HAWKEYE PIERCE QUOTES; M*A*S*H (1972 - 1983) // SENTENCE STARTERS
feel free to change pronouns / descriptors !
iâm too frightened to be scared.
i want mine in the tushie.
without love, what are we worth? 89 cents. 89 cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.Â
the fighting goes on, the hatred, the violence, the senseless brutality, men behaving like animals - and then thereâs the war.Â
insanity is just a state of mind.Â
how âbout a little kiss for the road?
hi, good-looking, get sick here often?
i will not carry a gun.
i told you the food here should not be taken internally.Â
state your business in one word or less.
come on, stupid, donât play dumb with me!Â
i never lose anything. have you seen my (insert thing)?
how can you kick out this little puppy of a person?Â
i can take umbrage, i can take the cake, i can take the a-train, i can take two and call me in the morning, but i cannot take this sitting down.Â
i am having a bust made out of your head, or, possibly, the other way around.Â
i wonder how old he is. letâs saw him in half tonight and count his rings.Â
can i borrow your doctorâs diploma?
you know what time it is? itâs quarter to dead!Â
i am going to name my first wife after him.Â
iâm not a psychiatrist. iâm not screwed up enough.Â
a device is yet to be invented that will measure my indifference to this remark.
praise the lord and pass the sauce!
what a unique device, the human tush. an architectural wonder, one of a kind ⌠actually two of a kind. designed to support our weight for a lifetime of sitting it also has the subtlety to do the samba. and when attached to certain members of the female species at a time when light summer dresses are worn can cause some of us to drive our cars straight up a lamppost.Â
letâs shoot him and put him our of our misery.
i am the essence of overconfidence! i am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. i am the love call of evolution; the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz of the bees. i am sex itself. i am life. i am appetite!Â
iâm practically naked.
you look like an ad for death.
ours not to question why, ours not to let them die.
a war is like when it rains in new york and everybody crowds into doorways, yaâ know? and they all get chummy together. perfect strangers. the only difference, of course, is in a war itâs also raining on the other side of the street and the people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here who are chums.Â
do you know what a hero is? ninety-nine times out of a hundred, heâs somebody whoâs tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn.
the younger they get, the older i get.
donât you know what itâs like to stand day after day in blood?Â
i hate this place.
to hell with you.
my kingdom for an intelligent octopus!
itâs a semi-free country.
alright, listen here, kid.
bite your tongue, (name). or better yet, let me do it.
heâs both the child and pet i never had.
itâs lonely here. especially at night.
war isnât hell. war is war, and hell is hell. and of the two, war is a lot worse.Â
there are no innocent bystanders in hell. war is chalk full of them - little kids, cripples, old ladies. in fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander.
we have an old saying in america: get out.Â



















