into aetherium

i could die here.

now i know why i woke up here on the shoreline.

everything looks the same.

you'll find me with half a mind to get violent.

don't say it's over.

give me the edge of a blade.

nobody knows where i came from.

how can i already lose my way like this?

i used to know myself.

you used to know me well.

you wish that you could make me whole.

i have a feeling we're close to the end.

come out from underneath.

go ahead and wrap your arms around me.

godspeed to my enemies.

tell me what you meant by "living past your half-life."

you're well-versed in the afterlife.

you might be the one to take away the pain and let my mind go quiet.

nothing else is quite the same as how i feel when i'm at your side.

are you gonna dance on the line with me?

you know it's not a game or a fantasy.

i don't even know who i used to be.

nothing is the same.

some things have to change now.

i'm apologizing for shit that, frankly, i stopped thinking of years ago.

i still need a dark side.

they just need a reason.

keep me alive.

now is the time to take it or leave it.

did i get this far for nothing, or are you the reward?

if this is love, then i am out of hesitation.

i just don't want to be lost again.

i wish i could have known that.

when was the last time i felt like this?

it's like you're dangerous to me.

i notice every time we meet.

you've got me talking in my sleep.

i thought i could resist you.

when's the last time you tasted blood?

i might lose my mind.

won't you show me how to dance forever?

i swear it's getting harder even just to exhale.

i'm sick of trying to hide it.

i'm lost.

i guess that's what i get for trying to hide in the limelight.

everybody wants eyes on them.

if you don't think i mean it, then i understand.

i'm still glad you came.

let me see those hands.

i'll take what i'm given.

tell me, did i give you what you came for?

everything's the same.

somehow i knew my fate.

have you been waiting long for me?

no matter how we feel, we've got a taste for one another and a few good years to kill.

i wanna be your provider.

just let me know that you're mine.

do i wanna go there?

i wanna do more than just bend the rules.

you're the only game that i like to lose.

i'm going under this time.

i can give you what you want.

surely we know the difference.

how will i know if i can't see the bottom?

no one else knows that i've got a problem.

what if i can't get up and stand tall?

who will i be when the empire falls?

nobody told me i'd be begging for relief.

i've learned to live without it.

i no longer feel surrounded.

you never listened to me.

i was your undercover lover.

you never saw me naked.

you wouldn't even touch me.

i'm caught up on the person i tried to turn myself into for you.

i was trying my best.

i was in love with the thought.

do you wanna hurt me?

we used to be a team.

i don't wanna stick around.

please just let me go.

what are you afraid of?

are you the method in my madness?

i have fought so long to be here. i am never going back.

i could be stuck here alone.

i'm so tired inside.

Nostrils flare as he feels his temperature rise in aggravation. Why did their conversations always end this way? Why was it so hard for her to understand that she, as Inanna, was but a fragment of her? That what Astraea excelled at, she could, at least partially, excel in as well?

A vein in his forehead pulses, and as he turns to snap back at her, he is met with a sight that gives him pause. The words die in his throat, the anger dissipating just as quickly as it had come.

There is a look in her eyes, those deep, starry eyes that shone in a way so similar to hers that his heart ached to see it. It is a look that screams at him to stop, pleads with him to see her as more than the being she used to be and acknowledge her for who she is now.

He pretends he does not see it, biting his tongue and swallowing his harsh words. Instead he simply sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose in mock irritation.

"I am actually learning," Inanna said quietly once it seemed he had settled on mild irritation. "And it's not because of the talents of someone who came before me, whom I have never known." Her fingers dug into the staff which, under his tutelage and intense scrutiny, she had hand-carved and decorated. While she had spoken earlier in haste, now she chose her words carefully.

"As much as it may infuriate you to hear, hero, your soul is a fragment of hers, your power shards of her own. You may be a different person now, but it does not change who you once were." Another slip up, but this time one that he himself does not notice until it is far too late to retract it. An acknowledgement, that the being in front of him was more than just a small piece of someone else.

He seems to be forgetting that distinction a lot these days.

"Staff up. Do it again." He barks the orders with a militant force and a dismissive wave of his hand. Determined to get on with the lesson, to forget the lines that blur more and more everyday. Her soul is in ribbons, tattered and torn almost beyond repair, days away from shattering completely, and he cannot allow that to happen. He tells himself it's to protect Azem, to do this one last thing for Astraea, but there's a part of that questions. That wonders why he is really doing all of this for his greatest enemy, why he is saving the one person who can actually stop him.

