* master / AVATAR !

haru certainly didn’t need to be reminded that everything was politics. every meal, every missed arrow, every single waking moment since his earliest childhood had been darkened by the shadow of his parents’ — his legacy’s gaze. today, rao was clearly not in the mood for pretense. “ politics that requires nothing of us but our presences at the altar, ” he said lowly. before rao could have the chance to add something involving a bed and an heir, he broke the flow of conversation briefly by serving himself a helping of porridge. 

his eyes flit back to rao at the sound of an expletive, his expression only darkening. these things may have been overlooked by rao’s family, but every step of the way had been planned by his and kita’s. he had a selection of courtship gifts, ruby-studded brooches and pendants of silver peacocks. proximity was key, affection secondary and preferred. 

chin resting on a hand, haru’s mouth twists into a half-frown of disapproval. “ people might hear, ” he reminded her. and the last thing he needed was for the princess to suspect that he wasn’t head-over-heels in love, that kita wasn’t elated for the match, that their parents wanted nothing more than prosperity for the two. the weight of the lie sunk in his chest.

kita’s second jab at rao’s ribs gets a scoff out of him, one he hides with his hand. rao’d never learn, would he. “ you’re luckier than the two of us. say —would one of your ceremonial daggers do for his courtship gift ? ” the him in question was addressed with a jerk of the head. 

     rao released a quiet scoff at his dearest friend’s words, but ultimately remained silent on the matter. haru was in this predicament as much as he was. there didn’t seem much of a point at beating at a dead horse. the other knew that more would be required of their nuptials as time went on. if he thought too much on it, he would grow grim and ‘grim’ was simply not a word to describe him — rao chantarat, the lion of the southern region. 

     twirling the half-bitten apple around his fingers, he leaned against the back of his chair, risking the few inches it was lifted into the air. he’d much prefer to stare at the fruit than to zero in on haru’s darkened expression. this courting wasn’t even his idea or in his interests. . .  could he really be faulted with forgetting ? far more interesting things occupied his mind.

          “ i, for one, am ecstatic to be marrying the princess. ” rao spoke in a syrup-y tone, mainly to annoy the siblings. kita was much like him in that regard, not caring what people heard or thought. but for the sake of the plot that their parents had spent a decade planning, it only felt right to respect and do well by it.

    kita’s eyes cut in rao’s direction and he offered a saccharine smile, hoping it would be enough for her to agree to haru’s suggestions. “ why should i help when he’s unprepared ? ” she inquired bluntly, narrowing her eyes at her brother. the brunette had plenty of daggers ; she could have certainly parted with one. still, she resisted as she was known to do. “ besides, what is a silly little princess going to do with a weapon ? pick her flowers or the sort. besides, haru, did you not bring various ones ? give him one of yours. ”

feya smiled with vague contentment. during evenings like these, it was difficult to believe that anything could shake their peace. they had every luxury in the world, servants at their beck and call, and each other. marriage would be a pain, yes. but zani would rule, and even if feya had to leave for the palace of another, the kind of power she had would easily secure visits, stays for weeks on end. the three of them were a bond even the gods would struggle to break, and the more often zani was reminded of that, the better. 

but she tried not to roll her eyes at her twin’s poorly concealed yearning. “ of course not, zani … isn’t it kind of — unappealing coming from men, though ? ” the fact that feya cared little for the male gender was well-known to the two of them, an aversion strong but inexplicable. linh laughed, before propping herself up on one elbow, a single brow raised. “ would you rather a dashing princess offer you a bouquet of roses ? ”

“ wouldn’t you ? ” feya shot back, and linh made a face. 

