upside down

poe couldn’t help but grin. though he’d remained relatively calm, at least by his own standards, he’d grown increasingly worried about the little droid. he couldn’t help but wonder where it had gotten off to, so to hear that it was in good hands thrilled him. “glad bb-8 made a friend,” he paused for a moment and then motioned to the door. “listen, rose, i’m glad to see you but go live your life. you don’t need to be stuck in here with the rest of us. really, you’ve earned it.” 

poe knew that he shouldn’t be selfish, that he should want to see finn on the other side of the glass, but he was so kriffing glad to see him in quarantine. he was thrilled to have a friend that he could spend time with, especially because he wasn’t certain where he and rey stood after they’d last spoken. “yeah, but...” poe shrugged a shoulder, trying to play it off as nonchalance, “at least we’re stuck in this together.” he managed a grin despite the ache in his body. “if it was up to me, i’d choose another way to die.” poe confessed, “but it isn’t up to me. any word on the cure team? have you heard?”

poe was a child of the sky. ever since he’d taken his first ride in his mother’s spacecraft, he’d been hooked. to be stuck on the ground had been hellish, but to be trapped in the confines of just a few rooms would surely smother the life from poe dameron. illness would not, could not, kill him as quickly as having his wings clipped. he’d spent the better part of the last few days simply staring off, half dazed, and putting on his brave face whenever someone visited. this was hell. then, as if by the fates themselves, poe heard a voice. he blinked, seemingly awakening, and sat up straighter and turned to find finn. “hey! buddy!” he grinned, though he didn’t dare stand. it took too much effort these days. “i heard you were in here!” and then, a bit less enthusiastically. “... i’d hoped that rose was wrong though.”

“peace treaty...” he replied with a low groan. if the fighting was allowed to continue, poe felt certain that countless inhabitants of naboo (or whatever planet they’d been forced onto), would be killed. the treaty was in everyone’s best interest, but oh how he hated the idea of peace with them. news of finn, however, turned his attention from the war to the space behind him. he searched the visible area curiously, but found no sign of his friends. “we all are,” he said with a shrug. “but i’ll do my best to find ‘em. don’t worry, i’ll keep an eye on them.” he told her with a grin. despite his pain, despite the illness, poe would do everything in his power to keep his loved ones from harm. “and thanks, really, for looking out for bb-8.” 

poe: fuck you i'll jump over two

“aw man,” poe replied, his lips turning downward in a frown. “that sound way more exciting than this.” he jerked his thumb over his shoulder, at the sick people milling about, and shook his head. dying just wasn’t for him, he’d rather be helping the cause, but to do so would mean putting the planet and his loved ones at risk. “thank you though, all of you, a cure would be...” he shrugged it off and grinned instead, “well, i think we’d all prefer a cure. though i wouldn’t be so disappointed if you all didn’t have enough for the first order people.” but they wouldn’t. it was everyone or no one... perhaps it was worth dying for. after all, snoke, kylo ren, and hux were all in here. it meant that good people would die, but were the lives of a few worth more than the galaxy? poe pressed the thought from his head. “yeah! i’m fine. i... i haven’t seen either of them. finn and rey are in here?” he perked up at the news. “i had no idea!”

poe felt like he’d been trampled by a heard of kriffing bantha. he was exhausted, but he couldn’t get any rest as a result of his aching body. what an awful way to die. poe had suspected that he wouldn’t live a full life. he’d come to the realization years and years ago that it would probably be cut short for some reason or another, but he’d expected someone to shoot him down, not to die of illness. this was way worse. rather than dwell on it, however, he settled by the glass and watched the people that passed by. one face caught his attention. “rose!” he grinned up at her, ignoring the burning pain in his throat. her mention of bb-8 made him feel both guilty and relieved at once. “oh, thank kriff. i was worried about the little guy, he’s always getting into trouble.” he, of course, had a lot to do with that trouble, but no matter. “i really, really appreciate it.” he paused briefly, looking her over, and tilted his head slightly. “how are you holding up?”

it felt wholly unfair that people like phasma had been brought back from the dead when people like his mother and father remained dead. he wanted to see them, not endless droves of undead imperials and first order assholes who the resistance (and the rebels before them) had put in the ground. he shook his head firmly. “we need them though,” he replied, as if finn could change anything. “if we’re going to defeat ren, we need force users on our side of things.” he sighed, glancing briefly at finn when he let his hand go. poe felt strangely disappointed, though he wasn’t yet ready to put a label on the feeling. “you and me both. i think it would do general organa a lot of good too.”

“no?” he asked, tilting his head slightly to the side. “what makes you say that?” she was a bit eccentric, sure, but she was with the resistance. if that wasn’t a reason to trust her, poe wasn’t sure that anything was. besides, he’d never minded that his companions were a bit unusual, it gave them an edge over the first order. or so he thought. poe couldn’t help but laugh aloud at her mention of the ‘crystal critters’, it was understandable that she’d think humans looked a bit like them. though they were far from being fully covered in the medals. “nah,” poe shrugged, “there’s always an opportunity to get more. besides, it’s not the medals that matter.” it was the accomplishments itself that he cared about. “hmmm.” he hummed, scanning their surroundings. “well, where did you land? you know, when you got here?”