"Let me make one thing very clear, hero. I owe you nothing." Every word is heavily enunciated, anger and rage behind every syllable. "My past is not yours to dig around in. You are but a piece of her, do you understand?" He pauses for a moment, taking in her disheveled appearance. It is obvious that their fight took a much larger toll on her than it did him, the Light snapping at her seams slowing her motions and making her movements so very predictable. How could such a fragile thing have so much...He had yet to decide if it was courage or idiocy that made her so bold.

He was beginning to lean towards the latter.

"You go on and on about how you are not her, how you will never be her, yet you attempt to pry her history from me as if you have any right. Make up your mind, Inanna. Either you are her, or you are not. You cannot have it both ways."

Her constant hypocrisy was weighing on him. The more she attempted to drag out of him, the more he was forced to relive, and mourn. She was so adamant that she was her own person, that Azem had nothing to do with who she was now, yet she treated his history with her ancient counterpart as if it was her own to demand whenever she desired.

Nothing, save for her questions.

He towered over her, looking down on her from on high with those piercing golden eyes. The outrage he felt was misplaced, as it so often was. He only ever viewed her as a fragile, broken, pathetic shadow of whoever she had been, no matter what Inanna did or did not do. His lessons worked to suppress the agony of the Light growing inside her, and that was why she continued to come to these secret rendezvous despite her better sense.

At least, that's what she kept telling herself. But at this point, it almost didn't feel worth it anymore. Perhaps it would be better if she let the Light take its toll.

Glowering up at him, she stomped in place, ignoring the jolt of pain that sent up her spine as her tail gave a derisive flick. "If you would kindly get your head out of your ass for two stars-damned seconds, Emet-Selch, you would actually hear what I am asking!" she spat.

And, even more infuriating, he realized she was right. Partially, anyway. There were some things he needed to share with her, pieces of his past that would help her in her studies. But to pry so deep into his history, to reach so far into the parts of that were still raw and try to tear things out of him, who was she to demand such things?

He doesn't know if she's ignorant of this fact, or if the Miqo'te really was just that stupid as to think she could actually step up to him, as if his carefully crafted control wasn't the sole reason she hasn't splintered into thousands of tiny, Light fractured pieces. And that attitude! He didn't know how her little friends had managed to refrain from murdering her in her sleep by now. Surely they were as tired as he was? Just being near her exhausted him, and he reasoned with himself that this was the reason she drove him so crazy. It was how incredibly, annoyingly, astoundingly droll she was.

A faint smile traced itself upon her lips and she shifted closer, tangling her legs with his. Despite the chill outside, it was warm beneath the cocoon of blankets they had sequestered themselves in, and his skin felt good against hers.

Stars damn her and her smart mouth.

She does not move as he storms away, too busy retching to notice the way the electricity that splits the air avoids her entirely. She struggles to her feet, half-healed wounds re-opened by their fierce bout. But her eyes are trained on his retreating back with unyielding focus, her hand lifting to point at him.

"Let me make one thing very clear, hero. I owe you nothing." Every word is heavily enunciated, anger and rage behind every syllable. "My past is not yours to dig around in. You are but a piece of her, do you understand?" He pauses for a moment, taking in her disheveled appearance. It is obvious that their fight took a much larger toll on her than it did him, the Light snapping at her seams slowing her motions and making her movements so very predictable. How could such a fragile thing have so much...He had yet to decide if it was courage or idiocy that made her so bold.

He was beginning to lean towards the latter.

"You go on and on about how you are not her, how you will never be her, yet you attempt to pry her history from me as if you have any right. Make up your mind, Inanna. Either you are her, or you are not. You cannot have it both ways."

Her constant hypocrisy was weighing on him. The more she attempted to drag out of him, the more he was forced to relive, and mourn. She was so adamant that she was her own person, that Azem had nothing to do with who she was now, yet she treated his history with her ancient counterpart as if it was her own to demand whenever she desired.

When Inanna had left the celebration at the bar outside the Pendants to find some fresh air, getting cornered by Emet-Selch in the adjoining courtyard was not what she had in mind. Breath hitching as his fingers delved into her core, she bit the back of her hand to muffle the moans Emet-Selch was having no trouble drawing from her mouth.

"You don't, but I do," she hisses, nails sinking into the thick fabric of his coat as she squirms in his grip, a choked moan spilling from her lips. Her hips cant into his touch and she curses under her breath, toes curling at the sensation of his fingers circling her sensitive clit.