You know your mum’s crazy if she expects you to e-mail her a minimum of five paragraphs every day. What the hell do I even write about? It’s not like I’m planning on telling her about my binge watch on penguin documentaries in full detail.

If I hear any facts about penguins on this tour, Luke. I swear good things will not happen to you, mate.

Am I really, Michael? I usually just tour for the food and babes.

I can’t wait for my sleeping schedule to get fucked!