Um... I need more fluffy Mammon and Lucifer. I’m not exactly sure of the circumstances I want, but here’s my basic idea: of course Mammon wants to be like Lucifer, but he doesn’t that he can be, no matter how hard he tries. He desperately wants Lucifer’s approval after everything he’s done. One day (of circumstances I’m not sure of, sorry) Mammon goes somewhere alone and just spills out his thoughts while talking to himself. Lucifer overhears and fluffy brother moment time.
'Cause loving you, loving you is too hard (All I do, all I do's not enough)
includes: mammon & lucifer, you & mammon
wc: 2k | rated t | m.list | cross-posted on ao3
warnings: arguing/fighting, pushing, crying, cursing, hurt/comfort, angst
a/n: this isn't as fluffy as it perhaps could have been, but i hope i included enough to satisfy you, haha. thank you for requesting!!title from drive by oh wonder. my inbox is open to chat, leave feedback, or for a very limited time, matchups, but reqs are temporarily closed!!
“Don’t give me that shit.” Mammon stood. “I’m telling you I can’t! I can’t do it, and I can’t make you love me, and I’ve accepted that!”
“You think I don't love you?”
“Weren’t you listening?” Mammon asked. “Obviously.”
All of the anger drained out of Lucifer’s shoulders, leaving him looking defeated. “I’ve failed you. I’ve failed you as a brother, as a caretaker. If I’ve made you think I don't love you, then I’ve committed a grievous error.”
“What?” Mammon didn’t understand.
Mammon had always looked up to Lucifer. His older brother was a paragon of perfection, both as an angel and a demon.
And before, before the fall, Lucifer had loved Mammon back, had given him his time and positive attention, had truly been deserving of Mammon’s respect.
But now there was none of that. All of that attention Mammon so desperately craved went to his brothers, went to Levi, and Asmo, and Beel, and the others, leaving Mammon behind. It wasn’t fair. And nothing Mammon did seemed to help him get it back.
He wasn’t upset at his brothers for having that attention, of course, how could he, when being something Lucifer was proud of was addicting. Being seen as something to be proud of in Lucifer’s eyes was an achievement within itself, and Mammon knew all too well how desperately they wanted to hold onto it.
It hurt, not that Mammon was going to say anything. They were all shit at communication, and anyway, was there even any guarantee Lucifer was even going to listen to him? Yeah, probably not.
So Mammon switched tactics. Before, he had tried so to be good, the best, but that hadn’t worked, and still wasn’t working. So, new plan. If Lucifer wasn’t going to see how hard Mammon tried, should Mammon even try?
No.
Leaning into his sin, Mammon allowed greed to build up inside of him, festering as he continued to foster his new act. There was something thrilling about doing something wrong, something that went against Lucifer’s wishes, and the best part was that it felt so right.
And for a little while, it worked. When Mammon would come home late, smelling like the casinos, Lucifer would look at him, give him attention.
Mammon wondered how fucked up he was. He’d happily take getting yelled at and punished over nothing, and wasn’t that something unexpected.
Some of his other brothers noticed something was wrong, but Mammon was nothing if not stubborn, so he ignored their attempts, proclaiming nothing was wrong, everything was just dandy. They didn’t believe him, of course, but greed and envy are so similar, and the part of Mammon that resented them, the part of himself Mammon hated, allowed him to push them away and move on.
But, too soon, Mammon’s misbehaving became the new norm and Lucifer stopped giving him attention again. Not even when Mammon acted out wildly. He’d just shake his head and sigh, resigned.
And Mammon? Well, he didn’t know what to do. He was caught up in his new life, stuck in a pattern of bad behavior. Did he even want to stop?
He found a sort of ally in Satan who only tolerated him due to their mutual dislike for Lucifer, though most of the time he was barely tolerated. He’d take it though, as it was something, at least.