“ i don’t see the appeal of roses at all. they just rot and die. setting quite a precedent for our tale of love. ” roses, chocolates, all the sorts of things that suitors would come up with, none particularly impressed her. she couldn’t even quite answer the question of what did. courage was overzealous, intelligence condescending, kindness no doubt the pretty packaging of sinister intentions or cripping self-deprecation.

she sympathised with zani nonetheless. common ground, yes, the most anyone could ask for. linh was wary of the sinaga bloodline, one that had kept its power with steel. “ to have common ground with someone is different from being wooed. someone could have nothing in common with you and still offer you all sorts of pretty things to get your attention. ”

“ good enough for me, ” feya announced, turning a bit in the mirror to see her hair-in-progress. “ don’t think too much. life’s easier when you don’t try to predict what’s coming at you. ” upon hearing linh’s scoff behind her, feya whined, “ i mean it ! ”

“ i’m sure, ” linh replied, sitting up at last. “ you know, we didn’t even ask what you think. ”

     zani remained silent as feya and linh exchanged their banter. while her sister’s disinterest in suitors was often times comical, she wasn’t in the headspace to laugh about it as per usual. instead, she focused on controlling her breathing — in and out — as she relaxed her shoulders. it was difficult to explain why this topic caused such a spike of anxiety, but the princess felt more on edge than soothed. couldn’t something in her life be easy for once ? 

          “ it’s quite sad. . . ” she spoke after a moment. idly, her fingers drummed against feya’s temples. normally, zani was quite good at keeping her composure but being around the other two always did inspire more vulnerability than she would like. “ . . . to think of all of this so clinically. ” even as balanced as she was, the young woman was still full of heart before all else. sure, it was concealed by polite smiles and an even temperament — but feya and linh knew more than anyone how deeply she could feel. thinking of marriage so contractually would never sit well with her.

      a thin smile formed on her features, occupied by a simple nod. she loved her sister more than breathing but sometimes, feya spoke without recognizing the privileged luxury she had. she could think of the future in a more flippant manner because the weight of the entire nation was not on her shoulders. for zani, it was not so simple. every choice she made affected millions. all she could ever do sometimes was think too much.

          “ me ? ” her eyes widened as she glanced in linh’s direction. deft fingers completed feya’s braid, giving zani time to think carefully about her words. what truly could be said about the sinaga heir. . . that he was handsome ? sure, but zani never placed great value on looks. his kindness ? it was yet to be seen if it was genuine or power play. it didn’t seem right to make a judgement off of so little. 

        “ i still do not know him well but i am open to learning. michi seems to like him and i trust her intuition. . . ” the princess spoke honestly. “ he seems wise beyond his years and has all the makings of a good ruler. ” a good partner. “ — what of you, feya ?  lord chantarat cannot be that bad. ”

a foreign calm washed over haru whenever he was around her. he realised how exhausting the rest of the world could be in the happiness she gave him. the studio felt like a prison cell sometimes, kita his sole company. it was all too easy to forget his love of music. but her, her voice, the glint in her eyes, could bring it back in a crashing wave. that, or it was love for her. he didn’t know which of the two loves was greater. 

he hummed in contemplation at her description. ever the producer, he could imagine the melody as a voice in a background that evoked floating. distorted synth or piano, perhaps. just before he could pitch the idea, she spoke again, and michi distracted him briefly by purring into his hand. 

“ not too busy, ” he assured, sitting himself up. they were still waiting on approval for bury a friend. “ i’ll definitely have a moment to myself to tinker a bit. if something comes out of it, i’ll send it to you. ”

it was an activity to eat without attracting ( or giving into ) michi’s innocent, wistful gaze up at him. he only managed it by thinking of the melody. “ are we still on for saturday ? ” frustrating that they had to plan their meetings so very carefully, the least imposing condition being their schedules being clear. no, he had to make sure kita wouldn’t drop in with a new idea. that or make up some believable excuse to vanish. it was taxing, but necessary, as most taxing things were. his expression became more pensive. 

     zani smiled appreciatively at haru’s response. even if he truthfully didn’t have a moment to himself, he was the type to always accommodate the things that made her happy. it was a wildly new feeling, being a priority. she’d only ever felt it before with her mother and feya. even then, that was different. that was her family. what she had with haru was in another playing field. she wasn’t even sure if she found the proper words yet to describe. 

     and of course, these feelings had to be shrouded in secrecy.

     she forced her smile to wane at her boyfriend’s question. it was an innocent one, one that had been asked a dozen times. and yet, it left zani with this strange sinking feeling. of course, she enjoyed the time they spent hidden away from the rest of the world, talking about everything under the sun — but it was also disappointing that there couldn’t be more. it sounded silly, but there were days that she wished they could go on a real date. in public. someplace where she could hold his hand and hug him and freely just be the two of them the way they were now. 

     it’s wishful thinking. she knows it’s not feasible with cameras watching their every move, and it certainly wasn’t fair to ask that much of haru when the situation was so complicated with his sister. but still, zani was a dreamer at heart. all she could do was think of these scenarios and wonder if hiding so much bothered him too. 

