𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙼𝙿𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝙾𝙵 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷.

❛  yeah ?  well,  neither did i——— not in a bad way !  but,  i don’t know.  talkin’s hard,  man  ❜ eyes closed,  taking a deep breath.  it should’ve made him feel better   (  and in some ways,  it did  )   hands slightly shaking,  but then again,  when are they not.  back facing dustin,  who’s feelings have been revealed.  his stomach gurgled,  almost convinced that he was going to vomit,  yack,  if you will.  but this was good.  they were in agreement on something,  that never really happened.

                         but as soon as the confidence in trent,  in each other,  was built

                                                        dustin knocked it down

he wasn’t trying to berate dustin,  to  diminish  him,  make him seem like  less of a man  because of the position that he chose   (  in any regards,  that makes him more of a man— shit probably hurts like hell  )   beretta let out a soft chuckle as he moved back over to the couch,  sitting a little closer to him than he initially was   ❛  a lot of maybe’s.  you sound tooootally sure of yourself  ❜   leaning over and pushing at his shoulder.  coordination wasn’t really his strongest at the moment,  so trent sort of,  fell over himself.  head landing right on dustin’s thigh,  hard.  touched his cheek   ❛  fuckin’ ow.  boney ass legs  ❜   still,  not moving from that spot   ❛  i like your legs though  ❜   mumbling as he finally moved up from his spot,  patting his thigh.  leaning back into the couch,  staring at the bland ceiling with questionable stains.

                                           still felt like he was gonna fucking puke.

not looking him in the eyes when he spoke   ❛  why’s there gotta be,  like,  a dude in the relationship ?   ❜   not really realizing how much of a stupid question that was,  they were two men.  there were going to be men in this—— wait ?  did he just say relationship.  fuck,  fuck,  fuck.   ❛  not like,  we’re dating—— or anything,  like we just fucked,  but i do.  really,  really care about ya’.  like a shit done.  i get real—— i’ll try,  and get real around you.  if that’s,  uh,  what it takes  ❜   he didn’t even have control over his mouth anymore.  not even his brain could stop the word vomit   (  it never did,  but we can pretend  )   ❛  but—— why can’t we just.  fuckin’  be !  yanno.  just be us,  putting a label on us,  would make it weird.  weirder,  i don’t know.  i’m  drunk  man,  don’t make fun of me tomorrow  ❜   covering his face with his hands.  taking another deep breath.   ❛  i care about you,  dust.  ❜

                                                         and it was fucking gross

ㅤ ㅤ   trent collapses against his knee, and dustin flinches, nigh on jerks his knee into trent’s jawline.   (  not the time for the sexy chuckie knee.  )   through his teeth, he breathes in, looking away from trent, still against his knee and thigh, and at the stuccoed ceiling.    ❛  you that drunk off ‘a natty lights, dude ?  embarrassing, brother. real embarrassing.  ❜    as though his heart weren’t wild against his ribcage, as though his face weren’t red and hot. he swipes his tongue across his   (  dry and chapped  )   lower lip.    ❛  you like my shitty little girl legs ?  uh huh.  ❜    the night of new year’s eve reciting again and again in a reverie, dustin is appreciative of trent finally pulling away from him. ㅤ ㅤ   he swallows a mouthful of beer. ㅤ ㅤ   again, he breathes in through his teeth, before he laughs.    ❛  'cause we’re both dudes ?  ❜    he laughs, but trent’s words  ——  not like, we’re dating  ——  cause his heart to annoyingly ache.  fuck.  leg bouncing, he bites at the inside of his lower lip, fingertips tap, tap, tapping at the beer bottle.    ❛  i ‘unno, man !  you’re talkin’ all fast an’ shit, you’re kinda freakin’ me out,  ❜    he says, nigh on whining. he pulls at the natural light label, fingernails underneath the material, into the adhesive.    ❛  i jus’ don’t want you to think ——  i don’t know, man, i just don’t want you to think lesser ‘a me for it. i know you’re not that kinda guy but i don’t know, dude. maybe i’m just  ...  projecting on you, or whatever. ‘cause i liked it a lot, and that’s embarrassing, man !  ❜    with his face red and hot, with his eyelashes wet with tears not quite shed, he’s also appreciative of trent hiding his own face.

seth had never shared a TIGHT relationship with patience and he didn’t plan on starting with it today   .   he had enjoyed the small moment of tenderness   ,   his sharp words adding the type of spice to the situation that he liked   .   and when dean pulled on his hair so roughly that he was sure SOME of the slim string snapped   ,   he wanted noting more than to kiss him for the attempt of putting seth down   ,   for the ATTEMPT of dominating him   .   but that’s all it was to seth   ―   an attempt   .   a compliment here   ,   a soft touch there and he knew   ,   he’d have dean back in his palm   . 