(At night, once the casinos and clubs were closed and Mammon was left alone in the dark, he hated. Hated himself, hated Lucifer, hated the fall for making him this way. He hated the dark too, which was considered strange for a demon, but Mammon didn’t care, choosing to instead surround himself with bright and flashy lights, keeping those thoughts at bay to the best of his ability.
He didn’t sleep much anymore.)
Then you arrived, and Lucifer’s attention was diverted from his brothers, from Diavolo, and placed onto you. He wanted to resent you.
But he couldn’t, not when you put Lucifer second, and him first. First! He loved it, reveling in your attention, and while it was good, great, there was still something missing. It was lovely, but it wasn’t Lucifer’s.
You seemed to get that without him even having to say anything, but thankfully, you never brought it up, instead redoubling your efforts to show him you cared.
And it was good for a while. Mammon stopped acting out, Lucifer stopped glaring at him all of the time, and everyone was getting along.
Then you had to go back to the human realm and Mammon didn’t know what to do with himself. He didn’t really want to go out, but he couldn't stay in the house, the dark house, where everyone was mourning the loss of you.
So out he went, back to the casinos that welcomed him with open arms. it felt like coming home, but undeniably hallow.
It hurt.
Everything came to a head when the school council needed to make a decision and Lucifer was in the angel realm. He was unavailable and couldn’t be brought back, and the decision was time-sensitive.
According to Devildom procedure, the next in the chain of command would step in. And in this case, Mammon would, since he was the second eldest. He didn't want to, oh, how he didn't want to, but there was no getting around it.
Considering the case, Mammon ignored all of his instincts and thought about Lucifer. What would Lucifer have chosen?
Making his decision, Mammon waited with bated breath for the whole ordeal to be over.
When Lucifer came back, Mammon said nothing about having to step up, hoping no one else would reveal it either. However, he knew he was out of luck when Lucifer stormed into the living room, eyes glowing red.
“Mammon, how could you have made that decision without consulting me! Even if I was unavailable to come personally I could have advised you what to do, yet you apparently thought you could just go and make the right one by yourself?” Lucifer went in, guns blazing. “It was bad enough that you, of all people, had to take over my position, but to see you have the audacity to think you’re always right?”
Mammon shrunk in on himself. He had been so sure he had made the right decision.
At this point, some of the others stepped in, but Mammon turned tail and fled, finding himself in your old room. It was practically untouched but looked so different.
He wished he could talk to you.
“It’s so unfair,” Mammon started, pacing around. “I try and I try and I try, but it’s never good enough for him! When will I be good enough for him? That’s all I’ve ever wanted and yet it’ll never happen.” Letting out a derisive laugh, Mammon continued. “I dunno what to do, anymore. I mean, is it even worth it to try?”
Sitting down on your bed, Mammon feels his eyes prick. “Of fuckin’ course I’m crying. God, I’m such a weaklin’. No wonder Lucifer doesn’t love me. I practically deserve it. Maybe I should just go. Get out of here and never come back. They’d all be better for it. I’m just taking up space.”
Using his sleeve to wipe his nose, Mammon curls in on himself. “I wish I was never brought to life. Woulda saved us all a bunch of trouble.”
There was a short inhale from the doorway. Mammon looked up, ready to snap at whoever it was to leave him alone, but to his surprise and shame, it was Lucifer.
“What?” Mammon snapped, voice breaking.
“Do… you really think that?” Lucifer asked, and Mammon let out another bitter, tear-stained laugh.
“What do you think? After all, I’ve never been given evidence on the contrary.”
Lucifer stepped into the room, approaching him. “Mammon,” he said, laying a hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t touch me!” Mammon yelled, shoving him away. “Don’t fucking touch me!”
Lucifer’s face showed open, unadulterated surprise. “Mammon, please.”
“What do you want from me, Lucifer?” Mammon was screaming, but he didn’t stop. “You never tell me, yet you always expect me to make the right decision! I’m held to an impossible standard, yet half the time I don’t even know what that standard is!”
