no bad mojo!

An absolute circus, you say? Time for me to grab some clown makeup from Party City. Unless you tell me that there’s something that I can do in order to not get completely fucked over by the stars, I might as well accept my fate.

Well, it’s time to bring out the clown paint and hold on for dear life, buddy, ‘cause there’s no changin’ the stars.

Not Mercury going into retrograde. Let’s pray that things aren’t going to be as bad as we think it’s going to be. Fingers crossed at least.

You’re comin’ on the 31st, right? I mean I’m not doin’ any planning, but I’m pretty sure something’s bound to happen, so... just making sure you’re calendar’s clear.

Okay but for someone who isn’t a mystical genius and doesn’t plan on celebrating halloween this year…they should be safe right?

Besides your big 1-8 is infinitely more important and I’m pretty sure there’s a rule written somewhere that it needs to be celebrated in some kind of way…possibly with a gift or two??

Yeah. Maybe. Relatively. Short of it is Mercury retrograde’s out to get us all, but more so, it’s out to punish people like me for our hubris. We know way too damn much.

Merrick: It’s okay. It’s nothing I don’t know already.

Merrick: What do you want for your birthday, then? Sleepover at Casa Wood? Or Lake Casa Wood? Scary movies and a ouija board and cheap wine coolers?

Gigi: bought a new ouija board that could use some breaking in

Gigi: so that sounds like a perfect plan

Gigi: fingers crossed no one fucking gets slasher murdered before though

Merrick: Of course I have. And her. Neither of them will admit it and neither will ask me to walk away and I’m too selfish to do it until they ask.

Merrick: I promise you they were not thinking about the position of the stars and the planets when they went to hook up. Only you do that. But I’m not surprised.

Merrick: How much worse could it get?

Gigi: the last time saturn was in conjunction with pluto, AIDs popped up out of nowhere so.... ..

Gigi: i doubt either of them will

Gigi: they love you, merr. without a doubt more than they love each other

Gigi: shit that doesnt make things any better does it

Merrick: It doesn’t, really. Because I know him well enough to know he’s making this his fault. And that Holly would comfort him.

Merrick: It’s fine. My love life is the least of our issues. It’s just...been kinda nice, disappearing.

Merrick: It wasn’t a terrible idea. I mean, how many times have they gotten away with it before?

Gigi: i really dk what to say to that

Gigi: have u talked to him?

Gigi: genuinely hope u had a blast. after everything that's happened, at least one of us should be able 2 have a good time it's like.. karmic law or some shit

Gigi: i mean sure but not with the cranes so close by. and not at the peak of the saturn-pluto conjunction.

Gigi: not to mention the shit that's abt to go down on 2020 when jupiter comes in the mix.

Merrick: I think that Whitney yields more power than they like to believe she does.

Merrick: Honestly? I figured I’d have to watch Logan realize he’s in love with Holly and I didn’t really want to be there for that.

Merrick: You know we can always do that. I’ll put the best trashy pop mix together for the Halloween party I don’t even feel like throwing anymore. Maybe we should just do something for your bday. Just the girls.

Gigi: yeah im

Gigi: tired

Gigi: listen. if it helps ur peace of mind any, logan wasnt even around most of the party

Merrick: I mean, they had to listen to my mom read the Norris’ the riot act. I’d like to think that they’d think twice before sending Brad away.

Merrick: Whitney’s a nightmare to be an enemy of. Has anyone even seen Logan’s parents around since he moved in with us???

Merrick: I knew something bad was gonna happen. This is why I didn’t wanna go. Just figured it’d be something more like, superficial.

Gigi: whitney's a force to be reckoned with but do u really think there'd be separation of church and state??? in this good catholic town?

Gigi: there'd be riots before whitney even thinks to lynch the cranes

Gigi: what'd u think would happen

Merrick: Fuck.

Merrick: They wouldn’t do anything to them, right? I mean, grounding Bradley is stupid enough but nothing worse than that?

Gigi: i had a nightmare once of brad getting sent to a convent

Gigi: wc.... is a big possibility now

Gigi: idk if the cranes would throw away brad's college plans just like that though

Merrick: What the fuck happened? Is everyone okay? Do we need to come back?

Gigi: idk. im still a bit out of it

Gigi: it's been p quiet so far. logan and bradley aren't responding and i haven't heard from the pastor or his wife since

I get that. It’s like the world is spinning on it’s axis. Or like we’re living in an alternate universe. Are you at least getting some kind of rest?

I don’t think that would have made a difference, honestly. I mean I talked to her at the lock in too and she seemed fine. There was nothing that gave any inkling to her leaving. I don’t know - its like we don’t know anything anymore.

Nah, but that’s nothing new. I’ve been having nightmares the past... what--- two months?

Don’t think you get away with abandoning me in my time of need with a picture of my dream future, Georgia King. I am very, very angry with you. 

Okay, not you so much as the situation. It was still super not cool of you two to bounce with absolutely no fucking word of where you were, though. I had to deal with Whitney in near hysterics when she realized her precious daughter wasn’t there, and when people keep disappearing? Very Not Cool. I mean, look. I full named you. Did you even think I knew your full name was Georgia? 

Was worth the shot.

as your very humbled queen,

i’d like you to know that i realize none of you voted for me - i took a look at the card figgins had in his hand and it 100% said queen: holly / runner up: gigi which means that he panicked and just went ‘merrick’s here’, which. fair. i was indeed standing right there confused about where the fuck my sister was just as much as everyone else was. 

but don’t worry, loyal subjects - i am a giving queen and will do what i can to bring pride to this crown. and/or cover for someone if they want to spike the punch on saturday, just sayin’. 

Shit, man. I really don’t know what to say ‘cept I’m glad I was MIA. You’d rock the crown, though. Just think of it as warm-up for the future you deserve: lounging on a chaise with shirtless men feeding you grapes.