captain.

                              Even as Emma keeps her distance, she refuses to admit to herself that Hook is steadily on her way to successfully climb up those walls and find her way inside. It scares Emma, for herself and for the other, unsure she wants to risk another blow like the ones before. She’d never been the greatest believer in things such as fate, but since coming to Storybrooke and breaking a curse she believed to be only in Henry’s head, Emma’s mind had opened. And to think that it might be fate that those who got close to her so quickly found their demise— It’s a lot. And every single time she thinks about it, every single time she catches sight of Graham’s shoelace around her wrist, another brick is added to her wall. 

                              There are times when thinking about it too much brings her to the conclusion that she’s being silly. There are other times, when Hook steps a little bit too close and Emma can feel her WARMTH and the scent of the sea with a hint of rum, when Emma’s almost ready to knock the walls down herself. Damn her, damn those beautiful eyes and that cocky grin, and the way Kilia sometimes softens when talking to Emma, the way her voice drops and that grin shifts into something different. And damn Emma herself, for noticing all these little things that make her heart beat fast.

                              “STARING is a bit of a stretch,” She shoots back with a roll of her eyes, pretending like the way the fabric hugs Hook’s curves doesn’t affect her even a little bit. “You’re not exactly discreet.”

                              Since the moment she held a dagger to her throat and demanded the truth, Kilia’s known the blonde as a force to be reckoned with.  Fighting and protecting with a ferocity that could rival even the most brutal of sailors, and yet loving with a gentleness and hesitant vulnerability that makes even HER darkened heart ache.  She’s found that the Savior is both an open book and an enigma, a myriad of traits that somehow come together to form a larger, more breathtaking picture.

                             And of course, it’s a bit maddening, too-- just how enamored she’s become in such a short amount of time.  How the acts of a single woman have willed her to give up the revenge she sought after for so long.   Kilia’s not been celibate in the slightest, and yet a single kiss nearly brought her to her knees.  She’s spent a fair portion of her life avoiding magic when possible, detesting it-- and yet she runs right toward a woman brimming with power.   Emma is everything Kilia never thought she’d find herself loving--  and yet, she finds herself hopelessly drawn to every part of what the other woman has to offer.  

                              (She doesn’t regret it in the slightest.)

                             “Well, I’ve certainly got no REASON to be, do I?”  She grins wide, teeth flashing shamelessly as she glances down at the vest in question.  Hook is well aware she’s attractive, and has no shame in making it known.  That being said, it does stir something inside her, the very thought that Emma might’ve taken notice of her... well,  assets.  

“Don’t lie straight to my face. I’m pretty good at recognizing a lie as it is, but you just make it way too easy.” Emma laughs and stretches, and it feels so good when her back pops in at least five different places. She then slumps, because there’s no use in pretending she’s not tired anymore. Though truthfully, there’s no place she’d rather recharge than right where she is; going home would only result in Emma getting grumpy, thinking about her day in solitude and preparing herself for more of the same the next day. She’d spent too long stuck in that loop. Coming here, though? This is where she can truly relax, at Killian’s side.

“Teasing, darling, never lying.”   Killian leans back and kicks his own sock-clad feet on the coffee table, settling further into the cushions and allowing his muscles to go slack.   It’s always comfortable, he’s found, being with Emma.   She’s settled into his life so easily, already  seeming to mend the fractured pieces of himself he’s kept hidden away with her every gentle touch, and an even gentler sense of understanding.   He only hopes he can bring her even a fraction of the same contentedness that she offers him,   her mere presence bringing warmth and purpose back into a life that had begun to feel more than a little lonely.     

A laugh leaves him when he feels her kick at him, and he pinches the skin of her ankle lightly in playful retaliation.    “Of course not, that’d be ridiculous.”   He pauses for a moment;  and then, just because he  can’t resist-----       “Although you’re more than welcome to give me mouth-to-mouth,  just in case.”

Emma had just had the time to locate the emergency button and stand up, but Killian called her name before she could actually reach for it and press it. She looked at him and felt as though the floor beneath her feet had vanished, her eyes moving between his face and his stump. Time seemed to slow down, but even if this second lasted a whole year Emma didn’t think she could have found a way to properly deal with this situation. 

Her feet remained still, her entire body felt rigid. Watching and hearing such raw pain would floor anyone, she assumed, but witnessing someone she held so dear to her fall apart was a feeling like no other. Emma felt powerless— Pathetically enough, she felt like crying. She flinched when Killian tried to grab his wrist and it jump-started her brain. Finally, she stepped closer to him again, sat down on the edge of the mattress and placed her hands on each side of Killian’s face to ensure he didn’t look away from her.

“I’m so sorry, Killian,” She whispered at first, shaking her head, her own voice breaking. Emma wanted nothing more than to tell him it wasn’t happening, she wanted nothing more than to wipe that pained look off her friend’s face. “It’ll be fine.” Would it? “You’re alive, okay? And you’re strong. Just— Just breathe.” Her eyes darted off to the side, behind Killian’s head, where the heart monitor beeped incessantly. 

