THANATOPHOBIA

                  words are spoken in such a way that his lips part , corners of his lips twitching as mason kept his gaze on esmeralda - if he were to , he’d probably ruin their friendship , allow himself to close the gap between them right there , do the one thing he’s toying with in his mind , risk it - kiss her , but he doesn’t - holds back from giving in , from doing the one thing he feared would ruin the friendship. she’s too good for him , too good for this world , for valdez - and she deserved so much better. yet he’s completely oblivious as of what flashes through her mind once he’s suggested the dinner , doesn’t know the things she pictures , or how much she truly wants this - wants that , for him to go out , on a date - but her words , they only cause him to bite down onto his bottom lip , the corners of his lips twitching. this banter , it’s what he lives for - to have such a conversation with the femme - addicted to her presence. it’s something he knows he is , somehow ends up texting her whenever they’re not together , bugs her - wants nothing more but to hear her voice - he cares too much , knows he shouldn’t considering his status , but setting the caito mansion on fire and coming right here , heading to see her , just proves with who his loyalty stood. he’d do anything to protect her , to make sure she’d remain safe - fuck he’d KILL anyone who dared to hurt her , he’d KILL for her , would DIE for her and that’s a fact. if he had to take a bullet to the head to make sure she was safe , if it ensured she’d never get hurt , he’d fucking take it. “  oh so you’re suggesting we should .  .  . ??  ” tone of voice clearly hints at one thing only , - he’s toying with the idea , the way his eyes gaze into her own - they’re friends , just friends - and he toys with the idea , but he wouldn’t do that to her - god she wasn’t just some girl , it was esmeralda for the love of god , and he cares more than he’ll ever admit. he cares , cares so fucking much. it only seems like the playful banter was not stopping any time soon , lips curled into a smirk - his whiskey hues searching her features - he refuses to hate her , refuses to do the one thing he’s meant to do. it doesn’t matter , that they’re cobras and savages - “  but you know i was trynna impress you. see ?? it worked , i got your attention - all to myself now too.  ” shameless flirting , - truth is , if he were to see her with anyone else he’d try to let it not bother him , but a part of him would find itself wishing to take the other’s place , be good enough - give her what she deserved , a life away from all this drama. “  you’re the only esme in my life , will always be.  ” his gaze is stuck upon the reflection of the mirror , feeling her cheek against his own , nuzzling her face against his - it would take him two seconds , him tilting his head and close the gap between the two , to kiss her - two seconds - but he doesn’t , stops himself from doing so. “   but y’know , i’m sure i don’t have to say anything for you to know where i’m thinking -  ” nonstop teasing , and he doesn’t seem to realise how she feels - is only tempting , playing - when deep down he knows he craves the sight of esmeralda , craves the taste , the feel - simply craves her. he’d be a liar if he said he did not , but there he is - trying his  best to get by in that moment without thinking about it too much - last thing he wants is to get a fucking hard on right there. and then , the tattoo is done - she’s announced , tells him to go and look , and slowly he gets up - reaches for one of the small mirrors , hand raising as his back faced the one behind him - and he’s quiet , lips parting as he took in every little detail , admiring the perfect inking , the lines , the curves - but there’s one thing he spots , fingertips brushing over her signature , - and he says nothing , as he’s looking at her once again , mirror placed onto the counter only to walk towards her , soft chuckle parting his lips - “  you’re a fuckin’ genius.  ” he’s honest , as he wraps his arms around her , his voice softer - grin wide. “ actually a genius , it’s beautiful , i love it. ” and his hand reaches for her own , once again - thumb brushing over her knuckles. he’s not sure what to tell her , he’s mesmerised really , but all he can do is one thing - show his gratitude , thank her - over and over. “  seriously , esme .  .  . thank you.  ”