“lucky for you,” poe replied with a chuckle. “i don’t want them to come near me, but i don’t have the teeth or the... you know, height.” he motioned with his hands, and chuckled. still, he listened to chewbacca’s thoughts carefully, curiously. “probably not,” he agreed with a little nod. there was no telling what would happen once the forcefield was gone. he would be off of this planet as soon as possible, just in case an all out war broke out again. naboo was bound to be in trouble. “you don’t think?” poe frowned, heartbroken. luke was one of his heroes, a grew pilot and a pinnacle of the rebellion, so to hear that he wasn’t what he used to be. “... i’d hoped that rey would, but i’m not sure we can count on her anymore,” he confessed.

no matter how he tried, he couldn’t correct himself. it was as though his fighter had stalled and he couldn’t get the engines back no matter how desperately the tried. here he was, standing before rey, feeling as though he was spinning out of control. he’d survived all of that hell, kylo ren’s torture, leia’s coma, and the escape from crait, and for what? the most powerful jedi in the resistance, the only jedi left, was slowly beginning to turn on the resistance’s forces. perhaps she wasn’t prepared to knock his fighter out of the sky, but if it was him or ben? he had a feeling that she’d know precisely what to do, and given time her allegiance would undoubtedly shift more toward the first order. the war that he’d fought his whole life, the one that both his mother and father had been involved in, would be lost and all because of this. or, at least, that was where his mind went in this oh so topsy turvy moment. he drew back again as she stepped toward him, away from her hands and away from this treachery, and he shook his head faintly. “please don’t,” he told her, with some strange mixture of hurt and desperation in his voice. he’d always liked her touch, he’d always been fond of the way her fingers felt against his skin, but he didn’t want to be comforted by her right now. it would only make matters more confusing. “i need to...” poe shook his head. “give me space.” it was all that he could manage right now. outrage, pain, frustration. she cried harder when he mentioned han and the rebels, but it didn’t seem to change her mind. that murderer she’d fallen in love with would kill so, so many more as he chased his cause, and rey would sit by and let him. kriff, it seemed impossible. she was good, she was pure, she was someone that he was proud to be friends with because of her bravery. but not now. she’d become something else, another conquered creature, who’d succumbed to the first order and to kylo ren. “but you won’t fight him.” poe concluded. she wasn’t with the first order, but she wouldn’t fight its leader either. “we need you, rey.” a pause, he shook his head. “we needed you.” there were other jedi now. he’d find someone else if she couldn’t do it. “you think...?” poe frowned. “that’s not enough, rey. what if he won’t abolish it? then what?” his frown only deepened. “and what sort of peaceful leadership? one without the resistance? it’d be peaceful, sure, but it wouldn’t be good for the people.” and finally, with a faint shake of his head. “... he’s worth all of this?” he couldn’t be worth this whole war an the lives of all of those lost. but maybe, to her, he was.

poe desperately wanted to fight this, to march up to kylo ren and punch him in the teeth. if that meant breaking the treaty, so be it. it would be justified if that monster had forced rey into an engagement (or anything else) that she didn’t want. desperately as he wanted to believe that, however, something deep in poe’s chest told the truth. there was something amiss about this, something real, and that was a truth that was much, much more difficult to face. and there it was. ‘it’s nothing like that, i’m fine.’ there was all the proof that he needed. his shoulders drew back defiantly, he stood just a little bit taller, and he could feel a crease forming between his brows. he was confused and upset and disappointed. they had been through so much, they had put their trust in one another, they had both been tortured for information by kylo ren himself, and now she was engaged to him? he frowned, the creases deepening at the corners of his lips. he trusted rey, she had always done the right thing before, and though she could occasionally be naive, she had a good head on her shoulders. rey had earned her place amongst the leaders of the rebellion because of her bravery and skill. they needed her to defeat kylo ren, and there was no chance she would do so now. thoughts of lost friends, of his mother, of all the rebels that had come before, filled him with a volatile mix of sadness and anger. she was supposed to help them win this war, was she turning her back on them now? he listened quietly as she explained, biting down on his tongue to keep from interrupting her. poe wanted to understand, needed to understand, but her explanation failed to be enough. poe remembered the pain he’d felt when ren had tortured him, seeing his friends shot down at kylo ren’s orders, and the pain on general organa’s face when her son was close by. he mourned for those losses. poe shook his head, stepping back enough to try to free himself from her grip. “i don’t…” he shook his head. “he’s tortured you,” poe tried at last, “he killed han solo and dozens of rebels that got in his way. doesn’t that mean anything?” he asked, shaking his head faintly. no, he simply could not make sense of this. finally, after another moment he added. “… does this mean you’re with them now?” he loved her, truly he did, but if she was against the resistance he would fight against her.