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I can't stop thinking about rewriting S2. I don't know why – it's hard to find an activity that's actually less productive than writing fanfic, but surely this is it – but my brain won't stop circling around the idea, so I'm writing this down to hopefully shut it up.
A proposed outline for a better S2 of Our Flag Means Death.
Episodes 1-3 are pretty much the same as what aired. The big change is that I'm cutting out Prince Ricky. I think two big antagonists are too much for an eight episode season, though I went back and forth on whether to cut Zheng or Ricky. I decided on Ricky because the "end of piracy" plot is way too overwrought for a comedy series, and there's no way it was ever going to work without a lot of build-up. Like, a lot a lot. Possibly multiple seasons of it, and we just don't have time for that here. Also, although Ricky makes a fun foil to Stede, that never really goes anywhere. So he's gone. This doesn't make much of a difference to these first three episodes, since he's only in two scenes, but it will help tighten the focus at the end of the season. One other change is that it's clear (perhaps even referenced in dialogue) that Ed is still not killing anyone directly with his own hands.
Episode Four: This is where I start with the big changes, rewriting this whole episode. Now it's focused on the crew wanting to kick Ed off the ship. Stede goes back and forth between the crew and Ed, trying to talk the crew around while simultaneously trying to romance Ed. He fails on both sides. Perhaps we still have Ed's corporate "apology", as an attempt at compromise, but the crew refuses to accept it and this time, they're in charge. Lucius has his plot about being traumatized and drawing Ed's face everywhere (but not the resolution, not in this episode). Ed is angry at Stede – they get to have an actual fight, about Stede leaving, about Ed marooning the crew/tossing Lucius overboard, about Ed's mermaid dream vs Stede's masculine pirate hero dream. Ed fears he's unlovable, and Stede's unrealistic declarations of love are just making him feel like anything between them is impossible. (Maybe Ed & Izzy have a fight too – I'm not committed to including this, depending on time, but it could be good. Maybe Izzy gets to say, "A rotten leg's got to come off" to Ed!) At the end of the episode, Ed leaves the ship and tells Stede not to follow him. Everyone's angry and upset.
Episode Five: Ed spends the entire episode off the ship, throwing himself into his new career as a fisherman (it doesn't have to be fishing. It can be anything, as long as it's new. The point is Ed running away from himself and his past and trying to become an entirely new person). He's using a new name – Jeff? – and has a whole backstory he's made up. At the end of the episode, he realizes that this isn't making him happy either, because he keeps thinking about his guilt, about Stede, about Izzy or Lucius or whoever he centers on as someone's he's mistreated, and so he leaves.
Meanwhile, on board the Revenge, everyone's having a miserable time. This is where the 'traumatized crew comes together to make the unicorn leg' plot goes, except this time it's a three-sided hot mess, with the crew, Izzy, and Stede – heartbroken over his idealized view of 'true loves fixes everything' having crashed and burned in the previous episode. Buttons turns into a bird, but this time Stede is the one to witness it. It inspires him to patch things up with the crew and go after Ed. Together, they all come up with a motto for the season – something like, 'change is possible' or 'you've got to try again', idk, except it's probably cheesy and rhymes and yet is weirdly inspirational, a la 'talk it through as a crew'.
Episode Six: Ed runs into Anne Bonny and Mary Read, and goes to stay with them. Before Stede shows up, Ed gets a bit of time to talk and reminiscence with them about their own "good old days", back when he was happy. It becomes clear though, that remembering murder and torture and etc is not making him happy now. Ed asks them about feeling guilty. Their advice is terrible: only losers care. Ed laughs it off, but clearly is conflicted. Stede tracks him down, and the rest of the episode play out pretty much like it did in canon (I think Jenkins & co really wanted to do "Ed and Stede as exes at a party", so I am giving it to them here). However, the vibes are a bit different – it's less that Ed and Stede haven't spoken at all as in canon, but that they had their big fight in E4 and are now dealing with the awkward aftermath of wanting to make up, each wanting to maintain their pride, and not knowing how to do either. At the end, Stede gets the courage to put himself out there and asks Ed to come back to the ship. Ed refuses at first – the crew doesn't want him and he doesn't know how to be a better person. Stede passes on the motto the crew came up with in the previous episode – 'change is possible' or whatever – and Ed agrees to come and try. They have a brief, chaste, kiss.
The crew back on the Revenge should have a B-plot too. I love the cursed suit subplot and would stick it here, but honestly I'm not sure it works if Stede isn't around to be the pro-suit side of the debate. Maybe we have a training montage, but it's Izzy and the crew instead of Izzy and Stede. Whatever happens, we also get the Lucius and Pete proposal. This goes along with the hopeful, new beginnings vibe of what's happening with Ed/Stede.
Episode Seven: Ed and Stede return to the ship, and the crew agrees to let Ed try out their new motto. Calypso party preparations begin, but this time Ed is not just handing out money but taking part in finding and putting together decorations and set-up. We get scenes of him and different characters working together; things are awkward but improving. Izzy and Wee Jon can still do drag and sing. Ned Low shows up and disrupts the party.