               he’s listening , waiting for an answer - and the tone of voice isn’t one he’s used to - hearing her voice in such a pitch ; she’s getting smashed , alone ?? “  never said you weren’t , serafina , but .  .  . how much have you had already ??  ” brows furrow , and he’s tempted to ask her once question -  ma che cazzo stai facendo. pearly white teeth sink into his bottom lip , head cocking to the side as she spoke once more , - “  okay , i’m coming over with food yeah ?? -  ” he’s not sure why she’s drinking in the first place , or why she’s called him out of all people ; more so because usually he felt like she hated his guts , no matter how much he liked her. “ any special wishes , serafina ??  ”

         his gaze spots an all too familiar femme - and at first mason finds himself standing there , admiring her from a far , watching her talk to whoever that idiot was - but he’s thinking one thing ; shit she’s beautiful - and he’s left wondering whether or not she was enjoying herself. yet he picks up two of the glasses of champagne , one for her and one for himself - and he moves to stand in between her and whomever she was talking to. “  hope you don’t mind , i got you a drink.  ”and he offers her the glass - his gaze flickering to fall upon her angelic features , tongue darting across his bottom lip. he can feel whoever it was behind him , mutter something - and briefly he looks over his shoulder , glares at the male - quick way of telling him to fuck off - and thank god he listens. “  you look real fuckin’ good , esme.  ” his lips have curled into a grin , flute glass lifted to his lips , a small sip taken - and he takes a step closer , free hand reaching for the small plastic bag of weed hidden away in one of his pockets - “  i’m in the mood for sharin’ so .  .  . wanna smoke ?? ” 

          “   maybe i am -  ” he teased , head cocking to the side as he watched her . “  ‘s a good question but .   .   .  i’m sure we’d find a way , right ?? to make it work .  .  . i still want my v i p. ” teeth sink into his bottom lip as he gazed at the femme , honey dipped hues gazing into her own. he’s clueless , god he’s completely unaware of what went through her mind , what she wanted , what she felt - that it was all about him. love is something he believes he’s not capable for anymore , not since his heart was broken - twice , - since he was made to believe he wasn’t worth of love , that it would only r u i n him , make him w e a k. yet deep down he knows those are all excuses - he fears to care , to grow attached to someone’s being and lose them - to get his heart b r o k e n. it’s a fear he’s not able to shake , a fear that’s been there since the beginning of time. mason knows , knows now more than ever he isn’t m a d e for such a thing , such a feeling - such a life. but he’s already attached , knows that losing esmeralda would wreck him - knowing she was hurt would make him lose his mind. he cares , cares too fucking much - and he’s known her for too long to let anything happen to her , - it didn’t matter if she as a savage , it didn’t fucking matter to him at all - and maybe that made him a hypocrite ; a liar for the shit he’d pulled hours earlier with claire. - the same claire he thought he liked - but things were different , grief was involved - he couldn’t care less about her relationship with aaron either. he’ll get over it , he’ll forget whatever it was that made him so angry in the first place - and if the red head ended up with a bullet between her brows , he’ll only remind himself of one thing - he warned her. his gaze shifts as she speaks , brows arching as she sooke - and as the realization hit her that he’d technically already bought dinner , mason finds himself laughing - his grin widening as he shook his head. “  let me guess , you want the fancy restaurant kind of dinner ?? eat ratatouille and shit - some good lasagne alla bolognese ??  ” his whiskey hues greet her own once more , - it’s true , he’s sure she can see he wants that just as much as her , to spend more time together - but there’s that f e a r , wonders what would happen if anyone were to catch onto the fact that they care more about each other than they should - because as much as his loyalty laid with the cobras , if he knew her life were to be threatened - he’d break protocol , go against his own - and drag her out. anything to protect her , anything to make sure she’d be alright. “  oh but you love it when i misbehave , admit it esme !! you fuckin’ love it.  ” lips have curled into a smirk , his teeth sinking into his bottom lip and then he speaks again , tone of voice teasing as he gazed at her , whiskey hues searching her own. “  i’m sure you can come up with ways to get me to behave , or shut up - who knows.  ” he’s obviously hinting at something , - the look he gives her only confirming it - and while he’s only playing around , he’d be lying if he said he’d never wondered , or allowed his imagination to wander somewhere forbidden. she’s his friend , s u r e , but it’s esmeralda for the love of god and he’s not blind , he’d be lying if he said he didn’t think she was hot - in fact he believed she’s fucking beautiful , but she’ll always be more than some pretty face - would always be. she’s someone he trusts , - someone he’d fucking die for. “  good , because you’re pretty fuckin’ irreplaceable too.  ” and he means it , means every word - but he’s sure she already knows that. she’s a savage , he’s a cobra - they’re supposed to be enemies , but god they’re the fucking opposite and as wrong as it might be in the eyes of many , mason couldn’t bring himself to give a shit. “  a selfie party , nudes party more like it - bad timing though ?? we could always multi task. i’m sure it’d make for some pretty sick pictures , no ?? ” his eyes are on her , watches her every move - and she picks up on that fact , sticks her tongue out , making him chuckle - but then she begins , buzzing gun brought to the flesh of his back , the all too familiar pain beginning - but it’s bearable , bearable because he’s got something to focus on - her.  but then she speaks , and her words only cause his brows to arch , the corners of his lips twitching - smirk widening - he wastes no time in answering either - is already suggesting something else entirely , he’s being a little shit really. “  i mean no .  .  . but i guess it all depends on where it’ll slip.  ” of course he always had to take things out of context , - but the banter was fun , he’s enjoying all of this more than he should.