❛   you take that little act with the chair far too personal   ,   ambrose   .   you know it was a business decision   .   so calm down   .   ❜

not that seth really wanted that but pretending he did would hopefully just tweak THAT nerve in dean   .   the two toned knew   ,   ambrose wouldn’t just ditch him because he stepped on his feelings   (  or rather ran them over with a truck but who cared about details anyway   )  .   ❛   you’re not mine   ?  so you won’t be bothered if i share my bed with someone else tonight   ?   ❜   and jealously   ,   that was something NEITHER of them handled well   .   because all could go wrong   ,   they could beat each other until they needed a hospital and they could break each other’s heart over and over again   .   but there was no room for ANOTHER person between them   .   ❛   you’re lying to yourself if you deny it   .   you need me   .   you fucking love me   .   no matter if i’m scum or if i’m your dog’s shit   .   nobody can give you what i give you   !!   ❜

seth didn’t even find himself interested in another person but he wanted to trigger a reaction from the dirty blond   .   he wanted to see his feelings shatter for him   ,   wanted to hear him BEG if possible   .   if one thing was for sure   ,   dean wouldn’t leave him   .   never   .   he couldn’t   .   because of he did   ,   seth would drag him back into his fangst if he had to   .

ㅤ ㅤ   ambrose laughs again, stilted and strained  ——  to intercept the scream, of choler, of desolation, embedded within his throat. once more, he swallows blood and acid, irritating nausea.    ❛  a business decision,  ❜    he quotes, a growl rough, quiet in a gored, acrid throat.    ❛  you’re a sellout. a goddamn sellout.  ❜    his fingernails scratch into the athletic tape at his hands, bloodied and sweat-soaked from the night’s competition, the roughness and savagery.    ❛  you stabbed me and roman in the back.  ❜    he and seth would argue, and argue, and argue, but neither man would concede defeat, obsessional to the warfare. ㅤ ㅤ   again, rollins expels the knife further into an already bleeding heart.

ㅤ ㅤ   teeth bared, grasping at the fabric of his shirt ‘til his hands tremble and his knuckles strain, dean looks at seth, eyes wild and wet. but he’s not afraid, not truly. dean ambrose is a street dog, angry and violent, teeth gnashing  ——  he could destroy seth, fingernails into his throat, crescent moons etched into his skin, as he asphyxiates him. he could destroy seth, but he doesn’t, for he loves him awfully, blood oozing from a heart afflicted by toxins, mutilated by the switchblade of seth’s amour, his mania for him, for hurting him in a travesty of affection. but dean loves him, the man he’d been before. but dean loves him, the mania, the possession. a street dog recoils at maltreatment, but nothing loath, he suffers, for a street dog yearns to be needed, to be loved.

IN YOUR TEETH.       LOVE HAS ITS UNEVEN EDGES   but it is something you sink your teeth into. with love you give all of yourself over and feel everything as it happens  -  good and bad. for you love can be a fight, whether it's hard won or hard lost    (  or hard to hold on to  )   love has a way of leaving it's impression in your skin. it's not that it hurts, it's just that it knows your tender spots and seems to hit those first.

WHERE DO YOU HOLD YOUR LOVE? / MOXLEY.

IN YOUR HEART.       YOU HOLD YOUR LOVE IN YOUR HEART.   love is intrinsic, inevitable, love is the beating core of everything; love is also hard to talk about. your love comes out with more rareness, mostly shows up for the big things in a big way  -  this doesn't mean it doesn't beat for the small stuff, you feel it all, in fact you feel it more intensely than most which is why it's so hard to get out. you hold your love inside you because it matters, it might be the only thing that does.