The big change here: Ed is the one to kill Ned Low, not Stede. I love Stede's plot about becoming a pirate hero and killing and not dealing with it, but it's just too much for a season with a lot of other stuff going on. Sorry, Stede; your masculinity issues have to wait for S3.
Ed killing someone is portrayed as a very big deal. Ned is more dangerous here – it's seen as necessary for someone to kill him, and Ed taking on the role is cast as him becoming the protector of the crew rather than their tormentor. Nonetheless, despite Ned's death being a 'good' thing, Ed is traumatized and he and Stede still have ill-advised sex about it. Izzy can definitely still sing La Vie en Rose during.
Episode Eight: Zheng has (like in canon) been collecting all of the pirates in the Caribbean into her alliance. Now she's finally coming for the Revenge. It's them against dozens of ships. I think, since I'm making Zheng more of a straightforward antagonist than a reluctant ally, I have to break up Olu/Zheng. That's okay. In fact, it can make a nice parallel – sometimes people grow apart and it's not anyone's 'fault', it's just life. Are Stede and Ed also growing apart, or will they find a path forward together?
Stede comes up with what someone describes as a suicide mission. Ed says, 'what if we don't commit suicide?' He wants to live. He wants to be happy. He's still grappling with having killed Low, and he realizes that he can't do that again – can't even put himself in a situation where it might be kill or be killed. He proposes they surrender and just go and live on land somewhere. Why not? What is piracy good for, even, other than violence and theft? Izzy makes his speech about belonging to something. The crew – which has been swaying back and forth, debating both for and against fighting Zheng – is convinced, and decide to go to battle. Ed isn't. He agrees that community is important, that it was there when he needed it, that he'll always be glad he had it, but he can't stay. He's changing. This is him changing, for real. He and Izzy have a final exchange about Ed moving on and Izzy accepting it.
Ed and Stede have an emotional goodbye, where Ed says that he won't be like Anne & Mary – he won't let Stede leave piracy for him, but maybe Stede can come and visit some time. They make some long-distance relationship jokes. Ed leaves. They're both being ~super~ mature and adult about it, but they're clearly both not really happy.
Stede and the crew prepare for battle. Lucius and Pete get married, as a last hurrah for the Revenge in case not everyone survives the coming confrontation. They carry out Stede's plan (I don't know what that is, I'm not an action scene writer, something cool and out-of-the-box. Though it's not like 'dress up in British uniforms' was a unique and exciting plan either). They succeed, either by defeating Zheng or just escaping for now. (Does Izzy die in battle? It doesn't really seem necessary. If he does, it's clearly about becoming one of the crew and they're the ones his death scene centers on, since Ed isn't even there.) There's a big celebration scene and/or funeral, and everyone is bonding, people are cheering Stede's plan, but Stede himself can't join in wholeheartedly. He's off in the corner, clearly not quite satisfied. He pulls aside Frenchie and tells him, "I have something to give you".
The final scene: Ed is working on his new career. Maybe he's running a bar & grill in the Republic of Pirates. He's not hiding who he is, even using the Blackbeard name for PR, but it's not a fighting-focused career. Stede walks up, clearly unexpected, and Ed's like, "thought it'd take a lot longer for your first visit." Stede gets a big speech about piracy. Everyone's gotten to define it for themselves; for Ed it was about violence, for Izzy community. (Maybe some of the rest of the crew have gotten to voice their own takes as well.) Stede says that for him, piracy means freedom. That's what he was dreaming of, when he first set out to be a pirate, what he's been looking for his whole life – the freedom to be who he really is. Ed says, "and who are you?" Stede replies, "the man who loves you." They kiss.
We get an overhead shot, swinging out to sea, with the Revenge sailing away with Frenchie as captain. Distantly, we hear Ed and Stede talking as sound fades out –
Ed: You promise you're not going to burn down my bar when you get bored?
Stede: Why would I be bored? I have so many ideas! Theme nights, cocktail recipes, waitstaff uniforms...
Ed: Hey, what happened with Zheng?
Stede: Oh, she might hunt me down for revenge. Another reason we won't be bored!
“You’re one to talk.” There’s a flash of teeth as Ed sits back and bites the wrist of his glove to rip it off. “I swear you wear more clothes to bed than on deck!” (fic link!)
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The problem with Taika Waititi, as well as literally any celebrity that has a marginalized identity, is that he's a bit of a shit sometimes but if you say that with the BLM tweets first and foremost in your mind someone will inevitably come along and be like "so true" when what is foremost in that person's mind is that they don't like the fact that a Jewish Maori man had the audacity to get famous or make Thor goofy or whatever bullshit they're mad at him for and it's like I don't want to be party to that actually. Like even the letter thing, which he should not have signed, has people in full blown antisemitic conspiracy theory mode and it's like how am I supposed to criticize a guy when everyone else criticizing him is like a mask off racist? This happens to every single celebrity of color.