       “   expert ??  ” brow arches , a chuckle parting mason’s lips as he shakes his head. “  i mean .  .  . i guess i’ve been in this for a while but , in nine years i’ve never exactly set anything on fire. ” there’s a laugh following his words , his gaze shifting to fall upon the brunette’s features - he knows what they just did would c h a n g e things , setting the caito mansion on fire - he’s well aware that the savages would react , possibly retaliate ( the odds were high ) but he also hopes whatever they do wouldn’t be similar to the events of the casino ; - it still stung , how any lives were lost , it’s something he wouldn’t forget nor forgive - hell it fuelled the hatred he held for the enemy even more. “  impressive though , - what you did i mean - ” he knows she hasn’t been in this for long , but she’s good - he’s no idiot. bringing the nicotine stick to his lips , mason inhales - as he listened to the femme speak , - he only felt like it was polite to ask ; but her words only cause for the corners of his lips to twitch as he exhaled , - “ save me a dance huh ?? - y’know , i think you got me. ” he said , voice teasing as whiskey hues drifted away - gazing up briefly as he watched the smoke dissipate - and then he’s taking another drag of his cigarette. “ first rounds on me though , i’m ready to get shit-faced , really. ”

      “  i’m glad you came.  ” lips have curled into a grin , arms crossed over his chest as he leaned back against the booth. asking her out for lunch , a way of catching up , properly - after all he’d basically vanished the night of the bonfire ( and he’s sure she knows why ) , blame it on the mission he’d been on with a few of his fellow gang members - but he’s glad it turned out well , even if he’s worried to death about anton. “  i’ve been told the burgers here are pretty good , but .  .  . i’m not really in a burger kind of mood , are you ??  ” if they served pasta here - he’d get that , but he’ll probably have to settle for the quesadillas. his gaze scans over the menu , head tilting to the side as his teeth nibbled at his bottom lip. “  this is on me by the way , no splitting or anything - just a heads up.  y’know me billie , i ain’t gonna take a no for an answer either. ”

        he’s worried about him, it’s why he’s here , visiting him at the estate. he only hopes anton would recover , knew of the injuries - and he’s only taken note that next time they did anything related to a mission against the savages , he’d keep his eyes on the petran until things calmed down. he’s not letting this shit happen to his mate again. mason closes the door behind him as he walks in , backpack stuffed with leftovers from back at home - a real italian pizza margherita , it turned out better than he thought it would as he followed his grandmother’s recipe. “  anton ,  ” voice breaks the silence as he walks closer to the other male , steps slow as he looked around himself , briefly before his gaze fell upon his friend , and then he’s sliding off his bag , zipping it open only to take out the few tupperwares mason had brought with himself. “  i brought you some , - figured you might want some.  ” he says , taking a seat across from the male , his whiskey hues watching the young petran. “   so .  .  . how you feeling ?? i was gonna suggest if you wanted me to help you , slowly getting back into the loop of things - training et cetera , - slowly of course , i’m not - i’m not here to make things worse. ”

