For When I Need A Distraction

[lawyer voice] mothers and fuckers of the jury-

DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I THINK ABOUT THIS POST??? IM IN LAW SCHOOL THIS POST IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE

tHERE ARE MEMES IN THOSE HIEROGLYPHICS

The tumblrest sentence I have ever seen

Sometimes you really need a good personality on your staff.

I still won't forget when my wisdom tooth got infected and couldn't sleep bc the pain was so bad and I took like 4 of those those blue gel ibuprofens and I finally fell asleep for a couple hours and kept having dreams about beautiful glowing blue animals that help you and I kept waking up thinking the blue animals will help me and realizing wait what are blue animals they aren't real and immediately falling back asleep thinking about the blue animals again

my cat just came up and meowed very loudly and insistently and even nipped at my leg and when i was like "FINE" and got up to follow her she led me to the next room where a patch of sun was coming in. she wanted me to sit in the sun with her.

sunbathe with her Or Else

"Come Get some Vitamin D, bitch, I'm doing this for our mental wellness!!" -Your cat provably

11. is just a really sweet person 12. no really my dad worked with him on firewall as the tech advisor and he was just a really swell guy 13. got my mom’s birth date from my dad and sent her flowers 14. he sent my mom flowers for her birthday 15. he didn’t even know her he just wanted to be sweet

this was a beautiful and necessary edition to this post thank you oh my god

Awwwww

When he was asked to be in Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” video, in which he pulled up alongside them in a car and gave Jimmy a little wink and an air-kiss, when he showed up at the set he looked kind of put out. Kimmel was afraid he wasn’t down with what they were asking. But he just said, “I don’t know, this wardrobe…don’t you have anything mesh that I could wear?”

Local Carpenter Stumbles Into Stardom, Worries This May Interfere With His Carpentry

This cat puts up with so much

im gods weakest faggot

i’m gods strongest tranny let’s team up. what if we called ourselves team rocket

im gods most literate cat can i join

I’m a straight up mob boss with a lioness for a pet, you’re all hired.

my yellow rat and I find this really offensive and problematic

wobbuffet

NEVER MIND, I FOUND IT!!!

It’s only fitting that this gets reblogged today

This is the only eagle that deserves reblogging on the 4th

if i had seen the transition from sepia to color in wizard of oz in 1939 i would have lost my shit i would've started screaming in the theater

The technique of switching between double and main actor without an edit is called a Texas Switch and it's still used today, it's very neat to have something so simple yet tricky persist pretty much just because it genuinely looks better to do it with timing than with editing.