          “ of course ! ” she finally answered, masking any sadness quite easily. her mama once told her that her bright smile hid a lot. “ what do you want to do ? order delivery and watch a movie ? i haven’t had italian in a bit. . . dance practices and all. ” zani punctuated her little joke with a soft laugh.

“ i gueeess. ”

if there was one demon she respected in the torture business, it was kita, so this sort of visionary thinking could pass. the end result would be deliciously cruel, that was the promise the two demons in the project  had made ( well, one had nodded tersely while the other did ). feya would hold them to it. the touch of kita’s hand against her own made her grin, but this grin dropped when it left, quick to pout. kita was a tough one to coax affection out of, but that was the fun. 

as the blueprints were rolled up, feya sighed. she sure as hell didn’t remember anything of her time at the janet factory, all dolled up and waiting to be assigned. thank god she was a bad janet. she’d seen a couple of good place janets in her time, and dear god were they brainwashed. “ let’s hope good janets have a mute button, huh. ”

her impatience was rather palpable in the way her feet tapped and hands fidgeted. damn, perhaps she was a little nervous. it was the closest thing to meeting your maker, after all. “ i mean, once we get the deactivation switch, it’ll be a-okay. ”

         “ i promise you. if this all ends up being a failure — ” it wouldn’t be. kita refused for it to be. she was far too confident in her abilities to accept anything but success. “ — then you’ll get to pick the tv show the next round of morons have to watch 24/7 for the rest of their afterlife. ” hopefully, the dangling carrot of torture would be enough to placate feya. there were plenty of options; the one about that stupid american going to france and making everyone speak her language came to mind immediately.

     standing to her feet, the brunette quickly tapped a button on the keyboard at her desk, summoning a large blue portal before them. the plan was simple. heading down to the janet factory would be a breeze. after all, the idiots in the good place were too blindly trusting to allow security outside. after that, they just had to pass off the stolen goods to haru and let him deal with the perkiness that would await him upon activation. 

      thank god, she wouldn’t have to be around for that part. kita was allergic to optimism.

so this was what a good place janet looked like. most demons in the bad place settled for messy hair, poorly done suits in drab colours that were meant to be an eyesore. but she was incredibly well-put-together. the colours were charming, her hair fluffy, and her skin spotless as satin. what a world. 

he opted for a classically-human pained smile as she spoke. how could a nonhuman thing be so damn cheery ? feya wasn’t half of this — but he could work with this well enough, he thought, until the book dropped into her hands from thin air. “ a name, ” he muttered, eyes flitting to her to confirm if he’d heard her right.

from margin to margin, the book listed possibilities, ranging from short to long, of various cultural origins. all of them rested nicely on the tongue, however, clearly picked to be pleasant. a single one in the bottom right corner of a page caught his eye on page fifty-eight. 

“ what do you think of zani ? ” he ventured. yes, he supposed it suited her, now that he said it out loud. short, elegant, and as happy-sounding as she was. “ is there anything else you’ll need before we start ? ”

     her smile was as bright as ever as he took the book from her. she would not interfere until a decision was made, silently pleasant as her arms folded behind her back. it exhibited the patience of a saint. . . or at least, the patience of a morally upright heavenly being like herself. allowing herself to indulge in the smallest ounce of curiosity, her eyes returned to survey the surroundings of the office. it was neat, almost too neat, and it didn’t give her any semblance of who the person may be before her.

