strawberries & cigarettes

My desires in a relationship have changed over time. I no longer want someone who promises to always love me and never leave me, I need someone who understands that life happens and sometimes things don't work out.

I don't want someone who sugar coats things and never gets angry with me, I need someone to tell me how it really is and put me in my place. I need to be able to go five hours without talking to you and not feel lost or incomplete. I am complete without you.

1. Female

2. 🇵🇭🇯🇵 27

3. Single

4. 5'5

5. Straight. (Yeah, being bisexual left the building a few months ago)

6. Love Cats & Dogs

7. With edgy and dark humor

8. Hobby: Reading, Workinng out, Hiking,

9. Currently working

10. Goal: own a business sumday

11. Dream: To see the tulip fields and toblerone mountain

11. Ambivert listener who loves an introverted yapper

12. Bare minimum enjoyer jk.

I don't want to find you in another universe. I don't want to meet you in a parallel galaxy, in the afterlife, or at another time.

I don't want you to be my what-if, my greatest love that got away, or my right-person-wrong time.

I don't want to spend my days searching for a love like yours. I do not want to give my heart to anyone else. I do not want to begin again, get to know a soul again, and pour out my all again.

I want to work this out with you. I want my poetries to be about your entirety. I want my future to be filled with ours. I want my years to be yours.

I want to argue, make up, and be close to you. I want to share silence, buy groceries, and build a home with you. I want to trace stars, reach dreams, and share victories with you.

You were my sunshine, my serenade in the torments that I was facing. Yet despite the late nights and promises, you couldn't even do the single thing I asked of you. To tell me if there was someone else. You made me believe that you were mine.

Made me believe that I can be yours.

Why?

Until now, still no apologies or explanations.

I hate myself for believing in your words.

For believing in your promises.

But most of all, I hate myself for even loving you.

I guess it was just stupidity and idiocracy that toppled over any sense of recognition.

I don't hate you. I pity you.

Claiming to be a man when you can't even face the consequences of your actions.

Despite showing signs of maturity, when it comes to this you are still as immature as I initially thought.

I was a fool to believe that you are a man of your words.

the line, “pipiliin ka sa araw-araw" over‚

“mamahalin ka sa araw-araw”.

Maybe because love is not guaranteed every day. The level‚ intensity‚ kilig‚ and purity of love will never be the same every day but despite all of this‚ I will still choose you.

Choosing someone is very different from loving someone because choosing someone means that despite of what or how you feel‚ to the highest and lowest points of life‚ you will still choose them.

Anyone can say that they love you‚ but not everyone can choose you when things around you get so difficult. The reality of love is to always choose that person over anything.

Hindi araw-araw masaya‚ hindi araw-araw mahal natin ang isa’t-isa pero sana araw-araw piliin natin manatili sa tabi ng bawat isa.

Hindi man kita mahal sa araw-araw‚

pipiliin kita sa araw-araw through our thick and thin.

- Oman •December 9,2023•

“I love you” are words that I used to say to you. “I love you with all of my heart” is the sentence that I used to say without any doubt. “Goodbye” is now what it comes down to. I want to explain everything, to say that I am sorry because I am. I know what I did was wrong in so many ways but I didn’t do it without a valid reason. For 3 years, I have had so many reasons to leave but I didn’t. For 3 years I have bottled up everything that I wish that I could change about you. For 3 years I tolerated everything wrong people saw in you for one simple thing, and that’s because I loved you. To me you were a dream a come true. But not all dreams are rainbows and butterflies. Our story was a love that was supposed to end in a happy ending, but I did all the wrong things and hurt you. You have to also understand that I did what I did without a valid reason. I loved you  but love isn’t enough to continue this relationship. I felt free but also trapped. I don’t know who I am when I’m with you because it felt like I was pretending. I can’t be myself around you for the fact that you hate it when I get loud and overly chatty. I hate the fact that I can’t be who I am because I know that you don’t like it. In our 3 years I changed who I am to suit your definition of a perfect woman. I got tired to the point that I can’t love myself anymore and I want to love myself again. To be confident in my own skin and embrace the imperfections in my body and soul. I told you all the things that I hated about you and you did the same. But I was the only one to change. You didn’t do a single thing to compromise and change your behavior and I embraced that. For 3 years I made myself to believe that you could still change. Because I changed for you. I hid who I was to make you happy.  I’m sorry for hurting you but I’m not sorry I did it. Countless talks of what to change about each other yet in the end I was still the only one to make them. I got tired. I got fed up.  I loved you before but that love turned into hatred.  Make me look bad in the eyes of your family and friends I don’t care. That’s your story. I know that I did hurt you. But you killed me. 

You killed who I am and who I was to be your perfect girlfriend. 

So go ahead and hate on me, tell stories with exaggerated details - because that’s your story.