                                      Killian’s hand closed shakily around one of Emma’s as it rested against his face, desperately anchoring himself onto his friend’s contact and the little comfort it offered.   Strong, she called him, and yet---- he didn’t feel strong.  He never has been.  Not when his father left, not in the wake of Liam’s death-- was certainly never strong enough to resist hiding from his problems at the bottom of a bottle.   The only constant in his life was music, and it seemed that was being ripped away from him, too.                                        Desperate to focus on anything else, to distract himself from this living nightmare, he obeyed Emma-- eyes latching onto hers, staring into the familiar shades of green until he managed to slow the frantic, panicked rate of his breathing ever-so slightly.  However, the more the thick haze of panic began to clear, the more he was able to dwell on the weight of his situation.  He might not have fancied himself a particularly optimistic person, but whatever grief he’s faced before has always had the faintest glimmer of hope for better days.  But losing his hand?  That was irreversible. 

                                       Killian tore his gaze from hers, eyes slamming shut as he stubbornly fought to gain some form of composure, to tamper down the flood of emotions that threatened to suffocate him.   His hand (--his one fucking hand--)  tightened over hers, his arm trembling with the mere effort of holding himself together.   He tried to focus on taking another deep breath-- but what was meant to be a steady exhale comes out as a stuttered gasp, a pitiful choked noise that closer resembled a sob than any sort of measured breathing.   

                                      He quickly grit his teeth in a stubborn attempt to stop any tears that might spill.   Perhaps the only thing that made matters worse was the fact that, no matter how hard he tried, Killian couldn’t even remember what had led him to losing one of the very tools his livelihood depended on.   He could vaguely remember performing earlier that night--  could recall the excitement and,  god,  the pride--  surrounding the particular date, the concert marking five years since they’d first begun their journey into the music industry.    But the all-too bitter irony of such a thing hadn’t escaped him, either.   His chest felt like it may very well collapse in on itself at the harrowing realization that those five years would likely be ALL he had, now.   (And quite frankly, he almost wished it would.)    

I actually hardly ever see discussions of ableism against physically disabled celebs, characters, fans, and people in general, and it’s such a pervasive problem. I don’t claim to represent all physically disabled people, and I can’t address every single issue, but here are some frequent problems I see and that I think people need to think more about.

I would encourage able bodied people to please read this and consider sharing it to help make sure that people are evaluating the kind of fandom environment you’re creating for your disabled peers, but I don’t mean like “reblog this or I don’t trust you :/” or whatever I’m not your mom

“ you were right, i shouldn’t have eaten all that bread. ”

“ no puppy eyes, you little maniac. ” 

“ you’re not talking, and that only makes me talk more. ”

“ if you keep talking i’m gonna’ get out of the car. ”

“ just for the record, i think about you… while i do it. ”

“ i’m pretty sure you’re my soulmate. ”

“ i did, i jumped out of a moving car. ”

“ i don’t care, i love him. and given the opportunity, yes, i would have his babies. ”

“ friend to friend, ew. ”

“ your life is so pg-13. ”

“ don’t you think you’re a little old to be using cheesy pick-up lines? ”

“ i can’t take my eyes off of you. that’s a fact, not a line. ”

“ you’re a double negative. ”

“ i hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable, i’ve developed like a little… crush. ”

“ i just wanted to say… shit. ”

“ i don’t know when you and i stopped being us. ”

“ i’m a total stranger, how would i know something so intimate about your life? ”

“ you’re getting drunk on watered down vodka like a fourteen year old girl. ”

“ i don’t know if i should help you or if i should euthanize you. ” 

“ i’m gonna’ help you rediscover your manhood. ”

“ what happened to your feet? ”

“ are you steve jobs? are you the billionaire owner of apple computers? ” 

“ you have a mom butt. is that what you want? ”

“ stop slapping me. really. ” 

“ i wouldn’t touch you. if my life depended on it. ”

“ how you are doing this wildly sexy, yet unbelievably cute thing that you’re doing? ”

“ you ran in the other direction when you saw me coming the other day. ”

“ love is for stupid assholes. ”

“ god, would you put on some clothes, please? ”

“ my schwanz is in your face, if it’s not bothering you we gotta’ bigger problem. ”

“ you want me to fight someone? ”

“ go away. please don’t come back ever. ”

“ you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute. ”

“ you’ll learn to love me, i promise. ”

“ you know i’ll kill him if he hurts you. ”

“ i’m glad we switched babies at the hospital. ”

“ i’m so mad at you for what you did. but i’m mad at myself too. ”

“ you fight for your soulmates. ”

“ he scares the shit out of me. ”

“ i was trying to move on. but i don’t want to. you’ve always been the only one. ”

“ i thought that you were gonna’ propose. ”

“ do you still find me attractive? still wanna’ take me home? ”

“ no. i am sexy. i am r-rated sexy. ”

“ i am here to bang. we are gonna’ bang. ”

“ take off your shirt. ”

“ fuck! seriously? it’s like your photoshopped! ”

“ thank god i’m drunk. ”

“ i don’t want your slutty money. ”

“ no way. break up right now. ”

“ i will mess you up! ”

“ go big or go home, right bud? ”

“ i’m sorry for being a dick. ”

“ i’m in love with her. i love her. ”

“ i think it’s fantastic that you’re a better man. ”

“ there is no such thing as one true love. ”

“ i met my soulmate when i was fifteen years old. ”

“ because when you find the one, you never give up. ”