how strange it is to be anything at all

Among others. It was bat fucking shit insane and I let this man berate me for hours because I thought I truly was shit and deserved it. Now I can't get any of this out of my head. It just keeps replaying and I've been so depressed. I feel like I wasted years. Years on this bullshit. And I'm angry that I'm angry. I'm really fucking pissed that he's taking up literally any of my head space at all, much less that my head space is filled with actual, crazy, and even hypothetical accusations. I just don't know how to find peace in this. This happened at the beginning of June I think, and I hate, so fucking much, that I am still thinking about this, while he can just move on. I'm not fucking mean, I'm certainly not mean when I fight and I should've just gone in on him too. For fucks sake.