this meeting, I laughed the hardest I ever have. This group of people is so much fun, and realize that fun and hard work can run in the same group! I’m in for a great semester with these folks! 

Hey there! I know so many of y’all have that one constant question on your brain. And that is…”What on earth does Jermaine listen to?” Well, stress no more! Your prayers have officially been answered. :) 

Okay but honestly, music is such an important facet of my life. It keeps me sane, it helps to clear my head, think straight, focus, have a good time. Literally, music is everything to me. I take pride in my libraries. (Yes I pay for Apple Music and Spotify, actively listening to both) I take pride in the music I suggest to others as well. In the spirit of suggestion, I wanted to create a playlist every so often and connect it to my blog to talk about a few of my favorites! So, let's get into round one! 

2 Places By Tori Kelly

For those unaware, Tori Kelly’s third album “Inspired by True Events” was released on August 9th, 2019. The album has been critically acclaimed, of course. Tori’s songwriting abilities matched with her impeccable vocal prowess is key to making this amazing piece of work. My favorite song on the album by far is 2 Places. The song chronicles the emotions that come along with feeling like your heart is split into two separate locations. In between one and the other but having no home ground. The song says, ”in between the two, standing still on the run. I feel like the moon, trying to stay up on the sun.” To me, this is one of those emotions that no one has ever quite put the correct words to. I know we’ve all been in that place where we’re moving and doing things, however, you have no idea what’s happening. The feeling of being everywhere but nowhere at the same time. Yea, this song hits that perfectly. Paired with the passion of Kelly’s voice, you have a storytelling masterpiece. 

Listen to “2 Places” here

All the Man That I Need by Whitney Houston

The Voice. Ms. Whitney Houston. My absolute favorite performance was of this song, from the “Welcome Home Heroes” event that was broadcast live on Easter Sunday in 1991. In the live recording, the way that Whitney commands the audience is impeccable. Bringing them to scintillating peaks, all the way down to hushed excitement within the confines of 6 minutes and 30 seconds. I absolutely love the raw soul just oozing from Whitney’s vocals. The way she sings this song is like no other. It’s something about those words, “He fills me up” when she hits the chorus. She never sings it the same way twice. It is the variety in choice and vocal control that really sets Whitney apart from the rest. But y’all knew that. Enjoy the masterclass. 

Listen to “All the Man That I Need” here

Something Good by James Vickery

“Take time, wait for me, baby” This silky smooth rendition is everything you could ever need from a neo-soul jam. Personally, it’s a toss-up between which part of the song speaks to me the loudest. Both the lyrics and the instrumentation really take equal parts in creating this song. Of course, lyrics and instrumentation work together to create a song, but this sound makes them almost as if they’re one and the same. The syncopation in the chorus running against the rhythm but with it at the same time is mesmerizing. The song has such a breathtaking power behind it. Some would even venture to call it a vibe. The type of vibe that is visceral. There’s a reason why soul music is labeled as such. It’s because of the way that it reaches... the soul. Listen to this when you feel ready to let it take you over. Trust me, it’ll be worth the wait. 

Listen to “Something Good” here

If these songs caught your attention, please take the time to listen to the rest of these handpicked gems for your listening pleasure. I got y’all on Spotify and Apple Music. :) 

For my Spotify users

Happy Friday! I can’t believe it is September already. This last month was nothing short of a whirlwind. Dealing with move-in, the stress of the transition and on top of all that, it’s my senior year of college! I’m just out here trying my best to handle all the facets of life, so far I'm working to keep my head above water. But my goal, however, is to thrive, not just survive. Let's get this TGIF started!

TRUST

Imposter syndrome is real. In fact, it may be real enough for me to write a full post on its impacts and my personal experiences with the pattern. It is literally insane how often these thoughts can permeate someone's mental, and it takes over… You know what, definitely writing a full post. Regardless, that’s neither here nor there. I say all that to say, I trust that I belong on this campus. Some of the classes I’ve found myself in this year are new, and also fairly challenging. It’s hard for me to find my place, but I have to continue to tell myself that I belong in those classes. I am very much as worthy as the next person to claim my spot in that space. 

GRATEFUL

As I mentioned above, I am in the beginning of my fourth and final year here at Miami University of Ohio. While these past three years have been nothing short of challenging, tough, and completely life-altering to say the least, I am so very, very grateful for these memories. I wouldn’t trade any experience (good or bad), hard conversation, change of heart….or major, for the world. It has meant so much for me over all these years. Cheers to the next two semesters of “lasts”. It’s been a wild ride, Miami. 

INSPIRATION

I am quite inspired by black people who actively pursue the media industry. That came from left field, right? I know. But, media is definitely one of my passions. And the media industry, specifically television entertainment is one that I truly enjoy being critical of. And the spirit of critique has caused me to be so inspired by black people who go out with a mission to recreate authentic black life on screen, and are successful in their endeavor. Maybe we can get into my watch list later on? 

