Almost halfway to figuring it out

Is this what depression feels like? I just... don't care. I don't feel like trying. I don't really care what I look like, I feel like shit about myself anyway. I try to schedule things that I like doing and get excited for but then when it's time to do them I don't want to go. I could easily stay in bed and sleep all day. I already take Prozac for other reasons but it's apparently not doing anything in this department. :(

Matt has the kind of family that I've always wanted, the kind of family that I've never known. He has 2 parents that love each other unconditionally, and as a unit, his whole family stands together through anything and everything. I want to have that someday.

This is first time that I’m going to make myself feel vulnerable to someone. I’m cutting off all of my other “fall backs”. And maybe it won't end up working out, but my desire/want to see where things go with this guy is stronger than my fear of being alone

Like, I even like how his fucking sweat smells. Isn't that a sign of compatible pheromones and shit?

Make that sex and drinking. I want to give up sex and drinking for 6 months (with homecoming being an exception)

After last night/this morning, I'm seriously considering celibacy for 6 months

Just a message to men, that I can't tweet: if you have a girlfriend and you send me a picture of your dick, THAT IS CHEATING

I'm on a mission to love myself unconditionally and without hesitation. To not feel like I have to impress anyone but myself ✌🏻️❤️

I've never really had a touchy-feely relationship with my mom. I don't go to her for the emotional stuff, I go to her for things like, "How do I start a 401k?" and "Should I see a doctor about this?" I can only recount 2 times in my life that I just broke down and felt like I needed my mom. First was when I was 10-11 and knew something was wrong with me, but at the time I didn't know it was OCD. Second was my junior year of college and I had broken up with Chris and was completely lost and broken as a person. And the third was today. And that's how I know it's serious, and that's how I know it's time to talk to someone.

I feel like a shell of a person, like I haven't had an actual identity in about 5 years. I guess when you finally hit rock bottom is when things start to go up. Here's to the start of finding out who I really am...

I reached out to a counseling center today. I hope I can finally get a handle on these self-esteem and dependency issues. And I need to work through this break up because shit's not been easy.