“I only hold you to that standard because I think you can reach it,” Lucifer tried, but Mammon cut him off.
“Don’t give me that shit.” Mammon stood. “I’m telling you I can’t! I can’t do it, and I can’t make you love me, and I’ve accepted that!”
“You think I don't love you?”
“Weren’t you listening?” Mammon asked. “Obviously.”
All of the anger drained out of Lucifer’s shoulders, leaving him looking defeated. “I’ve failed you. I’ve failed you as a brother, as a caretaker. If I’ve made you think I don't love you, then I’ve committed a grievous error.”
“What?” Mammon didn’t understand.
“Mammon,” Lucifer said, voice raw. “I love you. So much. And I’m so, so sorry I made you think anything different. I’ve been terrible to you, of course, you think I hate you. Hell, you should hate me. I’m so sorry.”
“You say this but your actions tell a different story,” Mammon accused.
Looking pained, Lucifer took Mammon’s spot on your bed. “When we fell-”
“Nope, don’t want to hear this,” Mammon said, and Lucifer flinched.
“Please, let me explain.” Mammon was grudgingly silent, and Lucifer took it as permission to go on. “When we fell, I felt like I had failed you. Dragged my baby brother down with me, took everything he had going for him and ruined it. I was overcome by guilt, and losing Lilith certainly didn’t help. And Satan sprang to life, and I was completely out of my depth. And you, who was a reminder of everything I had done wrong, were so young. I couldn’t bear to look at you.” Taking a deep breath, Lucifer continued. “I got it all twisted up in my head that you hated me, resented me for doing this to you, turning you into a monster. And then when you began to give into your sin I thought it confirmation of my thoughts. And I didn’t know what to do. Then I began the first of a very long line of mistakes, well, not the first considering everything before this point, but you know what I mean, and it unfortunately led us to here. Here, where you think I don’t love you.”
Seeing Lucifer, who was normally so poised and composed lose that composure was a new experience for Mammon.
“And you seemed to get along well with Satan, and MC, and I felt as if I was not needed. As if I would only make it worse. I see now my inaction was the thing to make it worse. Can you find it within yourself to forgive me?”
Mammon shrugged. “I dunno. We’re pretty fucked up and I don't know if one talk is goin’ to fix it all.”
“That’s fair,” Lucifer responded. “But Mammon, know I am extremely proud of you and your choices and that I love you very much. I’ll definitely work on expressing that. Also, I want you to know you chose right in your decision, and it was unfair of me to assume otherwise, especially when I was unaware of the full situation.”
“You asshole,” Mammon half-laughed, half-cried. “God, you’re such a dick.”
“Yeah,” Lucifer admitted. “But I’ll work on it. Would you like me to take my leave and give you some space?”
“No, dickwad.” Mammon rolled his eyes. “Get over here and give me a hug.”
Lucifer jumped to comply, his arms wrapping around Mammon, holding him tightly. Mammon hugged him back, feeling very much like a little kid but loving it at the same time. Lucifer trembled, and Mammon tactfully didn’t point it out, as he was sure he was trembling too.
After a moment, it became overwhelming and Mammon pushed him off lightly, stepping back. Lucifer’s eyes were red, this time for a completely different reason, and Mammon watched as he wiped at them.
“Let's get out of here,” Mammon said, suddenly feeling kind of weird about being in your room. “Don’t think this is over though. You owe me, big time.”
“Anything,” Lucifer promised, and Mammon heard the finality and certainty ringing in his tone. Lucifer wasn’t known for going back on his word, so Mammon thought maybe things would get better, at least a little bit. At least they understood each other a little better.
“Well, you can start by giving me Goldie back,” Mammon half-joked, blinking in surprise when a gold card was suddenly in front of his face. Taking it silently and shoving it into his pocket, Mammon imagined the possibilities this opened up.
Yeah, he thought. If it all continues this way, things may not be so bad.
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