FUN

Fun. One of the hardest things on this list to do in a guilt-free manner. Nonetheless, I do have quite an enjoyable time at the events I put on, whether it be for Miami University Fashion & Design, or as President of Miami’s NPHC. Specifically, our Welcome Weekend was one of the most delightful! We held a hip-hop roller skating event in the student center. I think it was the perfect way to welcome the first years to campus. I even got out there on the floor, knowing I can’t skate worth anything! And I’ll leave off with this; while learning a new skill, you can’t be afraid of the fall!

Hey there! It’s the first Friday of August, and that inherently means it’s time for another group of TGIF moments! *Even though at this point, it’s the first Saturday... but we’ll let that one go. :)

TRUST

As I go into the last couple weeks of summer leading into my senior year of college at Miami University of Ohio, I trust that what’s for me will be for me. One of my favorite mantras is, “comparison is the thief of all joy”. Not only does keeping that in mind keep me from wondering why I’m not in the same places as some of my peers, whether it be financially, mentally, or physically, it also keeps me sane because I’ve grasped the skill of how to truly be happy for those around me when great things happen for them. My good things will come along, and they aren’t the good things that we’re destined to happen to anyone else. 

GRATITUDE

This time around, I am grateful for my dad, Jermaine Sr. and his soon to be wife, Felicia whose big day is tomorrow, August 3rd. Felicia and my father have been utterly, and completely supportive of me throughout these last few months. I’m grateful for the wholehearted and authentic conversations we’ve been able to have over the years, too. They’ve taught me how to respectfully voice my opinion kindly and clearly in a way that opens the floor up for dissonance. And dissonance is required for growth if you ask me. 

INSPIRATION

This fine Friday, I am inspired by all those folks out there who have planned and executed a successful wedding & reception ceremony. Because I mean... whew. 

FUN

Following the wedding theme that we’re on, I am quite excited for the ceremony and reception tomorrow. Just being around family and friends, the joy will be contagious. And I’m a cry baby, so I have to be sure to pack my kleenex in my tuxedo jacket. Sounds fun, right? 

Remember to be thankful for the little things! #TGIFpractice

 **POSE S. 2, Episode 4 Spoiler Ahead**

First of all, this episode was quite the tour de force for actress, Angelica Ross. The way that she brought Candy to life in this episode of POSE was commendable. She was able to start off making the viewer ask why Candy always has to insert herself in places where she shouldn’t, to understanding that our girl was just trying to break out and be “somebody” beyond the box she was placed in.

This episode did such a wonderful job painting the photo of life for black transgender women in our country. The icing on top was the conversation that Candy had with her loved ones posthumously at different points during her memorial service. Almost every person that Candy interacted with was full of regrets in the form of how they live their life or how they treated her while she was trying to live hers’. That paradigm begs the question, why don’t we love one another while they are here? There are so many people around us who just want to be their full, complete selves and find a place that proves to them that they are worthy of love and belonging. How would your life be different if you showed someone the kind of compassion and love they are looking for?

One of the most heartfelt moments during the episode was when Candy’s parents arrived at the memorial for their final goodbyes. The first thing that Candy’s mother asks her spirit is, “Why did it take me so long to see you?” Which was a two-fold question, 1. “Why did it take me so long to see you physically after you left home?” and 2. “Why did it take me so long to see you for who you sincerely are?” The second question is an issue that I believe is still pervasive in the black community. Our community is continually allowing their hate of the LGTBQ+ identity to take place over people’s humanity and the right to be loved, connected & have a place to belong. In this example specifically, as it can be found in many others, Candy was kicked out of her home for being true to herself. In that situation, Candy lost her parents, her parents lost their child, and at the end of the day, everyone was missing a piece of themselves. No one wins when the family feuds.

Finally, the first performance for “Candy’s Sweet Refrain” was Candy herself, lip-synching to Stephanie Mills’ 1980 Top 10 hit, “Never Knew Love Like This Before”. I couldn’t even think of a better song for Candy to slay the audience with. The lyrics were so poignant for her situation. Below are a few lines from the song:

You are my love light, this I know 

And I'll never let you go

You’re my all, you’re part of me

Once I was lost and now, I'm found

Then you turned my world around

When I need you, I call your name

‘Cause I never knew love like this before

Opened my eyes

‘Cause I never knew love like this before

What a surprise

What I want readers to draw from this song, is that everywhere Candy went during her waking life, she was just looking for love. At the balls, Pray Tell would consistently “read her the riot act” for trying something new, at home, her parents kicked her out when she showed them her reality, & in the House of Ferocity, Candy even had issues with her co-Mother, Lulu. This song shines a light on the fact that Candy never actually knew the love she was receiving at the time of her death when she was alive. I would love if we stopped waiting until the last moment to cherish and love the people around us. We should be able to give folks their flowers while they’re alive.

In closing, don’t forget to love one another out loud. There are some people out there who could really use it. Love is a completely renewable resource; it won’t run out if you give it to more than a few people. Let’s try to live a life where if we were to die, there won’t be what-ifs. We are wasting life, living half-heartedly. Finally, we need to care for our transgender brothers and sisters. They deserve our love, they deserve our protection, & they deserve our acceptance. There is no reason as to why they should be persecuted for being who they know they are and it's not up to us to judge them.