Organized Anxiety

I’ve quietly snuck back here.

And in doing so have been going through my archive and posting things.

That time I was quoted about an ex in Time Out New York.

Dear Interweb,

It has come to my attention that a few, by few I mean all, people who come across this blog will be unsatisfied with the lack of posts that actually mean something. Some might raise their fists at their screens in anger, others will un-bookmark this page, and a select few might actually take pity and realize it’s “one of those months”. The editor would like to issue a statement concerning this problem, in a feeble attempt to avoid being judged greatly by the people that browse the interweb for connection, or something of worth.

This is the statement. Will not this per say but what you are reading. Words get in the way. The editor has issues. Like most people. And the editor is trying to deal with it by listening to music, reading, and drawing. Things that don’t really merit good blogging when all you listen to is Joshua Radin over and over or read Nylon over and over. Or draw lines in an attempt to make something beautiful.

The editor is frustrated. The editor is tired. The editor is unhappy.

The editor also knows it’s just “one of those days”.

But will not apologize for all of this.

Because the editor is human. And has emotions.

Contrary to popular belief.

Hopefully the editor will be back to “normal” soon.

For the editors roommates sake.

Signed.

I’ve never really thought about where I learned to be a girl. It’s hard to just pinpoint a few places, people or situations that taught be “this is what girls do”. Truth is I am constantly learning and re-evaluating what is to be a girl.

From my family I learned that a girl should know how to cook from scratch and that recipes get passed down from generation to generation. I learned that after big dinners, even though the women cooked, they also clean up while the guys drink coffee and talk. I learned that women do indoor cleaning and men do the outdoor things. I learned that girls always look a little bit nicer than the boys when going to church. I learned that my cousin couldn’t hit me because I was a girl and he was a boy.

At school I learned that girls are good at writing and boys are good at math. I learned that boys vs. girls would be something that would haunt me for the rest of my life. I learned that boys didn’t play nice, but girls didn’t either. I learned that as a girl I had to keep up with fashion and the “it” things. I learned how to dot my “i"s with hearts when passing notes. I learned the art of writing love notes to boys and that they don’t like "mushy gushy things”. I learned that boys burp and fart and that’s cool, but not when girls do it.

From the media I learned that midriffs were in, but then out. I saw that tattoos on the lower back where popular, but later would be called “the tramp stamp”. I learned that women should be alluring, the girl next door, accessible, irresistible, dangerous, pleasant, non-questioning, bold, quaint, nice, fighters and bootylicious. Boys should fight over you, and defend your honor. They should also pay for everything on dates, but going dutch is fine too. I learned that girls can enter in any field they want, but to expect backlash. I learned that the balance between being successful in the business world and in one’s personal life is something that people stuggle with every day of their life.

From my friends I learned about what girls talk about, mainly boys and appearance. I learned that girls play “cute” video games, and shouldn’t sweat. I learned that you don’t eat a lot on dates, and beauty can be painful. I learned what I had to look like to get certain parts in shows and that I could not get into a show if I wasn’t “pretty” enough. I learned the girl code and that girls can be the most vicious creatures alive. On the flip side I learned that my girl friends could be the sisters I never had. They taught me that “it’s that time of the month” can be the perfect excuse to get out of anything.

From my jobs I learned that you act differently around male co-workers then you do around female co-workers, and that it’s the females you should be careful around. I learned that customers, parents, children would treat me differently. I learned that the expectations on how I would do my job were partly based on my gender, not my qualifications. I learned that because I was a girl I was supposed to know how to do certain things, and when I didn’t know, it was as if I failed at being a girl.

I’ve learned a lot of things that contradict something I’ve been taught before. I’ve taken what I’ve learned and either gone along with it, or against it. I’ve tried to use the “but I am a girl” excuse and rolled my eyes at others who have also used that excuse. What I decide to apply from everything I’ve learned depends on the situation. There are times when being able to cook and sew are valuable, but being able to use tools and fix things are also things you should know.

inspired by what i wrote somewhere else and my friend suggested that i write a sort of horror movie cliche list.

this will be edited as i re-watch horror/slasher/thriller movies.

so here we go. with one cliche at a time. in no particular order.

1. ALWAYS have extra batteries.

2. Children are almost always the gateway to hell.

3. Dogs are usually the least of your problems.

4. If you are a virgin and are about to lose it, you will die.

5. If you like to be in your unmentionables, you will die.

6. If you are dating someone, one of you will die.

7. If you have a good screaming voice, you just might make it.

8. ALWAYS have a full tank of gas, and then a full gas can in the back of your car.

9. ALWAYS have faith.

10. Darkness is NEVER a good thing.

11. Pathetic Fallacy is always a fave.

12. Ghosts can not be killed. You must first make the mortal and then kill them.

13. Balcony’s are not your friend.

14. If you are in a foreign country, you are screwed.

15. Beware of the old lady.

16. Don’t look in the closet. But if you do chances are the first time you won’t see anything. But the second time something will be there. or someone.

17. If you see or hear things chances are you are the only one and chances are you’re being stalked by a supernatural being.

18. Being alone = death

19. Don’t go exploring. But if you must don’t go alone.

20. Empty houses are bad.

21. Mirrors are not a good thing to have.

22. Sometimes what you can’t see is worse than what you can.

23. When it comes to choosing between an elevator or the stairs, pick your favorite because either way you are screwed.

24. There is no safe zone.

25. Technology can get you killed.

26. Don’t trust your eyes.

27. The monsters are in fact under your bed and in your closet.

28. Beware of 3.00.

29. If your watch stops, that’s a bad thing.

holler. after on month i’ve made it on the Tumblettes page.

but i can’t get a paying acting job.

my mom would be so proud.