i don't really know what to do with me

MERRICKWOOD uploaded a photo to instagram

Logan: we’ve already established that you’re pissed at me. that’s not the point right now.

Logan: you’re mad at me for what i did? fine. but you can’t chew me out for handling things the way i did and then fucking shut me out when i offer to do anything else.

Logan: there was a time when i thought you knew me better than anyone else, that you were the only person who understood how all-consuming my anger can be. and i get that you’ve been angry lately — hell, there’s been plenty of reasons to be. but if you think your anger and mine are the same, maybe you don’t know me as well as i thought you did.

Merrick: When we were together, I had an outlet. You took it out on me as much as I took it out on you. I don’t have that anymore. I can’t do that with Ethan. And maybe my anger isn’t the same, but it’s not not the same either, Logan.

Merrick: But I know how yours works. You see red, and your skin feels tight, and you need to bruise and bleed and make someone feel the pain inside of you so you can let it out.

Merrick: [ UNSENT ] Holly’ll never do for you what I could with that.

Merrick: I’m just pissed that you did this. That you put yourself in danger when you didn’t need to be. That you have to even contemplate that you could have killed him.

Logan: stop being fucking petty, merrick. if you don't want my help, fine. at least i offered.

Logan: but if you're so pissed at me for ruining your plan in the first place, maybe it might be a good idea to tell me what the fuck it is so that i don't ruin it some more with my uncontrollable anger issues.

Merrick: Now who’s being petty?

Merrick: I’m pissed at you because you went to fight at something you didn’t need to again. Because you tried to be the hero again. Because you’re interfering in something you don’t /need/ to.

Holly: fine...if thats what you think...fine.

Holly: all i did was leave school.

Holly: and dont sit there on your high horse and tell me about how selfish i am - i know im selfish Merrick we all are.

Logan: you had ethan. she only had me and i wasn't there for her. but it doesn't matter whose fault it is, what's done is done.

Logan: then your parents will still protect our friends if they decide to retaliate in response to my little stunt. i can't take back what i did, and i know it was all sorts of stupid and reckless, but i don't regret it.

Logan: although, if you don't mind telling me what your plan is, maybe i can be useful for something other than beating a guy to death.

Logan: i could live with it though, if it came down to it. if it meant you guys would be safe.

Merrick: Having Ethan doesn’t mean that losing you made me feel better.

Holly: stop attacking me because i made a decision you dont agree with.

Holly: Because I'm miserable Merrick and I'm trying to figure out a way not to be. [unsent]

Holly: the squad has Coach G, Wagner and Chloe they dont need me and no one but you seems to care what parties or social events i miss. So yeah i didnt see the point of prolonging the inevitable. What's it matter if i start distancing myself now or in six months time? The end result will still be the same.

Merrick: How can someone so smart be so fucking stupid?

Logan: that kinda makes it my mess though. if i'd handled the amelia situation better, she wouldn't have spiralled, and then ethan wouldn't have gotten caught up in it.

Logan: your parents will protect you, but what about lulu? ethan would do anything they asked if they threatened her. i just made sure they knew what would happen if they tried.

Logan: and what makes you so sure i'm not? i could claim it was a self-defense killing. it'd be the truth. pretty sure it's kill or be killed with those guys.

Merrick: No, that makes is Amelia’s fault if it’s anyone else’s. She couldn’t handle rejection. I didn’t go off and start blowing racist dickbags when we broke up.

Merrick: My parents will protect anyone important to me. Look at Garland - my mom hid her for months. I had a /plan/.

Logan: he's my best friend! my brother! i'm gonna be there for him whether he asks me to be or not.

Logan: i hate to break it to you, but ethan put all of us at risk the moment he decided to get involved with those guys. they might have let him go for now, but they would have used you or lulu to pull him right back in if they ever changed their minds.

Logan: armed with your dad's gun or not, you going after them would have been a terrible idea, because that's not the kind of person you are. but i am.

Logan: i know, but it turns out i'm a much, much worse person than i ever thought i was.

Merrick: It wasn’t your mess, Logan. And he only got into it in the first place because Amelia was going off the rails and roped him into it. Because he wanted to help her.

Merrick: Good. Let them take me. Do you think my parents are going to let them get away with that? That they won’t take them down, in a legal way?

Holly: leaving school early had nothing to do with running away from who i am.

Merrick: Right.

Holly: so traits we both share then right?

Merrick: I never tried to run from who I am, Holly.

Logan: they won't come after me. they won't touch lori, or ethan, or holly, or you either.

Logan: [UNSENT] i'll kill them if they try.

Logan: look, for what it's worth, i'm sorry i fucked up your plan, but i couldn't just sit by and do nothing.

Logan: but also fuck you, merrick. it feels like all you ever do since we broke up is take digs at my anger issues and i'm fucking sick of it.

Merrick: Yes, you could! This wasn’t about you! You didn’t need to be involved in this at all! He didn’t ask you to be and you don’t always need to save everyone else!

Merrick: When your anger issues potentially hurt the rest of our friends, I’m gonna call you out on it. Do you think I’m not fucking livid about what happened? That they used him and hurt him and that I don’t want to take one of my dads guns and do something about it?

Holly: doctor aspirations and coffee addiction do not the same person make.

Holly: im nothing like dad.

Merrick: Quiet, studious, focused on career only and pushing aside everyone else, impulsive with terrible decision making capabilities, addicts, frequently blind to the pain you both make

Holly: for dad...but if i picked up a java or two for myself while i was there it was only because Rosie insisted.

Logan: are you really that naive? do you really think this was it — that they'd let him go after one last job and a beating to hell?

Logan: they would've made his life hell anyway. at least now they know there'll be consequences if they do.

Merrick: We had it taken care of. I had a plan in place, and now you’ve fucked it up.

Holly: pretty sure coffee addiction can be added to the list of faults my dad has accumulated over the years...I've been sent to Rosies six times already.

Holly: also send me all your unwanted homework - im going through some sort of withdrawal.

Merrick: For dad, or for you?