          “ zani. ” she repeated back, her smile widening on her face. instantly, she shot the other a thumbs up to show her approval. “ i think zani is the best choice in the entire afterlife ! thank you for picking my name. i look forward to spending an eternity with you ! ” with a happy hum, zani snapped her fingers and the book went instantly back into the ether.

    her eyes closed for a moment, envisioning all that the neighborhood could be. what would be a better theme: disney or zoo ??? she wondered if the citizens would prefer multiple ice cream shops or mult— oh ! zani shouldn’t get too ahead of herself. he’d only said a regular neighborhood with alterations. she would need to listen carefully before proceeding. 

linh knew her best friend meant well, but alas. even a single bowl would be the end of her, given her total lack of impulse control. even a little bit of bloating could screw up her whole routine. “ what’s that saying — about like … distance making the heart grow fonder ? ” basically, she’d probably be prepared to walk over hot coals to get a cutlet bowl once she was on break. 

she’d deal with that when the time came. in the meantime, she was preoccupied with being smug about convincing zani. she overthought too much for her own good, it was nice to be a single voice of reason. “ excellent. ” sight reading. god, even looking at those sheets with an infinite number of sub- and super-scripts made linh want to pass out. “ duet shouldn’t be that hard, ” she murmured. “ can’t you ask someone in your class ? ”

if those fools had any talent, they’d be competing for the chance to perform with her, she thought before her stomach dropped in dread. she’d have to get through this season too — and it was hard enough booking extra rehearsals without that stupid hip-hop troupe taking up the schedules. “ who knew getting an unemployable degree would be so hard ? ”

     zani frowned thoughtfully but she didn’t chime in with any objections. she’d never been the type to impose her will on others. all she wanted was for linh to be happy — and depriving herself of things that assisted in that goal simply didn’t right with her. still, she only responded with a simple nod, her fingers rummaging through the clearance rack as her best friend spoke.

           “ yeah, i have someone in mind. maybe. . . ” the young woman admitted after a moment of silence, her expression turning far more bashful. she’d yet to express this newfound crush out loud. it felt less like a secret for the past few weeks and more like a little bubble — exchanging pencils in composition, encouraging nods during instrumental performance, lunches in the cafeteria. but who was to say he would even want to add on to that with an assignment ? haru could just be impossibly nice, not interested. “ i don’t know. maybe not. uh, i’ll figure it out. ”

of course, haru did wonder what exactly rao was looking out for; a fellow dancer, maybe. he’d never seen rao so alert, in his own way. nevertheless, he knew better than to ask questions,  and only proceeded with getting into the driver’s seat, wincing at the thud of rao’s bag, and his comment. every time, haru felt rao was becoming far too comfortable being a — beneficiary. but nevertheless, he could ignore it. 

it had been a while since he’d ferried rao. zani was his most recent passenger. “ just a friend from the music department. ”

as he began to drive, his mind had to be actively pulled away from thoughts of her onto the road — traffic was merciless. “ nope, ” he replied, eyes still fixed on the road. “ museum’s gonna keep her for most of the day, i think. ” with a single hand on the wheel, he took a sidelong glance at his phone. four minutes, they were in a comfortable time band.

silence was somewhat unbearable in that short drive. made him realise just how many unecessary emissions he was letting out. “ were you looking for someone back in the studio ? we could’ve waited if it was urgent. ”

           “ you have friends ? ” rao blurted out before he could even stop himself. but really, wasn’t it a valid question to ask ? there was haru, there was kita, and then there was him. that was it: the three of them in an inner circle. he preferred it that way, honestly. as social as a passing bystander would paint him to be, rao wasn’t necessarily the most open person. yes, he could make a person laugh or get an invite to a party with a blink of his eye — but the deep shit ? that was only reserved for two people.

     haru didn’t even want any friends.

          “ sucks for her. more food for us. ” he finally spoke up, stretching out so that his long limbs could occupy as much space as possible. the car pulled away from the studio and rao had to combat the weird prickling feeling of disappointment that he felt at not catching sight of linh.  ah well, he’d chalk it up to missing the chance to irritate her. he hadn’t even realized he showed his cards on his face until haru piped up with the question.

haru’s mouth twisted at the mention of kita seeming troubled. it was hard to know when something deeply heavy was on her mind. but he soothed himself. what could possibly trouble her — these days were good. things had fallen into a routine, and she didn’t have to work, either. “ we’ll pick up the strawberry one for her. ”

he turned to her instantly as the wind made him clench his teeth. just as he’d expected, her hair had only just fluttered down, and the sight of her smoothing it made him chuckle. the curls really had a mind of their own. he reached out to brush a single lock away from her cheek, retracting immediately when she looked at him. 