              “   can you not ?? please , esme - i bet that’s all just an excuse , huh ?? y’know i’m right. but hey , if i gotta book all appointments y’know i will. ” lips have curled into a smirk , and he feels the way she’s leaning back against his hand. god he just wishes he could drive her out of this life , do something to make sure she wasn’t involved in all of this crap. she knows this life just as well as she does , and while fear was something they should be used to there’d always be one thing , a thought he wouldn’t be able to shake. what if she got hurt ?? his gaze remains upon her own , whiskey hues gazing into chocolate ones , hand remaining upon the lower of her back as he continued to think - losing her would be a nightmare , seeing her end up hurt - he’d take a fucking bullet if he had to , anything to keep her safe , but mason was no idiot - he knows better than anyone that in this lifestyle , no one was ever truly safe. she’s in another league , deserves so much better than some cobra captain , who’d be stuck in valdez for the rest of his life , but he’d never tell her - would never tell her that she’d be better off without him , without someone that put her in danger just by standing next to her - just by being around her - and it’s selfish , sure , but he knows more than anyone that losing her would be a curse , and truth to be told he’d miss her too much , he’d miss this. she speaks , and her question only causes him to bite into his bottom lip. he’s into this , this new vibe between the pair - the shameless flirting , the teasing , the suggestive undertone of it all - “  oh trust me , i do.  ” sure maybe it’s not the first time he’s been a tease - but she’d never be just another girl , fuck - he’d be an idiot if he thought that way , but he’s not blind - knows her well enough to know that she’d never be just another kiss , another hook up - she’s emseralda , the same girl he’s known for so many years - the same savage he’s grown so fond of - he cares too much , enough to know that he’s completely ignoring the fact that she’s supposed to be an enemy ,  that this - is wrong - but he cares enough to not care , to push that thought to the back of his mind , tell himself that things would work out - that he’d eventually convince her to leave the savages and join the cobras -  “  good question , i’m sure you can give me a couple of ideas though ??  ” he questions , head tilting to the side as he gazed at her. “  we should seriously do something - have lunch and stuff , maybe just watch some netflix and chill  , or just chill.  ” and there he is , chuckling once again - the smirk he wore broken by the laughs parting his lips , and he’s shaking his head , his digits lifting to run through short curls. “  but i’m serious - we do need to do more stuff , hang out more. ” and he means it , believes they don’t do it enough - perhaps it’s fear , that someone would question her or whatever , more so after tonight - but maybe if they met in savage territory things wouldn’t be as bad. “  maybe we can have a drink at trinity or something - down the line , give it a couple of days though , don’t want them to think you’re friends with the pyromaniac.  ” and there it is , a wink sent her way. truthfully hearing her talk that way about him made the corners of his lips twitch. she’s like family to him , and he’s sure she knows that - “  and you know that i’ll always be here for you too , no matter what.  ” he’d do anything , he doesn’t have to tell her , if she asked him to kill someone , he would , if she asked him to come over , he’d drop whatever he’s doing and do just that - he doesn’t care. he’d even snitch , tell her to leave if he knows something were to go down , and hell if she didn’t he’d drag her out of there himself. “  i mean .  .  . we could share em’. you take some , and so will i. hell i’d even pose n shit , just for you , i’d even let you rate them.  ” he teased , his smirk widening as he gazed at her. “ i can even go and take them now if you want.  ” it’s pure banter , the kind of banter he enjoys more than anything. it’s cold , she’s right - obvious as goosebumps begin to adorn the male’s skin , his hands resting upon his knees - “  anything you want , as i said - i trust you , esmeralda. you’ve always been one to ink masterpieces so .  .  .  ” and his gaze was stuck upon the reflection of the mirror in front of them , but he’s watching her , how focused she was - and soon the light buzz of the tattoo gun could be heard , chin resting on his shoulder , only for him to turn slightly. “   i’ll try and keep it in my pants , but i’m pretty sure that’s gonna be difficult - mission impossible ?? maybe.  ”

