you were not born with venom in your veins

in chess the queens can kill each other which is toxic yuri and the kings can never get within a square of each other which is doomed yaoi

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember”  And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, it’s 1/3, not ½

I told my grandma that I’d told my friends about what she said and that some of y’all had said you wished she was your grandma, and she said “Well, you can never have too many grandkids!”  So like…consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is

Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she said “That’s okay, you’ve never been straight!” and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone

Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!

An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month

Happy pride month!!

hey boss i can't come in today it's a sunny day and there's a lovely breeze coming in through my window, yeah it's rustling the branches of the tree outside that's finally bloomed so it's pretty serious

every morning i wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made

goo goo dolls if they were in dune: and i don’t want the worm to see me

is he … you know … open to interpretation?

Nah dude don’t worry about it, she’s always saying shit like “I am bound to oaths I no longer believe in…” and trying to die in pointless battles. I wouldn’t pay it much mind

the thing about heavy handed symbolism is that sometimes. it's fun.