before he could fully prepare himself to speak, she spoke for him, precisely echoing what he would’ve said — i’ll be alright, no need to worry. so he was left at a bit of a loss for words, and could only clear his throat. “ thank you, ” he supplied, unsure of whether it was the right thing to say. there was more he wanted to add but couldn’t — that he didn’t want to worry her. 

but she exclaimed and haru looked where she was pointing, the thought forgotten. it was only after he noted and smiled at the first few stars that he realised his hand was in hers. it was soft and cool and he didn’t particularly want to let it go, so he didn’t. “ spirits, ” he sighed, looking back at her. “ it’s a good night to walk.  ”

     zani smiled serenely, deeply satisfied with their plan. there was nothing like aunt fei’s to make even the worst of days somehow better. she was certain that once a strawberry smoothie was in her hands, kita would be flashing them that reluctant smile of hers as if nothing had changed. after years of knowing her, she had grown very in tune with how the older girl was feeling. then again, zani was quite in tune with the emotions of everyone. she analyzed every rise and fall of breath belonging to the people around her, wondering if a furrowed eyebrow was out of stress or concentration. it all affected her more than she could even put in words.

     however, in that moment, she was simply a young woman under the stars. wide eyes watched the darkened sky with a nearly childlike glee that could not be faked. because in a lot of sense, zani was just that — discovering the simplest, yet exciting things every single day. she cherished every new memory dearly, knowing that there was a time in her life when she could only experience so little.

         “ it’s a beautiful night to walk. ” she repeated with a nod, a bright smile on her face as she turned to look at haru. it was then that she became aware of how tightly she clung to his hand, but there was no urge in her body to break away. it felt nice to be close to him. he was a sturdy, immovable presence to most, yes, but not to her. to her, he was something short of a soft place to land.

     she blinked out of her reverie, smile softening into something more bashful as her gaze returned to the sky. “ — my mama once told me the stars are the eyes of souls that have already passed. . . watching their loved ones from above. ”

huh. that wasn’t something she’d been counting on, but it made perfect sense. fire was rather fixed in its physical properties, and heat was its defining feature. part of her, in curiosity, wanted to touch kita, the way she’d check for a fever, but she crossed her arms and tucked both her hands and the urge away. all she did was shift a little bit closer, to see if she felt the same as a bonfire. “ fair enough. ” 

feya didn’t know much of the world, admittedly, but she knew enough to feel the spectre of aloneness over them. what else would drive a person away from a group of four, engaged in conversation ? then again, she was on the balcony too — because zani seemed to watch the others more. as if feya was something meant to look away from. ugh. 

she found it in herself to laugh, a sound that could never be mild or tempered. “ right, no pressure or anything. i mean. not like i’m expecting you to start glowing or whatever. ” but one question did still burn in her mind, burning only because she didn’t want to ask it. for fear that the question might be turned right back around. why are you here?

on the way to republic city, she’d made up a tidy story. girl from the northern water tribe, seeking adventure, but everytime she tried to say it to someone, her tongue tied. feya didn’t know what kita was like — but felt that the truth wouldn’t scare her. “ so, what brings you to the city ? ”

     kita wasn’t quite sure what to make of the bloodbender just yet. she was the latest arrival in their makeshift group, somehow miraculously connected to someone already within. that may have been enough for some members to allow her to sleep in their quarters and eat at their table — but it wasn’t for the princess. she’d never been one to trust easily and the more feya spoke, the warier she grew. 

     she certainly knew how to talk, that was for certain.

          “ glowing ? ” she all but sneered at the insinuation. there were legends, of course, of past avatars and the glow that emitted in their deepest of spiritual states. but kita had never once experienced it. she doubted she ever would. anything to do with the divinity of this position made her a bit ill to think about. a weakness she’d never dare admit out loud.

     a frown deepened into her features at the question posed. it was a sensible one to ask but yet again, the brunette felt her guard go up. she couldn’t quite understand why feya seemed so interested in her. people who were interested in her were never in search of good things — her parents proved the perfect example. “ to train. ” kita finally spoke, her gaze flitting away from the other to fixate on the skyline. she wasn’t a woman of many words ; her brother could attest to that. but a weird feeling settled in her stomach after she spoke the curt words.

