wide awake

“I hate you. I hate you for doing this to me. You know what? This is all your fault. I don’t know what you’re doing to me but it’s all your fault. Look at me. This is what I have become. Incomplete and doesn’t recognise herself. I’m lost and probably will never recover my identity. However much I deny it to myself, however much this resists, the only thing that remains consistent is what I feel for you. Even if I can’t admit it to myself, I’m comfortable around you. I feel at ease. That’s why I’m angry at myself because I’m not giving you a chance. Because the truth is, whenever I’m with you I don’t feel incomplete. I’m whole. I am complete. And even if I can’t remember everything, my heart remembers you. It remembers how much I love you and it never once forgot to love you. So this time, I choose to listen to my heart. Whether I remember anything or not, all I know is that I love you. I love you, Tenten.”

01x15 // 01x68

The anxiety attacks aren’t that many anymore and I’m actually starting to feel good about myself, although I still can’t remember anything. But this is the first time in my whole life I’ve ever felt this excited about something. I’m sure if mom finds out what I’m doing she would kill me.