      “   exactly - that’s my point. no one’s d e a d.  ” it’s better this way too , - no loss , no grief - it’s just c h a o s really.  it’s a state he’s used to - from a young age. ever since his family began crumbling to the ground because of his father’s drug addiction , things only got worse from there - it tore his family apart. it only served as an explanation , a justification for his hatred towards the savages. it’s something he’d never forgive , what happened to his father - his mother - what his siblings and himself had to suffer. it was all too much. nodding , mason tells her to wait a minute - or two , as he heads for the bar - and once he’s fetched their drinks , he’s back where she was. “   i would’ve been fine no matter what i think , - ” he’s been part of the cobras long enough to believe that things would be fine - and really , he only believed things should in theory go well. he’s had enough training , still continues to train as long as he’s able to. he should be fine. mason hands her the bottle of water , before bringing the can of beer to his lips. “  actually - we should go for a walk or something.  ” it’s not like he’s welcome in trinity anyways , the bouncer had already made it clear - and the last thing he wanted to was for anyone to find out and get her into shit because of him. 

        one could call him a hypocrite for causing a scene after finding out about claire and aaron - when he’s doing similar things , sleeping around with a savage - allowing himself to spend more time than anyone was aware of with another - but he’s not open about it , last thing he wants is to put anyone in d a n g e r - and in this scenario , it wasn’t like their gang affiliation mattered at all - it’s all about one thing only , at least with honey. - “  hmm .  .  . y’know that sounds like a good plan , actually.  ” and after placing another kiss to the crook of her neck - mason has pulled back , digits bringing the cigarette to his mouth - a quick drag , before offering the nicotine stick to the blonde - “  i can cook us something - with whatever you’ve got in the fridge. ” he’s not a bad cook really , so he’s sure he could quickly make them something that would turn out good. he’s laying on his side now , his digits slowly trailing down her side. “  unless you want takeaway , ‘s fine too. ” he doesn’t care really , it’s her choice.

       “   i guess so , but .  .  . it ain’t like i’m gonna burn trinity down.  ” he said with a small shrug , gaze flickering to the side , teeth sinking into his bottom lip. “  you have to admit though , it was only the right thing to do - at least we didn’t shoot some place up -  ” at least they didn’t kill anyone - didn’t cause such a mess that they’d leave half of the town grieving. it would’ve been something mason was against - yet he’d follow orders anyways , it didn’t matter if he agreed or not , especially now - that he’s a captain. “  at least we weren’t cruel -  ” he’s stressing it , repeating his own words , emphasising the fact that they were not horrible. they hadn’t killed anyone , - “  i’m glad.  ” he really was , at least she hadn’t gotten hurt - hadn’t been at the estate while it had all gone down , or was she ?? he isn’t sure , but mason didn’t want to ask either , just in case. “  do you want a drink ?? i can get you one if you want , it would be on me , of course. ”