    feya was the only person who made an effort to speak with her today, after all. why would she shoo that away ? so kita amended with a reluctant: “ that’s why zani, linh, and rao are here. to help. ” bitterly, she recognized how untruthful that was. how kita wished they were just around to help.

his head swivelled to the window immediately. 

haru’s room was always quiet when he was its sole occupant. like most nights, on that one he was seated at his decade-old desk, trying to read but finding that his eyes scanned the page and collected no meaning from any of the words. silence could be deafening, when even the owls didn’t hoot. 

the confirmation that it was her didn’t even have to come ; he was halfway to the window as she spoke. the handle to open it was a little jammed from neglect, but he managed it without so much as a sigh. as a child, he used to think they could hear him, and the habit stuck. with both hands and practiced ease, he led her into the room, partly lit a dull orange by his desk lamp and partly pale blue by the moonlight. 

“ hi, ” he said quietly, once the window was shut. ask no questions was a basic rule, but one did burn in his mind. he’d thought things were getting better. but all he felt now was a dull ache in his collarbone. 

there were other rituals to adhere to. “ did you eat dinner ?  ” if not, there would always be leftovers in a house of two small eaters. 

     her hands immediately gripped haru’s forearms, using their combined strength to slip into the window with crashing into anything or making them fall. decades of practice made the two quite the seasoned experts in the physicality of it all. and just like every single time before, kita didn’t dare to breathe until her feet were firmly on the floor of his bedroom and the window was closed once again behind her. she was safe. 

      she didn’t answer his greeting. the fear and panic that spiked harshly through her chest was now morphing into its second stage. kita could feel the dreadful sting of tears in her eyes, a similar pain coursing up her throat as a lump began to form. instantly, the brunette turned away from haru, forcing out shallow breaths to collect herself. a minute or so. . . that was all she needed. then, she was prepared to face him once more. thankfully, the dimness of the room would be enough of a shield from the redness in her eyes.

          “ not yet. ” kita finally replied, her voice shockingly even for someone who’d been so close to breaking down just mere moments before. dinners were not a thing in the sinaga household. she couldn’t even recall the last meal she’d eaten in that house. usually, her food source wholeheartedly depended on her friends or her job. it was only then that she realized that her shift ended right before lunch time and she hadn’t eaten a single bite since. hell, she didn’t even realize she was hungry until haru asked. 

there was probably something immoral about loitering around while someone else did the dirty work, but feya was delicate. she’d convinced herself that she’d be of no use anyway, hence the casual lean against section 13 - biology. even when addressed, it takes a moment for her brain to process and her hands to click her phone off. 

“ i don’t plan to look pretty, it just happens, ” she said, with a self-satisfied giggle. missing the point, but on purpose. “ you … you look like you got it under control. ”

she said one thing but did another, sauntering up to the stack with a crinkle to her features. the true weight of the entire thing hit her at once — tables, then chairs, then decorations, then maybe even welcoming the kids back. dear god. 

“ here we go ! ” with an exaggerated heave, she lifted one, trying not to betray even an ounce of exhaustion. “ lead the way, babe. ”

     kita rolled her eyes, but the endeared smile that bloomed on her features betrayed any kind of actual annoyance. as if she could really have any negative connotation towards feya. being mad at her would be like being mad at the sun — and considering the amount of darkness she found herself surrounded by, she selfishly wished to bask in the presence. still, her gaze was unwavering as she waited for the other to finally join her at tables. eventually, she did and her sudden initiative startled her into action.

         “ not by yourself ! ” the brunette chastised in a light tone, rushing over to lift up the other side of the table so feya wouldn’t have to bear the weight alone. “ we can lift them together. don’t pull your back out for this damn school. ” she tossed out with a rueful shake of her head, the teasing evident in her green eyes.

     with a gentle grunt, she began walking backwards out of the library, allowing ( and trusting ) feya to be the eyes to get them to the cafeteria in one piece. “ you definitely should have made either haru or rao come help out. ” kita groaned as they walked. sure whatever, they were independent women and all that empowering bullshit but even the other had to admit that this task would have been ten times easier with the cursed presence of testosterone.