Nervous Feet and Heart of Stone

I wish people understood the attractive power of just being a fuckin sweetheart. Like I’m sitting across from this total doll asking me interesting questions and genuinely wanting to know all my thoughts and I am just thinking about getting home and fucking. His. Brains. Out.

Ready to stop feeling like such a raw open wound

I think maybe I’m not actually poly 🙃🙃🙃

Definitely in the best relationship I’ve ever been in right now. Like I am pretty sure (terrifying) that this is my person. But I keep making myself feel guilty for then by extension putting down my other relationships?? Get it together Kathy.

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to date me, it’s me making cheez its (because they’re your favorite) from scratch to have in the car when I pick you up from the airport, as well as prepping a cozy dinner to cook when we get home while you get settled back in

I try and find a lesson in all of my failed relationships but there’s one that I just don’t think taught me anything and really just left me deeply hurt

A thing about being poly is that like I obviously currently have very solid wonderful relationships but I am ALSO incredibly thirsty for Attention From New People at the moment and uhhh. Makes me feel greedy and kind of ungrateful tbh lol

I hate how often I have bad feelings about things that turn out to be dead on.

I cannot experience any feeling that is not strictly positive without immediately shaming myself for it and it is exhausting having emotions is exhausting and processing feelings is exhausting I am beyond absolutely drained and I hate not having answers to things and all I am right now is stuck stuck stuck. I have not seen my best friend or my family in 2 years I am always afraid my father is going to die of covid because he won’t get vaccinated I am not paid nearly enough for the work that I do I cannot get validation in the ways that I need I want to sleep forever

I started seeing someone I like so much I can’t get enough of them. We’re so similar it just doesn’t make any sense but it’s so sick. I’ve worn one of their shirts twice this week because I miss how they smell constantly. I’m in this weird obsessive stage and I’m trying to keep myself in check because I know historically that’s been Bad For Me but also fuck it who cares we’re all gonna die might as well have a great time while I can

Listen. Guys. Back from the void to say: I am.... so thirsty to have someone fully submit to me. Like all of the anxiety and pressure and intense uncertainty of the world right now and not being able to see people... I just want to spit on and beat a man and force my foot in his mouth and have complete control and I CAN’T because there’s a PANDEMIC and touching is ILLEGAL. I am so thirsty to dom I could cry.

Having a birthday dinner with my roomates and partner last night. Roomie asked me what I was most proud of from the last year. Honestly it’s the fact that I got to peg a specific person and uhhhh. That’s not an answer she would be open to hearing so I could not tell her.

Here are my Virus Crisis concerns rn: am I still gonna get paid because I really can’t do my job from home and I just met somebody I’d really like to make out with more but now seeing other people is illegal so

I got to fuck someone I’d had my eye on for A While and I thought that would help me get the crush out of my system but no. I am. Still just as thirsty it seems.