So much of Blackbeard is just myth that so often people see Ed and don't realize he's Blackbeard. Blackbeard has smoke for a head and glowing eyes. Blackbeard is the Dread Pyrate with nine guns. Blackbeard is the ghoul in the wanted posters. They recognize his flag and expect to see him on a ship. People have a general idea what Blackbeard looks like. Big beard, long hair, tattoos, wears leather. And when he looks like that he's recognized
During the fuckery the Dutch merchants immediately recognize Blackbeard. So does some random guy in St. Augustine during the treasure hunt. But both times Ed is in the classic Blackbeard look. As soon as he loses any of that context, nobody recognizes him.
At the French party it never once occurs to them that he could be Blackbeard. Sure he's got the long hair and big beard. But he's not wearing the leathers and his fancy outfit covers all his tattoos. Even when he starts threatening them, they don't take him seriously. He's just some guy called Jeff at their fancy party.
In S2 he's got a short beard, already making him less recognizable. But when he tosses the leathers, Jackie wasn't kidding about it being his regular dude phase. He's hanging out at the Republic of Pirates, eating somewhere he regularly frequents and some randos recognize Stede but not Ed. Even the Swede who was already serving drinks to the Revenge crew so should not be surprised that Ed is also there, didn't recognize Ed until he looked him right in the face.
In his fisherman phase nobody realizes he's anything but a terrible fisherman. These fishermen hired him at the Republic of Pirates, not one clue that they just hired Blackbeard. The English sailors see him in a dinghy at the Republic of Pirates. He's one of the most infamous pirates ever, wanted by the crown, probably more so after bailing on his act of grace. You think they realized who he was before he killed them?
Shout out to Stede, who apparently realized Blackbeard and his crew were on his ship but it didn't occur to him that this could be Blackbeard. He gets some leeway for being stabbed up and had barely regained consciousness.
So basically as ridiculous as the plan to put Stede in his clothes and burn his face off sounded, it probably would have worked. Nobody actually knows what Blackbeard looks like. He really didn't have to be on the boat. Apparently all he'd have to do was dump his leathers and start introducing himself as Ed and most people wouldn't figure it out.
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oh but I adore how everyone in this stupid pirate show is just a guy
I haven't seen ppl talk about it much but. the absolute lack of shredded abs. people show tummy and cleavage and there's not the barest hint of muscle definition anywhere
obviously some of them are very fit but it never leaves "works a physically demanding job and happens to be naturally thin" territory
and guys are fat! guys have bellies and rounded shoulders and chubby cheeks and imperfect teeth and thinning hair and are styled weirdly (that's a whole different post but the crew especially look so unprofessional styled it's great)
and they are still all hot! they are hot and desirable and find each other hot and desirable and I love that
I love to see it! nobody in this show looks like they had a personal trainer. and not just the side characters, not just a token fat guy - obv Taika Waititi is the most beautiful man you've ever seen and that little bit of tummy pudge spilling out of his crop top made us all lose our collective minds. but it's everyone else too; and it's not the extend of it either. no other show would have let black pete within 10 feet of a romance arc, much less been this sweet and sincere about it
this show is so comfortable with the human body in all it's glorious imperfection and I am in love with it
lots of them have awkward teeth or "unusual" face shapes, and basically no one is hollywood fit, there are multiple fat characters who are never made the butt of the joke for it, the older characters have lines and worn skin... like...
it reminds me of this excerpt from the tragedy of heterosexuality, tbh. how queer spaces, unlike straight ones, get to glory in the body as desirable because of its "flaws" and "gross" details. straight cis norms would have the body be reduced and purified before it can be gendered and made desirable, and we see it all the time in mainstream media: shaved, toned, slimmed, tanned, made up, with all the sweat and filth and disability and fatness and gender abnormality stripped away. women waking up already wearing mascara, men dehydrated so their abs pop on camera.
and this show has none of that. your point about black pete is exactly it! and about the styling, too! in this interview, Maher, Foad, and Schutte mention that the actors were involved in creating and designing their own characters, and it shows! they were there to convey character and personality, not to be convenionally hot or just fade into the background.
And yeah, obviously Blackbeard decked out in all his black leather is both hot as hell and slightly satirising a silly trend ("I have one knife and one gun, just like everyone else!"), but it still has its idiosyncracies, especially as the show progresses. even some of his tattoos are faded or a bit wonky! and I don't think Vikings would've had the guts to put any of its brooding badass heroes in little beard bows and purple crop tops and pretty half-up hairdos.
and it applies to things like accents, too! I've mentioned before about how one of the things I fucking adore about the show is that everyone's just using their natural accents! there are kiwis and aussies and americans and regional british accents and - just, regional accents!! the only accent used as a joke is the Swede, for heaven's sake! everyone else's is just a real detail of a unique person with their own background and perspective.
obviously, among the Brits especially, this also ties into class, and how a pirate show gets to lean heavily into focusing on working class characters, but it goes further than that. no one's doing a silly "yarr, pirate" accent. no one's putting on working class airs or smoothing out regional differences. again, there are real new zealand and australian accents in the mix. !!!
and they're all hot as hell! and they find each other hot! they're normal people with normal quirks, and they're still desirable and funny and (sometimes) competent. they're just human. they're just guys. <3
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