                lips curl into a smirk , teeth sinking into his bottom lip as his gaze falls upon the side of her face , his hand still placed upon the lower of her back , and then he’s speaking , words escaping him in a rather teasing tone. “  oh , please esme .  .  . what makes you think i’m not eligible for some good , special , treatment ??  ” his tongue darts over his bottom lip , the corners of his lips twitching as he gazed at her. perhaps if he knew the things she fantasised about , mason would’ve made a move a while ago - regardless of whether they were friends , she’s someone he after all trusts more than anything , an attraction had always been there between the pair , and he certainly doesn’t care about her position within the savages. if he could drag her out of the gang he would , he’d do so in a heartbeat , fears that his people would hurt her - for what she was , a savage. yet he’d still remain loyal to the femme , knows well enough that if someone were to lay a hand on esmeralda he’d kill them , kill them without hesitation or remorse. “   who says i can’t ?? maybe you’re the one that’d have trouble keeping up , huh ??  ” there it is , that cocky grin of his - one which is only accentuate by the small laugh parting his lips. truthfully he’s completely oblivious to what he’s doing to her , oblivious to the thoughts that rushed through her mind involving him , he thinks she deserves the world , someone that wasn’t fucked up like him - someone that would perhaps drag her out of this mess they’re both stuck in. he knows he can’t , can’t give her peace , can’t leave valdez and forget about both cobras and savages. he’d made his siblings a promise , that he’d continue to fight , to avenge the lives they could’ve had. esmeralda somehow always managed to make him forget about the grief , about the feud between savages and cobras , and he knows that she’s too good to him , that he endangers her by remaining around her , yet he knows - he can’t stay away , would never be able to force himself to. “  i could say the same though , y’know ?? that i’m feeling a real lack of esmeralda , doesn’t exactly make me happy , if i’m honest. ” there he is , using her own words in a teasing manner , soft breathy chuckle parting his lips as they’ve curled into a smirk , his pearly white teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he attempted to muffle the laughs. he’ll always believe she deserved better than anything valdez could offer her , but he’s not sure if he’d be able to handle the thought of losing someone that meant so much to him , and maybe it’s what makes him so selfish , that he doesn’t push her away to keep her safe , or that he doesn’t try to convince her to leave the cobras and valdez. “   it was a rush , i’m sure you would’ve loved to witness it all though , it was hilarious.  ” and dangerous too really , he knows his name and everyone else’s involved in the fire would be soon flying around , rumours spoken by the citizens of valdez , yet mason didn’t care. as long as non of this would compromise her , things would be fine. he doesn’t want anyone to figure out she’s spending more time than she should with someone like him , someone who quite literally set the caito mansion on fire , and took part in the sick game that was revenge. he hopes with all of his heart that he wouldn’t put her in danger. his hand lifts , and he’s allowing himself to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear , his gaze kept upon her own. “  well you do so much for me as well y’know ?? and .  .  . i really wouldn’t know where to begin , since there’s so much to thank you for. you keep me sane , really. ” he knows he’ll always be able to count on her - no matter what. it didn’t matter if he was a cobra and she was a savage , that rivalry was something which was supposed to exist between them , but it does not. he’d really lose it if someone hurt her - licking his lips his gaze flickers to her lips , watching the way her tongue darting across her bottom lip. he’s tempted , but he doesn’t make a move , - regardless of how hypnotising the sight is , or how soft her lips look as she speaks - he only takes her hand to stop himself , to prevent himself from ruining things. and then he’s sat down , digits continuing to toy with her own , his gaze fixated upon her features , words causing a laugh to escape him. “   dick tattoos are a big no though - but i bet the only reason you want your face on my dick is because y’know that’s what imma be looking at when i jack off , huh ?? that’s cheeky.  ” he continues to toy with her digits for a small moment , his voice teasing as gaze lingers upon her own - but after a few moments he let’s go , turns his back to her - hand lifting to run through his hair. “   do whatever you want , yeah ?? i know whatever you do is gonna look good so .  .  .  ” 

         it’s not something he expects , for her to be phoning him - today out of all days ( valentine’s?? ) , but he picks it up - lifts the device to his ear , only to hear her speak. “   okay , okay - uh .  .  . are you alright ??  ” wait .  .  . was she drunk ?? mason can’t seem to be able to tell whether she was or not - but regardless , he wants to make sure she’s fine. “  serafina , okay - why are you drinking ?? ” whatever it was she was up to , he’s putting his coat back on - leaving the bar only to walk down the street. “  where are you ??  ”